Fish & Chips

0:00 There are some episodes I've liffin' to. Liffin' to? Words are hard. 20 bucks is 20 bucks, mother f***er. I would absolutely Spartan kick his ass out of the restaurant. Spartan kick? Spartan kick. What's an old woman's beaver smell like? Couldn't tell you. Depends. Please, sir, I'd like some more. She's a beaver doctor. F*** them kids. F*** them kids. Crab legs. With a side of crab legs. See, that's pro -level shit right there. A coke and fries, motherfucker! Annual pilgrimage. Words are hard. I just want to lick that motherfucker. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy.

0:40 This is The Don. And you're listening to What The Fuck. Welcome to What The Fuck. The podcast where we say all the things you're thinking. Oh, Jesus. Fuck, don't do that. No, you really shouldn't. Would y 'all like to hear about what I walked out of my house to the other day? Yes, please. Yes, absolutely. I'm going to leave the house. I open my door, close my door. I'm standing on my porch and all of a sudden I hear a kid screaming, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. And I'm like. what in the fuck is happening? And then all of a sudden I hear my neighbor, the dad, you idiot. Why would you throw fire ants on your brother? What the fuck? I was like. What is happening? It was the daughter who threw the fire ants on her little brother.

1:36 And he was the one screaming, I hate you. Because he had fire ants all over him. I want to fucking party with that child. And I immediately kind of slowly peeked around. Because I was like, I don't want them to see me and be like, what? I seriously. I was like, oh, my God. That's the funniest shit I've ever heard. My immediate question is. Did she not get bit by them damn fire ants? Well, that's part of it. Like, how did you collect the ants to then throw them onto somebody? Like, how was this done? I don't know if it was like a scoop and throw or like a shovel and throw or whatever vessel was nearby and throw. I don't know how the delivery happened, but somehow.

2:20 And these weren't pet ants. These were ants that were like on the wild. No, these were like out in their yard. So they were collected. Tell me again what dad said. You idiot. You threw fire ants on your brother. All right. Good parenting. Yeah. I mean, I like it. Yeah. He didn't say, you fucking idiot. Next time I see him, I'll be like, hey, yo, your kid okay after the fire ants? And I'll be like, what? See if he got video. Oh, I heard my guy. But I just thought that was funny because I was like, man, it's been a while since I've heard a good kid dum -dum maneuver. Listen, you got to do what you got to do to find out where your fucking boundaries are at that age. Yeah. I mean, apparently fire ants were this kid's boundary. That was his hard no. Speaking of some really neat shit shows, I drove from Florida to Louisiana this week for Thanksgiving.

3:04 And holy fucking shit. We drove across Florida, which is a big state. Right. Driving through Florida is half the trip. And then there's Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana into Baton Rouge. Always a great family reunion. Cajun food. You know, just a big Fado Dough, man. A big party. Sounds delicious. But the fucking drivers. Here we go. Let me tell you this. And you've heard me say it before. I say, listen, the top shit drivers, generally Florida, which I'm going to defend, Georgia, South Carolina, Louisiana. We can't drive in Louisiana. But let me tell you what happened. As we're going through here, we noticed a bunch of different things. First off, the state of Florida, super clean. Roads are great. Not just because I live here, just because it is what it is. When we crossed into Alabama, much of the same. You go over Mobile Bay. It's always beautiful. There's the museum there with the USS Alabama and the shipyards and things like that. And then you cross into Mississippi, and the roads get a little worse. When you cross into Louisiana, the roads are, number one, they're shit. They're garbage. And I'm talking about the same fucking highway around Mandeville is when people go fucking nuts because you have this mixture of Mississippi folks, commuters, Louisiana. texas katrina sent a lot of new orleans refugees to texas and now they come home to visit family so you got a lot of texas license plates in there texas you fucking suck at driving okay

4:36 just so you know so when you get this mixed together with louisiana i mean louisiana we're very particular about we love us we loves us some us It was fucking terrible. I will probably never do this drive again. I will fly in there going forward. That's how bad it was. Damn. And, oh, yeah, just people speeding up to try to block you from getting into space. Just fucking terrible. Like, where are you going in such a fucking rush, man? Everybody's in a fucking hurry. To get nowhere. It's like driving between New Orleans and Baton Rouge, the commuters. 100 miles an hour in the left lane. If you're not doing 100, you're in the right lane, and we play very well together. So what did we learn from this little drive? Number one, we learned that Florida drivers may not be as bad as we think they are. Here's why. I think that the bad Florida drivers are just refugees from Georgia. Refugees. Refugees. I'm not saying, because I'm not going to go in any particular order here. Refugee Georgians, if you will? Refugees from Georgia that have moved to Florida and now have Florida plates. I got Tom Petty in my head right now. I don't know that Georgians are the cause of all traffic woes in the Southeast. Here's what I do know, and this is not disputable. Anytime traffic gets fucked up, there's a motherfucking Georgian around somewhere. There's a Georgia license plate, maybe more than one. They are fucking it up. So my top three this week, very, very easy. Number three, Louisiana, you were

6:10 bad, and I'm embarrassed. You were just fucking terrible at driving this week. Number two, motherfucking Texas. Texas, go back to Texas. Go do you, boo -boo. You're bad. And number one, no surprise to anybody, by a long shot, oh, by the way, motherfucking Georgia. A restaurant in California. The California Fish Grill. A couple weeks ago, they got into a little bit of kerfuffle. Okay. Somebody in their higher -ups decided that the term fish and chips doesn't necessarily mean that you get fish and chips. So I guess this was a money thing where they were like, we could save some money if we kind of play with that term. Let them order the fish and chips, but if they don't say specifically, I want it with chips. They're just going to get a plate of fish. I'm sorry, fucking what? Now, here's where it gets even stupider. It gets stupider?

7:10 They weren't trying to charge you extra for the chips. They're just trying to bring food costs down. They just want you to say it. Hey, I want the fish and chips with the chips. You literally would have to order it that way. And they weren't charging you anything extra for it. In other words, if you said that, I want the fish and chips and I want the chips. They wouldn't even charge you extra for it. But people were ordering fish and chips, and they were just being brought out a plate of fish. That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever fucking heard. Customers were like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the actual motherfuck? Yeah, pretty bad. So they started getting bad reviews. As they 100 % should. This journalist for some newspaper in that area, he got on the story, and I guess he went to the restaurant, and he experienced it firsthand. He ordered fish and chips, but he didn't say chips. So he wrote a review. That got a little bit of attention because then one of the stores said, well, we don't charge you extra for the chips, but you have to say it. So then he decided, I'm going to call their corporate and see what their corporate has to say. What's their official word? Is this a franchise? It must be. Maybe it's just a California thing. Corporate was like, we consider the chips as a side, but we're not charging extra. No, no fucktards. You don't.

8:16 Then just call it fish. He wrote an editorial after he made these phone calls. He got like seven different answers as to what the official word was. And then. A week later, California Fish Grill came out and said, OK, based on the attention that we were getting with this, if you come into our restaurant now and you order fish and chips, you're going to get fish and chips. Yeah. Don, I want to get your opinion on this. Oh, no, you don't want my fucking opinion on this because I'm here to tell you. The journey my face has taken through this entire story is wild. I cannot agree more with Sammy's initial response. Here's the thing, guys. It's bad business practice. I'm not saying it's illegal to deceive. purposefully your clientele in order to save money listen i want fish and chips all right would you like chips with that motherfucker what the it says it right in the name yeah exactly it says it right in the name it's giving like Oh, yeah. I'd like to get some mac and cheese and they just bring you plain pasta. Can I get the cheese? Where's the cheese? Be like, oh, you wanted cheese on it? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I cannot agree. I would be so.

9:21 I cannot agree more, Sammy. Live it. That to me. I'd be like, what the fuck? That is called purposeful deception. In ethical businesses, you would be fired over that shit. This is so fucking insane. To me, it would have made more sense if they were trying to charge you for the chips. In other words, yes, if you want fish and chips, we're going to charge you for the fish, and then we're also going to charge you for the chips. But no, it wasn't even that. It was just a food cost saving thing, not a money saving necessarily. They wanted you to say, I want the fucking chips with the fish, even though I just ordered fish and chips. It's like you order a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Can I get jelly on that? It's in the fucking name. See, that's the thing. That's like somebody going, yeah, we're going to go to Paris, and then they take you to Paris, Texas. Or Paris, Tennessee.

10:09 Oh, my God. Or any Paris other than France. And I hate to say this, too, and I don't want to sound ugly. It's still Paris. Shut the fuck up. California, only in fucking California. Fucking California. What a bunch of Moe's over there. The less they sell, the less they have to order this, the less. that they're spending on that item, especially if it's something that they perceive that, oh, people don't even eat it half the time anyway, so it's just getting thrown in the trash anyway. That's for the consumer to make that decision if they want to eat it or not. Or say, hey, I'd like the fish and chips without the chips. I just want fried fish. Yeah. Correct. And here's the other thing you could do. I would like fish and chips. All right. Coo, coo, coo, coo. For the chips, would you like small, medium, or large? Yeah. Same price, all three. Or none at all. Yeah. And at least make it transparent. But for someone to go in and order, I'm going to tell you right now, let's say Sammy and I went on a little datey date.

11:07 And we're like, I was like, well, honey, what would you like? Well, I'd like the fish and chips. You know what? That sounds delightful. I'd like fish and chips too. And that shit showed up to our table with just fish. With no chips. Don, I'm swinging. It would not. end well i'm swinging on people i promise you is it just me it's so stupid because you're ordering something that has literally two things in the name of the fucking dish yeah you shouldn't have to like i well i my brain's short circuiting truly it's short circuiting chips what do i get i want fish and motherfucking chips now If you withhold the coleslaw, well, okay. Save some money there. You saved a little bit on cabbage, bud. Nobody eats coleslaw.

11:53 I don't like coleslaw. I'd be like, no coleslaw, please. But that's the thing. People can say, I don't want something instead of you omitting it and then making me have to go, okay, so now I have to wait for the second half of my meal to come out while this one gets cold while I wait for your stupidity to bring me the other half that should have come with it. You nailed it right there. No. When they came back and they said, okay, we goofed. They said, you can order fish and chips and you'll get fish and chips. And we also have fish only platters. For those people that just want to order fish and then you can order your own size. So they made it easier. To me, that makes more sense because not everyone likes French fries. I get that. All right. Right. In the original plan, if they had just done that, if they had just said, hey, if you don't want the fish and chips, you can just order a fish platter and then order your own size. And here's another idea. And I'm taking this out of the Chick -fil -A playbook. How about, I don't know. Train your fucking employees. Because here's the thing. If you've ever worked at a restaurant, most of the time, there's a briefing.

12:56 Like, hey, these are the specials for today. You know how I know? Because every fucking restaurant I ever go into, they say, would you like me to read the specials? Yeah. Well, we have fish and chips. Does that come with chips? My brain just thought of another one. Yeah, I'd like to get the meat lovers pizza and they bring it out as a cheese pizza and you go, where's the meat? They go, what specific meat did you want on it? You just said meat lovers. Well, you're a meat lover, but you ordered the cheese pizza by virtue of that statement. Be like, oh, meat lover just means like you love meat and we're giving you a cheese pizza. The logic. I fear we as a society are just... That we're not wrong, Jake? No, what's fucked up right now is now I want motherfucking fish and chips. I'm fucking hungry. I ain't mad at you. I'm not mad at you. I'd like the fish and chips.