Hit Us With It, Don

0:00 We're just big boned, y 'all. She said big boned. Hell no, I'm not paying for no f***ing pretzels. No. I identify as a dude with huge nuts. On my chest? On my chest. Well, mine's drug related. Nice. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening to What the F***? Welcome to What the Fuck, the podcast where we say all the things you're thinking, but probably shouldn't. So last week, I just compiled a little best of the chaos so far, and that was a lot of fun. I just took like one minute clips of episode one of season two up until now. Some really cool, funny stuff on there. We gained a new fan. The YouTube algorithm recommended that one to him, so he heard the highlight, the best of the chaos. And he subscribed and he's commented on every single video so far, giving us some really cool feedback. That's beautiful.

1:08 Can we say his name on here? Quicksilvertongue3248. He started mentioning specific things that we talked about in the episodes, and he would only know that if he did a deep dive and actually listened. So when you guys get a chance, go to our YouTube page and check out some of his comments. So Quicksilvertongue. 3248, thank you for the comments and for the watches and the likes last week. Hell yeah. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Yeah, brother. Appreciate you. Today is typically when the new episode comes out. And I promised on the best of the chaos that we would get the gang back together. And I fulfilled that promise as of right now we're doing that. Okay. I don't know if I'm going to be able to edit this down and get this live by the end of today. It may be a day late, guys. I apologize for that. But Don just came back from Alaska. I've been up in Virginia. I've been in Virginia twice, back -to -back weekends. Yeah, you've been busy as a one -legged dude in an ass -kicking contest.

2:04 I feel like, oh, my God, look at the bags under my eyes. They look insane. I'm tired. That's from a lack of zinc or something. I'm sure there's an explanation for that. I drove, like, freaking—how many hours did I drive yesterday? I think I drove a total of almost, like— 10 hours in the car yesterday. Oh shit. Yeah. Well, your car is legal. So there's that. That's true. Yeah. You got legal. It needs, it needs new tires now though. Yeah. Well, speaking of transportation. Oh, here we go. Hit us with it. Don. Transportation was a bit of a debacle. And normally for those of you who listen and, and, or know me, you know, I'm a Delta guy. I'm a Delta Airlines guy. The reason I'm a Delta Airlines guy is my airport is Jacksonville.

2:49 I live in St. Augustine. Y 'all know that already. So everything from Delta, you're going to go to Atlanta. There are no direct flights from here. So you're going to Atlanta. Atlanta's quick and easy. I know the Atlanta airport like it's my other house. It's very simple. It's easy. It's big as it is. This time, however, I flew. And it was already part of this Alaska cruise package, NCL. By the way, NCL is a fantastic, shameless plug for you, NCL. You killed it. Norwegian cruise lines, man. Yeah, Norwegian. Melissa and I get on this fucking United jet, and we did okay. We were late getting out of Jacksonville. We made our connector in Houston. That's really all I care about. And then from there, we flew into SeaTac Airport. I am not unfamiliar. I used to live up there in the Pacific Northwest in that area. Decent job, but still late, right?

3:36 That's never a good thing when you get it, especially in the summertime. There's no snow. None of this bullshit. So off we went, got on the ship. Everything was flawless once we got on NCL. It was top shelf at every angle. Then the cruise comes to an end, right? All good things must end. And Melissa and I drug our ass off the ship. So right off the bat, we get back into port at 0630. Zero 630. That's 630 a .m. for you civilians. We parked that big bitch in Seattle by 830. They were like, get the fuck out. You got to be gone. So off we went. My flight worked with me on this, folks. Our flight was not until 1130 p .m. So we got a lot of time to hang out in Seattle. with which I am not unfamiliar, as I mentioned earlier.

4:22 So I took Melissa to the Pike Street Market, watched Chuck Fish, saw the copper pear brass pig, bought her lunch and, you know, met some nice people, drank some cider. All the shit that goes along with Seattle is really cool. And then at some point, Melissa and I had done everything. And then we got back on the bus, then the train, which was free. We moved our way to SeaTac Airport. And this is when the drama started. So we're hanging around. And about 10 .30, 11 o 'clock p .m., we're like, all right, we're going to load up here soon. No, no. Flight gets pushed back. Next thing you know, we're an hour late. Why is that? Well, apparently, we've got some crew rest issues maybe. I just assume I was in the airplane business for a lot of years, so I'm trying to be pretty benevolent here. No flight attendants. I'm like, okay, that's fair. Sometimes crew rest gets in the way, et cetera, et cetera, though that should never happen. It does occasionally, and I understand that. We're going to push back.

5:15 We're about an hour late getting out. No big deal. We're flying to Washington, D .C. This is a long pitch. Five hours or so. You were right by me. We took off late. After midnight, by the way. We took off late. We headed to Dallas. We get off. It was first thing in the morning by this time, right? Because we caught up a bunch of hours, et cetera, et cetera. For those of you who understand time zones, I don't. I don't get it. But we get there. And Melissa and I hustle. We're 15 minutes early as far as I'm concerned. We get over there and we watched him push the jet back. And I went off into a fucking tangent like you read about. That just pissed me off. I'm like, you know, if you would have held this jet for 15 minutes, you could have caught that up in the air. That would have been an easy fix.

5:58 Even from D .C. to Jacksonville. Yeah, I watched him push the jet back. The lady was very professional, which at that moment. Did not mean fuck to me. I was so pissed off. And I made sure that as many people that would listen understood that. And then we went to our new gate. We're not taking off now until like after lunch, whatever it was. So I get up to the new gate. And this lady named Ellen. So they reassigned the seats. I'd already paid for upgrades. This lady named Ellen. And Ellen, you know what? Good for you. I appreciate you. She's a flight attendant. She gets it. She and I had a little conversation. But she called me up to the desk and said, hey. I see you and your other person are not flying together. I'm going to put you guys together. And I said, well, how are you going to do that? She said, because there's another plane that's going to get here a little bit late and we ain't holding the plane.

6:42 I was like, well, I think that's pretty shitty, Ellen, don't you? She was like, not my call. I says, all right, fair enough. I said, because that's what happened to us. And that's why I'm still here. And that's why you and I are having this conversation. So that's a pretty sore subject to me right now. So we eventually got home. We got home after, I don't know, three o 'clock yesterday. And then. And then Melissa and I came down. She started hacking. I'm like, here we fucking go. And I woke up. I went to bed last night with the chills and the fever and the whole fucking thing. And sure enough, we both had fever. She's coughing and hacking up a lung and all this stuff. So that was the bad part. And I'm going to shut up because I want that to marinate with United Airlines. By the way, don't fly United Airlines if you have the choice to fly Delta.

7:26 Just don't. Unless you're flat out of Chicago, maybe. But United did me dirty. I didn't like it. And they could have saved a whole bunch of time and Yelp reviews with another 15 minutes. In any case, United, go fuck yourself. You suck. I've been saying this for I don't even know how many years, like many, many years, like probably well over a decade at this point that I have like always wanted to microdose mushrooms for their mental health side effects that are. positive side effects essentially. And I've been wanting to do that. And they were saying that like, there's a new study that literally just came out this year, uh, talking about 67 % of the people that they did these like, uh, psilocybin microdosing sessions with have seen almost like after, I think it was like only a couple doses, like five years from those doses of like remission of like the anxiety, stress, depression, mental health, like. disorders kind of thing so i was like this is this is why i'm like i don't want to trip my balls off to trip my balls off i want to trip my balls off to feel better okay fair enough so didn't really realize you had balls but that's i'm cool with that no these ones up here they're on my chest not down below But no, yeah, I've literally for years been saying, I'm like, I, for the longest time, I was like, oh my God, I want to get in one of these studies. I want to try this, see if it works for me. Like, they just, they need to legalize it for the purposes that it is in a clinical setting. And then later

8:58 on do what they did with weed and start solely legal. You can't like overdose on this shit in the sense of like, it's not going to kill you. It's not like heroin or crack. How many pink elephants does it take to OD you? Right. Yeah. You would die from. accidentally killing yourself versus the actual like weed or mushrooms killing you itself a couple days ago i had a what the fuck and it was one of those where it had nothing to do with me i witnessed something happen that caused me to go the fuck did i just see right it made no sense i was out and about and i decided to stop to get some chinese some takeout so i go Oh, Don. So Super Walk was closed, so I had to go to China King, and they had the same stuff.

9:45 It's literally the same menu, right? So I order, and I'm waiting for my food, and this couple walks in. Dude, basic white bitch, asshole -looking dude. His mother raised a douchebag. A real Chad? I mean, I... probably 30s, you know, real nondescript, nothing to write home about. So I guess they had called ahead for a pickup. Lady gives them their bag and she takes their debit card and she rings them up. While she's doing that, as soon as the guy gets the bag, he immediately, immediately rips it open and starts rifling through it. Like he's looking for something, right? Turns out he was. He was looking to see, now here's where it gets kind of murky. He pulls out this little carton of white rice and he says, I didn't fucking order white rice. I ordered chicken fried rice. So the lady looks into the bag and pulls out, voila, a little thing of chicken fried rice.

10:40 Here it is. So the guy's like, well, why is white rice in my bag? And she's like, well, it came with one of your entrees. It's just part of the meal. He's like, but I ordered chicken fried rice. She goes, and you got it. Here it is. It's in your bag. He's like, well, I want the white rice taken off my bill. She's like, there's nothing to take off because it's part of the entree that you ordered. Right. It's free. Yeah. And she's like, I'll take it. You know, if you don't want it, if you don't want to take it home, I'll take it. But there's nothing to take off your bill. And he stood there and he said, so you're not going to take that off the bill? She goes, no. And I was like, what the fuck? Fuck, like we're talking maybe the little quart thing of rice.

11:24 Yeah, that comes with like Szechuan chicken and shit. Yeah, it's like what, a dollar and a half or something? If that. What was he trying to fucking pull? And it's like the way that he went about it, like as soon as he got his bag and just dove into it and ripped it open, like he knew this was going to happen. Or that happens to him all the time or something. Happens to him all the time. Like you get white rice, but you ordered it. Well, it would happen. You got the chicken fried rice that you ordered. Right. What was the fucking point of that whole drama filled? Unless he was. So the only thing I can think is like when I order stuff like that, like I do chicken and broccoli is my favorite thing to get. And instead of getting rice, I'll get plain lo mein with mine instead of the rice. So unless maybe he thought that he was ordering chicken fried rice instead of the white rice and thought maybe like, oh, I still got charge for the rice. Right. But he probably was assuming in his brain that people could read his fucking mind. Oh. So he got a side of fried rice. That's the only thing I can think of for what he was freaking out about is maybe he wanted instead of the white rice, the fried rice, but didn't express it in the way that made sense to the person who took the order, which is not their fault. It's his fucking fault for not being clear.

12:33 Anybody who's ever ordered at a fast food joint, let me see if this sounds familiar. I would like a number one. In addition to that number one, I would like a chocolate shake. So you want the shake and the drink. Correct. And a General Tso's chicken, and I would like chicken fried rice. Okay. No problem. You get the white rice. That just sounds like that's two separate entrees. Not saying I want chicken. Yes. If you don't specify instead of the white rice, I would like chicken. Then they're going to give you the white rice, which comes free with it. Yes. You're not upcharged for that shit. You're only upcharged for changes you make. Yeah, don't put the white rice in there. Just give me just the chicken fried rice. I don't want that to go to waste.

13:15 Right. Hey, you know what? Roger that. Thank you for saying that. If you want to be real ingenuitive, you can take that white rice and make your own fried rice, you little bitch. Sure can. You really can. It's not that hard. I'm sure that's not the first Chinese restaurant he's freaked out on for that bullshit. So, Sammy, you've delivered thousands, hundreds. Hundreds. Of meals. Billions of meals to people at their house. Bajillions. Have you had someone rip up, like, hold up, honey. Rip the bag open in front of you. I didn't order this. That's not my problem. I don't know what to tell you there, bro. Most of the time when you're a delivery driver, I mean. Especially for DoorDash and Uber Eats and all that stuff.

13:55 A lot of times they will just do the no contact. So it's seldom that I actually really interact with someone. I interact more with grocery deliveries because a lot of times, especially if somebody orders a lot of shit, they'll come out and start taking it in as I'm bringing it up. I've never had anybody be just digging through shit looking like, wait, wait, wait. I ordered purple grapes, not the red ones. Right. I've had friends of mine that have ordered Instacart. And it's been a dude that shopped it and they've gotten some off the wall shit replacements. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't understand that because like it literally takes you two seconds to reach out to the customer and go, hey, they're out of this. Do you want something else or do you just want to cancel it? Not to go, oh, you wanted tampons?

14:38 They're out of them. So I'm just going to get you straws. Correct. Yeah. Which is close. Or cotton balls. Because that makes sense. I got an instant card the other day and a dude shopped it. So what I do is I say, yes, I want it replaced, but please text me first. I don't say cancel it because then you don't know what you're going to get. And this young man, he texted me. He was like, listen, the fucking birthday cake you ordered is good enough for like one person. And it's $8. I got another one here for $10. It's good enough for like four people. You want me to swap that out? I was like, hell yeah, I do. See, that's what I do. If I see somebody's get, like, say they'll be buying like a thing of like soda. I'll be like, hey, you know, these sodas are like buy one, get one or whatever. And they'll be like, oh, well, he's like, grab me another one. And I'm like, I got you. Like, I'm a frugal fanny. I know. I'm like, you know, if you're going to buy it, it's on sale. Why not just get it? Like, I'm looking out for you. For those of you who are listening, you don't see Sammy's head going from side to side. which is pretty fucking cool, actually. So I don't know that I can pull that off. I'm trying, and it's not working. But hers, it's like it's on a fucking, it's like a bird. This old neck has still got some spring in it. Yeah. So, Jake, your douchebag story, that what the fuck story, that's beautiful because that's one of the things on my list of human flaws. It's like, what's the point, really?

16:03 And that's at the end of the day. What did you hope? To accomplish by doing this. They just get their rocks up by. I don't fucking get that shit. Belittling people gives them a weird superiority slash gets you off kind of bullshit. Maybe it's a debit card thing. Maybe he wanted her to like have to go back into the transaction and take it off. And somehow there's some kind of scam going on with that where that's somehow it wipes out the whole first charge and the whole charge and they end up getting food for free. Oh, like they could say they refunded it, but then it got charged again and then they call the card and dispute it and be like, oh, double charge me. No, it got charged twice. That's bullshit. That's possible. That's a good point, Jake. The look on his face when she just stood there and she's like. Did he look intelligent enough to pull a scam? Maybe not. I don't know. But maybe that is a thing. Was he like my age or was he older? I want to say early 30s maybe. If I had to guess, maybe 32 -ish. Sammy, you know that Gen Xers, we can't tell anybody's age anymore.

17:05 Your girl's birthday was yesterday. She's now 38. Two more years until I'm in the 40s, boys. Yeah, so he wasn't as old as you. Not as old as me. Fair enough. God, that's a good man. That story right there is a special place in my heart for people that do that shit because, you know, at the end of the day, what it does is it makes that motherfucker look like an idiot himself. It's like, listen, if you're trying to be superior and the difference in your financial well -being is a small box of white rice, you're fucked. You're in bad shape. Yeah. So, and now you've let everybody know that. Yeah, and this happened at the China King in Hermitage last Friday. I 100%, if I were the woman working the thing, I would have been looking at him like, probably would have started laughing, which probably would have pissed him off. Yeah, listen, if I'd already charged your ass, I'd be like, hmm. I would have been like, what's... What's going on up here, buddy? Because you're not comprehending the very simple explanation I'm giving you right now.

18:04 What part of no don't you fucking get? It's free. She held her composure. She did not waver. I love when things like this shit come up, Jake. It gives me material.