"No" Is A Complete F****** Sentence

0:00 You're going to be down there sucking dick anyways and have a little snack. The reason. The reason. Hang on. What the fuck was I going to say? This isn't called What the Heck Podcast, my guy. Yeah, what the heck? I'm looking at guitar porn right now. Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Whoa. That hit home right there, really. I thought you were going to say I get to play with balls all the time. No, I could. Sam, did you have a gummie before the show? No. This is just me high on life, y 'all. You're going to hit 60 and your balls are going to hit the floor. I don't give a shit. I just don't give a fuck. I don't. She's a ninja, bitch. Yes, so she's overhearing us talking about her behind her back. I caught part of your homework that you turned in there, Sammy, something about a manager or something. Oh, yeah, the manager. So a different manager. I see something about bitch in here, too. Can I say that out loud? Yeah, I saw the word bitch. Still being a bitch, but acting weird. The C -Rex of my current job. I was in Baghdad when you were in your dad's bag. I've been wanting to use that one for a little minute. I brought you into this world.

1:14 I will take you right the fuck back out. She came from my loins. What can I say? I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammie This is the Don. And you're listening to What the Fuck. Welcome to What the Fuck, the podcast where we say all the things. You're thinking. But probably shouldn't. You definitely shouldn't. Before we went on the air tonight, I had to go to fucking Walmart to get dry dog food. If my dogs miss a meal, they would just waste away to nothing. And they'll let me know that. Correct. Animal abuse. Absolute animal abuse in their eyes. Yes. I'm in Walmart. I was behind a dude. who was pulling his cart from the front. Why do people fucking do that? Well, he was staring down into his phone so he was paying no attention to the traffic and he was paying no attention to the person in front of him and the person in front of him who was coming straight toward him was also looking down at her phone and I witnessed a head -on collision.

2:15 Fantastic. And of course, with me being right behind and me being who I am, I had to provide some commentary and I said, it's a good thing y 'all weren't driving fucking cars. Oh, that's beautiful. And then walked off. I got to throw a what the fuck out there that just threw me for a motherfucking loop a little while ago. And you guys are going to love it. I am not a parent. Okay. But I was a kid. And I know that parenting style has changed for many. My wife and I got home. I says, listen, let's go to the loop. It's this little restaurant that kind of specializes in pizzas and shit. Their food's excellent. It's right down the road. And we live in a nice area. So, you know, there's some people that have some. Some money. That's not always good. So we're sitting there. We're outside.

3:00 A little buzzer goes off and you go get your food and you come out. So they have these fire towers. It's getting a little bit chilly here in Florida. Certainly not cold by any stretch of the imagination. But we're pussies because it's fucking Florida and it's cold. So they have these fucking fire towers. They're really cool. But they're not turned on. And Melissa and I don't give a shit because we prepared. We sit outside. I had a flannel shirt on. She had a long -sleeved little hoodie. This family comes in. The Karen, I mean, wife is wearing, she's wearing a nurse's scrubs. I don't know if she's a doctor, nurse, it doesn't matter. It looked like there was another female older, maybe could have been her mother, a son. who is going to grow up to be a douchebag and a fucking bitch -ass husband who goes to the gym three or four times a day, but is a weak man. And all this came to fruition, and it was really easy to see whenever they came out. They walked out after their order to come sit outside. They got the table next to us. The kids all wanted a cookie and just whiny little thing. Melissa and I looked at each other like, okay, we know where this is headed. At some point, everybody's cold now.

4:13 So they call the kid over that works there. He's trying to start one of these fire towers. The motherfucker wouldn't start. You mean like those little metal umbrella looking things that like shoot heat? The fire shoots up into a tube. It's badass. He was over here trying to start ours. And she said, can you come start ours first? Because we're cold. That's how it started. Oh, hell no. Right? And so Melissa and I just looked at each other like, we don't give a shit because we don't want the thing on anyway. So the dude couldn't get the fucking thing started. No big deal. So the manager comes out and waves this young man in like, hey, come here, come here, come here. Because there's some liabilities that go along with playing with fire and LP gas, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Meanwhile, Karen over here, she's trying to tell him how to make this thing work. When he walks in, she starts fucking with it. Trying to start this thing up.

5:02 Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. You know, hitting the button and all this. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. Then husband boy comes over to ours at their strap to a pole. He pulls the strap off. I thought he's fixing to jack the whole thing. Oh, my God. Like, what are we fucking? Are we chopped liver here? Chopped liver? He pulls the fucking fuel tank out of it and goes, well, this one's full. And he brings it over to their fire tower and starts hooking it up. And that's about the time the... The manager comes out losing his monkey ass. Oh, I would have. But I'm just looking at the, I'm like the gall of these fucking people. And it's all led by this fucking Karen, the nurse, doctor, whatever she is. All right. So remember we started with the story with the kid coming out. I want a cookie.

5:50 Somebody said no. Right. And that's good. Except it didn't last. So mom goes in there. I'm like, here we go. Buys this fucking little brat a cookie. And then, well, you're not going to be able to eat it until you finish your dinner. And I said, out loud where everybody could hear me. I'm going to go over there and tell the kid to eat the fucking cookie because he's going to win no matter what. Because they're raising a douche bag over there. In any case. So I thought that was one of the bigger what the fucks. People have this gall. that is just there that's entitlement and i'm just like you know this kid has no chance entitlement builds criminals right so yeah that was a big what the fuck for me i just was like find that fucking entitlement of people in this day and age is just just wait until you experience gentle parents oh well if you haven't already they're crazy i was not gently parented oh neither was i don't have a kiss i am not a gentle parent oh i've heard you respond sammy and which is oh yeah i respond so i tone down a lot of the time when i when other people have to hear me rearing my child i tone down the way i deal with her because if y 'all heard the way i truly deal with her you'd think i'm crazy you have to go from r to pg -13 yeah pretty much because otherwise i'm gonna sound like a psychopath sitting there screaming at my child so i'm like And she knows when I talk to her and I get this tone in my voice, she's like, oh shit, my mother's going to beat my ass when she gets off the phone or gets off this podcast or whatever. She knows

7:23 the tone of like, I said you need to do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because I'm trying not to scream around whoever's around to hear. And she's like, I literally see the light in her eyes go out and she's like, oh no, I'm getting my ass whooped when we get away from humans. But here's the thing. You guys know as well as I do. You can be gentle. Right. But you got to do what you say you're going to do. Oh, yeah. Right. If you say no, then it's no. I really don't think gentle parenting works, honestly. I don't know anybody that's been a gentle parent that doesn't have a kid that's an absolute crazy. Well, there's a certain amount of that. And I agree 100%. I don't have kids. So I'm not here to tell anybody how to parent. I know that my dad understood the fact that. Pleasant thank you simply does not work all the time. No. Em has probably heard from her mother, no is a complete fucking sentence. Oh, yeah. Correct. All the time. All the fucking time. Yeah. No is a complete sentence. All the fucking time. Yeah. No. Why?

8:23 Because I said so. That's not an answer. The fuck it isn't. My parents were not gentle parents. My dad, he was a disciplinarian. And when my mother. This is what made it work. When my mother said, your ass is going to be beat when your dad gets home, there was no fucking discussion about it. There was no, well, what did he do? No. Didn't fucking matter what I did. Your mom said, you're getting your ass beat, your ass is beat. Now, he never did it angry. And so we were never abused as children. So those of you who are out there going, well, that's capital punishment. That's hitting children. That's fucking shut up. Number one, I still say sir and ma 'am. It'd be one thing if he came home and like punched you in your face. No, never. Not once. Banking is a little different. I've never been in jail.

9:03 Neither have I. I never went to prison. None of this shit. If you go to jail, it's okay. I get it. But I'm not a fuck up. I'm not entitled. I don't do any of those things because I understand the value of the word no. It's a full fucking sentence. And I don't always get what I want. Does it hurt my feelings sometimes? If I had any feelings left, yeah, it would. The Navy stole those many, many years ago, starting around 1986. Oh, no. So we all three do Spark deliveries now. Something that I've noticed, and customers leave notes on their order, and this is just for curbside pickup and then delivery. They'll leave notes like, call me when you get here, and they'll leave a phone number. And then you call that number, and they never fucking answer. Now, I have a possible explanation for that. If they're on iPhone, when iOS 26 came out, there is a new feature. It screens your calls. When somebody calls you, if that person that's calling you is not in your contact list, this feature will basically ask reason for calling. I won't call twice. I'm sorry, I won't. You put it in your notes for me to call you, and I did. You did not answer. And unless you call me back within a minute, your shit's going back to the fucking store. Oh, see. Don't give a fuck what. I don't care. I give them at least two calls. I'll shoot one quick text, and if I don't hear from you within at least two minutes, then I'm like, all right, I guess we're not doing this. Time is money. Here's what I've noticed. Gate codes call

10:36 me, and I forgot that I live in a goddamn apartment. So here's the address to this giant apartment complex, but no apartment number. Go fuck yourself. Or sometimes a customer will leave a note from a previous order that they didn't delete on their current order. I had one that said, please leave groceries in an orange basket. On the front porch. Be like, there's no fucking orange basket. There's no orange basket. So you know what? Yeah, I've had that happen a couple times. It'll be like, oh, there's so -and -so or something on the window or something. I send a message back in the app itself, and I said, as per your notes, there was no orange basket. Mm -hmm. To let them know, hey, get rid of that old fucking note. Remove it off the note. Yes. Don't just click, click, click, accept, accept, accept. Next, next, next, next, next, next, next. Read the shit that you put in there. I just bumped my boom arm, which I never do. These two bitches. Got it. Always fucking doing it. It's finally your time. Melatonin.

11:34 I've firmly believed that it's the worst and horrendous and terrible for you because every time I would take it, I would feel like I went on a fucking blackout bender the night before when I woke up the next morning. And guess what? It's now linked to heart disease. Everything's linked to heart disease. It's like increased risk of heart disease if you take it regularly kind of thing. So now I need to have a conversation with my father because he takes it every fucking night. How old's your dad? 72. He'll be all right. Yeah, he's fine. You know, we're going to die at some point. He's only started taking it nearly every night in the last like... two or three years. So it's not like it's been a whole life.

12:15 He's been doing it. It's been more recent that he's, does he go to the doctor regularly? Sometimes. Yeah. I don't think he's super, I mean, no, when I say that, does he get an annual checkup or something like that? I hope so. I don't know. I think he just tends to go when he doesn't feel good. And he's like, no, I guess I should go to the doctor. Whoa.