Best of The Current Chaos (So Far)

0:00 I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening to What the Fuck? Which to God weren't happening. My whole life is just one big what the fuck right now. How do you say what the fuck in Spanish? In Spanish, what the fuck is? Que coño? Motherfucking Georgians. If there's a Georgia license plate, you can bet that needle dick is fucking up traffic flow. He's a fucking asshole, man. You ain't Waylon Jennings, motherfucker. Yeah, you look at this dude and you're like, he looks like a little fucking dweeb with a fucking 70s porn mustache.

0:41 Oh, nice. Just saying. He's what douchebags are made of. What the fuck? That was said multiple times. That was said multiple times. I was like, what the fuck were you thinking? Oh, that's going to be saved. What the fuck? And I'm so hungry and my mouth is so dry. And I said, oh, really? Welcome to fucking reality. Did you buy her some Cheetos or some white cheddar cheese at Taco Bell? No, I took her to fucking Bojangles. Nice! Because that's what she wanted. What the fuck? What the fuck? I was like, I'm... So I had some douche nozzle from California. This dumb... Fucking, and I judge. Don Road Rage Clark. Yes, me. The left lane is for crime, motherfuckers. Slayer!

1:28 And I don't always get what I want. Does it hurt my feelings sometimes? If I had any feelings left, yeah, it would. The Navy stole those many, many years ago. Starting around 1986. Oh, no. I just bumped my boom arm, which I never do. And these two bitches. Got it. Always fucking doing it. Whoa. Hey, Tanya, check out this shirt. Yeah. What the fuck? Definitely not a shirt I want to see my dad wearing. Only dads. This older lady walked in with dirty ass underwear around her face. Oh, my God. Ew. That's kind of awesome.

2:09 I could never do it because the second I see a dingleberry, I'm out. On the cusp of like, she was born in 2010. Shit, bet. Use a hoe. Bet, motherfucker. Listen, 6 '7 goes real well with your t -shirt, dad. Yeah, you're only dads. I'm a slut for a musical. You're heard. He's naked. Dick everywhere. What are you going to do there? I wonder if it was a Baconator or... Oh, motherfucker. There ain't no spicy chicken sandwich on a walnut. I got to punch the kid in the face and I'm not going to do that. I got to knock the kid out. He's like, inevitably, you just got to knock the whole family out. You idiot. Why would you throw fire ants on your brother? What the fuck?

2:52 Let them order the fish and chips. If they don't say specifically, I want it with chips, they're just going to get a plate of fish. I'm sorry. Fucking what? Oh, no, you don't want my fucking opinion on this because I'm here to tell it. The journey my face has taken through this entire story has been wild. I cannot. Are you fucking kidding me right now? I cannot agree. I would be so. I cannot agree more. Sammy. Live it. You're ordering something that has literally two things in the name of the fucking dish. Yeah. You shouldn't have to, like, I, well, I, my brain is short circuiting and it's like. You're a meat lover, but you ordered the cheese pizza by virtue of that statement. Rolls the window down and fucking whips out. You hillbilly bitch.