Half A Pack Of Marlboros And A Summary Judgement For Alimony

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I'm like fucking trying to tune in Tokyo.

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Nice.

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So here we go.

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Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.

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That's why God gave us all nipples.

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I know, right?

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Play with mine and get my fucking on.

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I know that's going to be on a blooper reel somewhere.

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Try to keep me and Don contained.

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And good fucking luck with that.

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Yeah.

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Well, there is no law that says your manager

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can't be a total ****.

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And she's taking full advantage of that.

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Ha ha ha ha.

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A pro level piece of ****.

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So most people look at me and go, OK, he's 22 and hot.

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With a giant penis.

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And that's not what people say at all.

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Something's stuck in my throat there, sir.

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The blooper reel is just creating itself now.

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God damn, man.

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That's the government penalizing you for good choices.

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He didn't say penis.

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The government penis is going to shaft you one way or another.

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It's like, what do you bitch?

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I bitched your mom last night.

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I mean, that's just like.

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I'm Jake Jacobs.

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This is Sammy.

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This is the Don.

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And you're listening to What the ****.

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Welcome to the shit show.

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We may have to rename this podcast the shit show.

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How old is your daughter, Samantha?

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14 and a half.

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Do you allow her to walk to places if she wants to?

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From the bus stop home is about the only place.

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Today's society versus back in my day, your day,

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it's not like it was.

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You very easily can get snatched up or hurt or you look at someone the wrong way.

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People will fucking snatch here.

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Like I've watched too many true crime shows, podcasts, videos from from mothers who walk

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around with their kids in Wal-Mart and have these dudes just creeping behind them,

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like waiting to snatch.

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I'm like, I'm not a helicopter parent necessarily, but at the same time,

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like I care about the fact that she may drive me up a fucking wall,

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but I don't want her getting kidnapped.

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And there's nothing wrong with that.

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Your response to that kind of explains where I'm going with this.

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This is in Georgia.

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Woman is taking her daughter to urgent care because her daughter was sick and left her

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10 year old son at home.

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And it's fine.

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I don't like that.

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So then again, this kind of explains part of where the story is coming from.

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While mom is at urgent care with daughter, 10 year old son decides that he's going to

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walk down to the store, which he's done a million times as a 10 year old.

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And it's less than a mile from his house.

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So as he's walking to the store, he's like almost there.

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And old bitty is how it was described in the news piece.

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Saw the young man walking by himself and called the police because this 10 year old boy was

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walking down the street in this little town in Georgia.

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So the police showed up, questioned the young man, and he's like, yeah, I live right down

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the road. I'm walking to the store.

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I do this all the time.

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So they call the mother and the mother leaves the urgent care.

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They arrest the mother for a child endangerment.

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She gets out of jail and three months later, the district attorney has dismissed the charges

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for now.

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She got charged with a misdemeanor.

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I feel like that was a bit of an overreach.

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They also wanted her to take some type of parenting classes.

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And she's like, I have three kids.

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He's the youngest.

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That's, I feel a little extreme.

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The only time I've left her home alone when she was sick and I was outdoor dashing, it

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was like I left her here, but I could still check in with her and the cameras and I'd

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pop into the house like every hour just to be like, hey, you good?

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You need anything?

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Don't 14 year olds babysit these days, haven't they?

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Forever?

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14, 15 years old, you fucking babysitting.

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You're in charge of other people's children while you're out drinking.

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She may be 14, but she's got the mentality of like, she doesn't make great decisions.

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I guess this happened like on a break, like a spring break or something or a fall break.

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It was obviously not a school day.

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And she even told the police.

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He walks to the store all the time.

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It's like three quarters of a mile.

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Did he tell me he was going to do that?

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No, but there's kids that play around in the neighborhood and I do see some walking or

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whatever.

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But if it was a 10 year old that was small for his age and looked a lot younger, then

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I'd be like, why is this tiny child meandering about?

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Where's like an adult?

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But if my child who at 14 is taller than me and I'm five, six, she's probably creeping

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up on like five, eight now.

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I would have less of a qualm because I'm like, oh, you're, you're a giant child because this

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one has run away from home at a very young age, crossed a main road to go over to Michael's

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at four in the morning because I wouldn't buy her craft supplies and she wanted to try

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and buy craft supplies.

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And the cops did have to bring her home to me.

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So I've got a little PTSD from that.

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So the key point here was this was like around noon.

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So it was broad daylight.

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It wasn't at night.

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And he even told the old lady, hey, I'm walking to the store.

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Why are you calling the cops?

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Yeah, I feel like that was a little, little over dramatic.

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This female cop that showed up told the mom that what she did was illegal.

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And she's like, what is illegal about a 10 year old boy walking down the street?

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And unless that state has a specific law that says like, you can't leave a kid alone under

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a certain age, then maybe.

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I wonder how the prosecuting attorney came to the conclusion that they probably weren't

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going to win this case in court.

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Yeah.

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I feel like that was kind of overkill.

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That was a conversation could have been had like, Hey, maybe you should have brought him

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with you or something, but to arrest her and charge her for like child.

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I think is a bit of an overreach.

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There's a couple of things that go along with that in my opinion, this day and age.

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Number one, I'm a Gen Xer and we are the most fucked up generation that you have ever seen

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in your life.

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Most of us are our latchkey kids.

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Well, a lot of it has to do and I'm not talking about every single Gen Xer or every single

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boomers fucked up or every single millennial or Gen Z or I don't mean that, right?

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I'm not generalizing, but our generation, the Gen Xers and we had the coolest generation,

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but some of these folks, these motherfuckers, a lot of times need to mind their fucking

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business.

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You got your mind, it's racing too much.

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You need to stay in your lane.

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The second thing is people tend to overly support that in which they have the biggest

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interest.

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For instance, the cop telling you that's against the law, that's illegal.

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Why don't you pull that motherfucking code up for me?

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There's sister Sue, right?

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But you can't do that because all they want to do then is they want to fucking argue because

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they don't want to be wrong.

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I had this friend of mine once upon a time when we were younger.

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It was weird to be gay.

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It was weird to have any gayness floating around at all.

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Well then he grew up, married this delightful gal.

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They started a family and one of their kids ended up gay as fuck.

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All of a sudden it's like, well, if you don't like gay people, you're an asshole.

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To that point, people tend to overemphasize that in which they have the biggest interest.

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The cop, their interest is in the law and so with her telling this woman that that's

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illegal.

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They're trying to scare her without having actual evidence and receipts.

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A lot of times somebody would say something on Facebook.

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There's this theory that sometimes you got to throw some bullshit out there to see who's

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repeating it.

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People just need to mind their goddamn business.

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One thing aggravates the filers fuck out of me is mind your business.

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Just like a baby update to our favorite OnlyFans star, Lily, she's pregnant.

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I hope she's got a spreadsheet of every man she lets stick it in her because that's going

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to be a lot of paternity tests.

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That was the chick that took a personal challenge to fuck a thousand guys in a month and she

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exceeded it in less than a month and now she's pregnant.

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So did she not take birth control pills?

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I think her birth control said, bro, I give up.

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I give up either that or out of those thousand plus men, at least one or two condoms had

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to have broken or something.

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I don't know how I didn't know.

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I didn't hear that.

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Oh yeah.

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She is pregnant.

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Oh my God.

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So she born to thousand dudes to arrival.

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So it wasn't like they stuck it in, moved along, stuck it in, moved along.

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We don't know the circumstances.

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Is there no video on this?

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No, not that I'm aware of.

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I'm sure there probably is, but it's like not out for the public consumption.

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I have to imagine it was probably like each guy got 30 seconds or something.

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I don't even know if I'd want to watch that.

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But like the last guy going at that has got to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

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Ain't no way.

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Oh damn.

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Ain't no way there's any friction left in that poor girl.

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But at the same time, I'm like, yeah.

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So she and but that was like the month prior she did like a 300 guy challenge or something.

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Yeah, she was warming up.

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She's boinked collectively, probably like a couple of thou at this point.

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I had to venture, I guess.

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So right about now there's about 1500 dudes like sweating this shit, right?

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Right.

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Probably wondering like, oh shit, is it me?

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1500 dudes sweating.

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First off, if you're willing to be one of a thousand fucking dongs, they get slid down

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that fucking slippery slope.

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That hallway.

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You're a nasty motherfucker to start with.

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You are fucked up in the gourd.

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But also, I mean, she did she has said that these stunts that she's doing, she's making

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wild about.

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So it's not like she necessarily needs a baby daddy because like she's making crazy money

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from doing this.

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So like she can afford to take care of this kid.

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I mean, that could just up the ante.

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Fuck a pregnant woman a thousand times.

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Like, what the fuck?

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You know, we talked about addictive personalities a couple of weeks ago, but I don't have an

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addictive personality, but I jump into shit like full flesh.

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Like I can't just buy one guitar.

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I got to have, you know, 40 called hyper fixation, hyper fixation, right?

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It's a, it's a, it's a symptom of ADHD.

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Why do you think I own a small Michael's worth of crafting supplies?

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Because I don't just buy one thing for a craft.

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I buy all, you have to buy all the things just all the things.

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So I bought it and I was living in a fucking hotel.

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I was in Willow Grove, Pennsylvania, going to P three school for anti submarine electronics.

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And this is back in cassette days.

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I ended up buying all the Madonna records, whatever it was out at the time.

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And this was probably an 87, you know, you might be my lucky, whatever the fuck.

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And dude, I would jam that shit, man.

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Living in my shitty fucking, and it was a seedy fucking motel bath right there in Horsham,

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Pennsylvania.

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But yeah, man, I bought all that shit.

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And now my, my jam is Slayer.

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I don't think that's even a secret now.

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The whole fucking world knows that every goddamn song slayers.

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I think I forgot who your favorite band is.

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Who is it again?

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It's Slayer.

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So there's, there's a thing in it.

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Let me tell you how this happened.

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I did not listen to Slayer as a kid.

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I was a metalhead.

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I just didn't listen to Slayer.

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And I was more of an eighties hair band guy.

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You know, I'm your standard rat motley crew Bon Jovi Bon Jovi, by the way, it was the highest

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grossing band in the eighties.

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And I always fancy myself as a metalhead.

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I remember me and my brother, we had a music store.

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This was before kind of the big box stores.

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We had a local music store called new generation in Baton Rouge.

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We went in there and my brother and I, he's two years younger than me, but you know, we're

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super similar.

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He's like, you know, we want some hard rock.

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So the dude hooked us up with three cassettes.

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One was Queens, right?

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Queen of the right.

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Their first EP that they self produced.

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Nice.

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Yeah.

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Which automatically made me fall in love with, with Jeff Tate and that fuck.

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Jeff Tate.

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Oh my God.

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He's phenomenal.

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The second was Metallica, Ride the Light.

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Another EP.

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And then last but not least was fast way, fast Eddie Clark.

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Fast Eddie Clark was a guitar player and he had this, this song on there, say what you

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will.

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It's fucked badass still is this day.

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I never listened to Slayer.

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One day I'm on Facebook and I'm cruising through some fucking memes.

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I'm going down this rabbit hole and this meme pops up and it was Paul McCartney on there.

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There's this face in it and it said, how does it feel to have played in the greatest band

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that has ever existed?

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And Paul McCartney's answer was, you know, of course it's a, it's a meme.

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It's funny.

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I do not recall ever playing in Slayer.

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So that kind of triggered something in my head.

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This was a while.

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This was a long time ago.

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And so I was like, huh, Slayer.

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I was never part of Slayer.

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I was never a big fan of Slayer.

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I've just never, when I listened to them at the time, it was just, they were probably

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ahead of their time.

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It was too much for me.

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And I listened to Slayer one day and I don't remember what song it was.

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Probably Bloodline or something like that.

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I was like, holy fucking shit.

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Now Slayer is my jam.

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I wear Slayer shirts around like 60 year old guy walking around fucking Slayer shirts.

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People, oh, I'm sure like, you don't even do a little fuck this shit.

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Shut the fuck up.

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But I listened to Slayer just all day.

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Slayer plasso over everything.

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You think you uncultured swine.

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That's right.

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I mean, fucking shut up.

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You don't know Slayer.

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In any case, so that's kind of, that was my, that was a what the fuck moment, Jake, because

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it was like, I never even paid attention to Slayer until I saw that joke, that joke meme.

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I do not recall ever playing in Slayer, but hey.

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So the other day, Samantha sends me a text.

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She's like, Hey, what was that song from Jesus Christ Superstars?

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So I sent it to her.

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So I have kind of like a tie in here.

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Okay.

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This is going to be a music recommendation for both of you.

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Okay.

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And Don, you may have already heard this.

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Okay.

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So that was Gethsemane and that was from the original Jesus Christ Superstar.

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And that singer was Ian Gillen, who was the lead singer for Deep Purple at the time.

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And one of their biggest hits that everyone associates Deep Purple with is a song called

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Smoke on the Water.

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And Samantha, if you've never heard this, trust me, this guitar riff will get stuck

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in your head and you'll never forget it.

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And it's one of the songs.

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It's one of the songs, if you go into a guitar store, the song is outlawed.

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You're not allowed to play this in the guitar store because the employees will tell you

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to stop playing it.

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It is absolutely outlawed.

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It is a cool song, but it's an earworm.

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You will never forget it because the riff just goes...

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Shall I play it?

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Can you Hungarian meat whistle that shit?

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Oh, that one.

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Okay.

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Yes, yes.

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Right?

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Okay.

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That I...

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Yes.

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I didn't...

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Now, a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about Dopey.

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Dopey is a bro.

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What a Dopey is.

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Now, I love blues, so does Don.

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There is an artist, his name is Justin Johnson.

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He's been around for a little while.

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He does a Delta Blues version of Smoke on the Water on this fucking Dopey, Don.

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And when I tell you, when I was listening to this thing the other day, I was flabbergasted.

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I was like, holy shit.

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For someone for the first time hearing that, they are going to want to seek out the original

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and see if you've never heard the original before, when you hear this, you're like, that's...

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I've heard the original.

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It's been a while.

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It's not on any of my recent playlists, but I have heard the song before.

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Nice.

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Don, I'm telling you, it's like...

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Oh, dude, I'm fucking jam rocking right now, man.

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Man, I watched that.

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And a lot of times when I see something like that, that I've never seen before, I'll listen

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to a little bit of it.

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I was fucking glued to it, man.

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I think I was drooling at some point.

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I'm like, fuck me running.

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Holy shit.

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Like, I've heard that song a million times, but not like that.

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One of the comments said, this music is so good, the album comes with a half a pack of

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marbles and a summary judgment for Alan O'Hara.

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Nice.