Ingesting Sports Talk

WEBVTT

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nobody wants to see moose knuckle you're welcome

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jake you motherfuckers with the goddamn cheese

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and the shit by my fucking my face look crooked

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which it probably is you sure your ears aren't

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crooked buddy it could be i don't know everything

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else is crooked so uh oh it's moist inside this

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thing there are little balls there he's got balls

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around his neck jake i said balls and choked

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on it bitch if y 'all gonna make me contribute

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to sports cock if you ever say the word contribute

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again i'm gonna fucking slap the taste out of

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your mouth i honestly heard sports cock i heard

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sports cock i didn't say guys the sports talk

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i just said it if they want me to contribute

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to sports cock what the fuck did you mean sports

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talk i enjoy them but i don't ingest them i said

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so if you want me to ingest hopefully they don't

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want you to ingest sports That was nasty, Jake.

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Boy, you need some Jesus. Name of the episode,

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ingesting sports. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy.

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This is the Don. And you're listening to what

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the fuck. Welcome to What the Fuck, the podcast

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where we say all the things you're thinking.

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But probably shouldn't. Which to God weren't

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happening. My whole life is just one big what

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the fuck right now. How do you say what the fuck

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in Spanish? Stand by. In Spanish, what the fuck

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is? Que coño. Season three. What the fuck? What

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the fuck? Season three, baby. How did we get

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here? Grace of God and I don't even know. Here's

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the fun part. Thoughts and prayers. We mention

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this shit all the time. That there's two Gen

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Xers and a millennial. And we've not killed each

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other. This is true. I got the sugar daddy DM

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the other day on TikTok. Did you? I did. I did.

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Oh, yes. It was a dude. His name was Victor.

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He wants you to be a sugar daddy? He wants to

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be my sugar daddy. What? Well, so he kicks it

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off with, hello, gorgeous heart. I want to fucking

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puke already. Sorry. Would you be open to the

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idea of having a sugar daddy that is willing

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to spoil, support you financially with all your

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needs, debts, and things you would like to get,

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and a weekly allowance of 20 ,000 pounds? Obviously,

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this is in the UK, right? Right. Kind of get

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back to me if you're interested. Victor. Victor.

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I was still laying in bed when I got this. I'm

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like, that's just fucking. Did you get a boner?

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20 ,000 pounds a week. I was trying to do the

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math on that. I said to myself, I said, Jake,

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this is easy content here. So I did a quick video.

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It took me like three minutes. I did some quick

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cuts. back and forth of the screenshot of that.

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And I made sure that I obscured his name so that

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he can't come back because, oh, you fucking doxxed

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me, whatever. So I did that. And the video did

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pretty well. And then I was like, you know what?

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I'm going to have some fun with this guy. I want

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to see where this goes. So I actually messaged

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him back. Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, no. So I said, Victor,

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thank you for your proposal. I'm a man. Does

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that make a difference? And I'm thinking to myself,

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okay, this is where this is going to end, right?

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Right. Like, clearly he's seen the videos he

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has. Oh, no. Oh, no. About three minutes later,

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no. Simple answer, no. And I'm like, hmm. What

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do you need from me for deposits, baby? So now

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I'm trying to get him to admit to the scam, right?

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I said, how does this work? Do I have to send

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you money up front to start? In order for this

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to work, I need to send him $100 for processing

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bank fees. Right, like something like that. Here

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was his response. Well, I only want honesty and

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straightforward in return from my babies. That

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is kind of ick, right? That gives me wild ick.

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What my babies do is chat with me, keep me company,

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and give me advice when needed. No sex. A red

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X after the sex. No sending of nudes, pictures,

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and then a smiley with the two hearts for the

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eyes. And it was at that point where I'm like,

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report that shit. And I sent the screenshot to

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TikTok, right? Of that brief conversation that

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I had with him, right? TikTok comes back and

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says, yeah, that's not violating our community

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guidelines. You may not like that, but, you know,

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there's nothing we can do. You may just want

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to block them. Wow. So. Why would I block the

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guys offering me fucking $27 ,000 a fucking week?

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Is that what that is? Yeah, 20 ,000 pounds. A

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little over $27 ,000. I mean, if all I got to

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do is talk to the dude. You just got to, whatever

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he talks to you about, just plug it into chat

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GPT and say, give me a response, and then just

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copy and paste that shit in there. Brotherly

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advice. You don't even have to have a... actual

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hell no man i mean how'd that motherfucker send

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you some malaysian biatch hey twenty seven thousand

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dollars a week seven thousand shit can i get

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in on that deal let me think about this loop

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me into that so at the end of the tiktok video

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i was like uh can anybody tell me what that equates

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to anybody here know victor uh is he legit So

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yeah, 20, $27 ,000, 27, three, something or another.

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20 bucks is 20 bucks. Motherfucker. Don't forget.

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27 ,000. I'll be somebody's sugar baby. Shit.

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That's right. You just add all the fucking zeros

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you want behind it. 20 ,000 pounds is 20 ,000

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pounds. I mean, Victor. Fuck you, you motherfucker.

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You didn't reach out to me, you piece of shit.

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If he's got that kind of disposable income, and

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all I got to do is talk to the dude, I mean,

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come on. If that's part of the scam, if it's

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going to cost me $100 to get $27 ,000 a week,

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that's a pretty good trade -off, I think. That's

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a very good trade -off, and fucking do it. Shit,

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fucking pay off this fucking Harley and buy like

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10 more. Wow, you can never have too many Harleys,

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that's for sure. Don has a list of the top three

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worst... Drivers of the Week by License Plate.

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So every fucking day I have the privilege of

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driving between the cities of St. Augustine,

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Florida and Daytona Beach, Florida. And it is

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a tourist pathway between Miami and the Keys.

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And then folks leaving and going home from Florida

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to wherever it is that they came from. to who's

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fucking up the flow of traffic, basically. Not

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just the left -landers. And we all know what

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the left lane is for. Right. It is for crime,

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bitches. But I like to look at their license

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plate, too. So when the rain starts raining real

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hard, who's got their flashing lights on? I judge

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harshly. And just for the record, so let me go

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ahead and get this straight before I start fucking

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your lives up out there and y 'all get all offended

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and shit. I'm from Louisiana. We drive like shit

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in Louisiana. I got to knock that out of the

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park. My chosen home for many, many years now

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has been Florida. We drive like shit in Florida.

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So this week, as bad as we drive in Florida,

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and normally, let's set a mean line, shall we?

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Basically, the worst drivers that I see on a

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regular basis. motherfucking Georgians. If there's

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a Georgia license plate, you can bet that needle

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dick is fucking up traffic flow. Wow. Right off

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the bat. Exactly. Yeah. So Georgia is generally

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the worst. Not this week. Good job, Georgia.

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South Carolina is always pretty fucking bad.

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They're not good. This week, they made the list.

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And that's unfortunate. But those two are generally,

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those are kind of the worst, the top two. Top

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three, you know, I'm looking at Pennsylvania,

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New York, and New Jersey. Those are kind of my

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top five all the time. Now this week, I could

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hold this whole reference to a Sunday drive home

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after vacationing in Florida. Thank you for coming.

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We appreciate you. We really do. We love your

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revenue and the diversity you bring here. But

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this week. The number three driver. If I can

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get a drum roll, Jake, that would be outstanding.

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Quebec, Canada. You motherfuckers. I usually

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love you people, but Canada. Quebec. Specifically.

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Fucking Canucks. Yeah, I'm going to need you

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to get out of my left lane. All right? Period.

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Thank you. Normally Canadians, and we love you,

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we do. But yeah, Quebec, I saw a lot of, and

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one of them was driving a really big bus, like

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a camper bus. Big money. Towing a Jeep, a nice

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Jeep, by the way. So Quebec, you hit number three.

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Number two. Can I get a drum roll, Jake? Motherfucking

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Utah. First off, why are you in Florida this

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week? The Mormons? What are they doing there?

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The Mormons, baby. For debauchery? Yeah. Yeah,

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Utah. How many left do you have? Yeah, it's really

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brutal. And I was really not looking for new

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fuck -up drivers, but I certainly found them.

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They found you. They definitely did. And this

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was kind of a shock. The number one worst driver

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in Florida this week, Ohio. Very disappointed.

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Ohio. Very disappointed in your driving. Now,

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that being said, I got a lot of Ohio people that

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came into the shop. Super nice people. Love them.

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A lot of New York folks. New York, you did a

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great job this week driving. You know, Don, it's

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funny you mentioned Ohio. I did a quick road

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rage video on TikTok a couple days ago. It said,

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it is not illegal to use your turn signals. The

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other cars around you are not fucking line riders.

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I had a very specific comment. You've never driven

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in Ohio, have you? I was like, whoa, I guess

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not. And we appreciate that, too. But for those

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of you who have never driven in Florida. Especially

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considering the low amount of requirements to

00:10:29.190 --> 00:10:32.300
even have a vehicle on the road in Florida. I'm

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surprised we have to have a driver's license

00:10:34.100 --> 00:10:36.740
here. Right. Y 'all could be driving the skeleton

00:10:36.740 --> 00:10:39.419
of a vehicle as long as it's on wheels and you're

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strapped in. You're good to go. You know who

00:10:45.259 --> 00:10:48.639
was born and raised in Florida. These motherfuckers

00:10:48.639 --> 00:10:53.000
refuse to use a... When you buy a car, a new

00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:54.539
one in Florida, they don't even come with that

00:10:54.539 --> 00:10:58.000
handle on the left, I'm pretty sure. Because

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they don't use it. Wow. I know. And I've lived

00:11:01.700 --> 00:11:03.679
all over this country, by the way. The Navy was

00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:05.399
very good to me. I've lived all over the country.

00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:06.659
I've traveled all over the country. I've tried

00:11:06.659 --> 00:11:08.679
to get run over on my motorcycle in most every

00:11:08.679 --> 00:11:12.539
state. And Florida, I ride this bitch every single

00:11:12.539 --> 00:11:15.860
day. And it is the worst. Because we have so

00:11:15.860 --> 00:11:18.759
many people here. We've got snowbirds. They don't

00:11:18.759 --> 00:11:21.779
necessarily live here. We've got a lot of military.

00:11:22.440 --> 00:11:26.159
We're all nuts. And drive motorcycles like morons.

00:11:26.759 --> 00:11:29.360
Yeah. Don and I have a mutual friend that I think

00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:31.600
we both met right around the same time. Her name

00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:34.419
is Renee. Beautiful, sweet lady. She's just the

00:11:34.419 --> 00:11:36.460
best person that you could ever do anything for

00:11:36.460 --> 00:11:38.919
you. Yeah. Give you the shirt off her back. We

00:11:38.919 --> 00:11:40.720
love you, Renee. Hope you listen to this show.

00:11:40.980 --> 00:11:42.720
Shortly after meeting her, she asked, what do

00:11:42.720 --> 00:11:44.480
you think of Nashville? I was like, I love it.

00:11:44.639 --> 00:11:46.720
This is great. This is still when I was still

00:11:46.720 --> 00:11:49.700
in the I'm in awe moment, right? You know, I

00:11:49.700 --> 00:11:52.340
wasn't jaded then. And I was like, well, my only

00:11:52.340 --> 00:11:54.279
issue is with the drivers here in Nashville.

00:11:54.559 --> 00:11:57.519
Is it illegal? to use your turn signals here

00:11:57.519 --> 00:11:59.659
in Nashville? And her response, now she's lived

00:11:59.659 --> 00:12:02.000
here. She was born and raised here, right? Turn

00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:05.559
signals? You trying to get somebody killed? When

00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:10.559
I initially got trained on lottery shit, it was

00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:13.919
by a manager who, within two days of me getting

00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:18.000
hired and trained, left for medical reasons.

00:12:18.299 --> 00:12:21.259
I assume... Going out the door, a few things

00:12:21.259 --> 00:12:23.340
slipped through the fucking cracks in teaching

00:12:23.340 --> 00:12:25.419
me shit. I have a little notebook that I wrote

00:12:25.419 --> 00:12:27.980
down like everything I could possibly capture

00:12:27.980 --> 00:12:30.820
as she's telling me and as well as other managers

00:12:30.820 --> 00:12:32.820
after she left that are telling me like, hey,

00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:34.220
this is how you do this. This is how you do this.

00:12:34.259 --> 00:12:35.879
So like I have a whole notebook of shit written

00:12:35.879 --> 00:12:39.059
down. Lottery included, how you do payouts for

00:12:39.059 --> 00:12:41.740
both online and scratchers and blah, blah, blah,

00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:43.720
whatever. A whole page that is literally just

00:12:43.720 --> 00:12:46.759
dedicated to scratcher payout. In all of that,

00:12:46.860 --> 00:12:50.169
nobody thought. to inform me that there was a

00:12:50.169 --> 00:12:54.289
maximum allowable payout per day per person.

00:12:54.350 --> 00:12:56.350
Because I've never worked in an atmosphere where

00:12:56.350 --> 00:12:58.690
I've done lottery payouts, so this is not common

00:12:58.690 --> 00:13:00.950
knowledge to me. Okay, yeah, no, yeah, it makes

00:13:00.950 --> 00:13:03.210
sense. I mean, yeah. Right. So in, I don't know

00:13:03.210 --> 00:13:04.769
if it's different states of state, but in the

00:13:04.769 --> 00:13:06.850
state of North Carolina, the payout amount is

00:13:06.850 --> 00:13:11.230
no more than $5 .99 a day per person per day.

00:13:11.889 --> 00:13:14.929
Did not know this. Well, now you do. Is that

00:13:14.929 --> 00:13:19.029
cash? Cash payout, yes. So little Sammy, not

00:13:19.029 --> 00:13:21.529
knowing this, goes to cash a woman out who had

00:13:21.529 --> 00:13:23.850
a bunch of scratchers that she went on for $1

00:13:23.850 --> 00:13:29.309
,900. Good for her. Yeah. And so after I do it,

00:13:29.330 --> 00:13:31.950
I see two managers looking at me like. The fuck

00:13:31.950 --> 00:13:33.509
did you just do? First of all, why did nobody

00:13:33.509 --> 00:13:36.529
stop me? But also. Yeah. Why didn't the system

00:13:36.529 --> 00:13:38.129
fucking stop me? If there's supposed to be a

00:13:38.129 --> 00:13:40.549
limit. That's true. Why didn't the system say,

00:13:40.669 --> 00:13:43.600
hey. This is over a limit. You can't pay this

00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:46.000
out. That should be built in. Correct. I fully

00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:49.440
fucking agree with you. So after this woman leaves

00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:51.179
and I've given her all her money or whatever,

00:13:51.299 --> 00:13:53.620
and these two managers come over and they grab

00:13:53.620 --> 00:13:55.440
one of the other girls who does a similar job

00:13:55.440 --> 00:13:57.480
to me and go, hey, we need you to watch the front

00:13:57.480 --> 00:13:59.320
real quick. And they're like saying, we need

00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:01.379
you to come in the office. And I'm like, for

00:14:01.379 --> 00:14:03.860
what? I don't understand. Like did not know.

00:14:03.899 --> 00:14:06.120
I'm like, did a customer complain against me?

00:14:06.179 --> 00:14:08.720
Like what? I don't understand. Why do you need

00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:11.200
to talk to me? Fucking oblivious because he didn't

00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:13.940
know. So as we're walking in the office, one

00:14:13.940 --> 00:14:15.740
of the managers who was pulling me in the office

00:14:15.740 --> 00:14:18.220
goes, don't freak out. And I said, why the fuck

00:14:18.220 --> 00:14:21.820
would you say that to me? I am a perpetual overthinker.

00:14:21.820 --> 00:14:23.740
Why the fuck would you say don't freak out to

00:14:23.740 --> 00:14:25.679
me as I'm walking into a manager's office for

00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:27.960
a closed -door meeting with two managers all

00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:30.779
of a sudden? So they sit me down, and they're

00:14:30.779 --> 00:14:34.080
like, we were just kind of wondering why you

00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:35.820
paid her out that much. I'm like, what do you

00:14:35.820 --> 00:14:38.480
mean? She won. I don't see the problem here.

00:14:38.580 --> 00:14:40.500
And they're like, there's a limit. I said, does

00:14:40.500 --> 00:14:43.059
it seem like I fucking knew that? Clearly, I

00:14:43.059 --> 00:14:44.679
didn't know that. Yeah, they're like, the limit

00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:47.639
is $5 .99 per person per day, whatever. And I

00:14:47.639 --> 00:14:49.970
said, Would have been nice to know. I said, I

00:14:49.970 --> 00:14:51.549
don't have that written in my notebook. Nobody

00:14:51.549 --> 00:14:53.250
told me. Obviously, I'm not a fucking retard.

00:14:53.350 --> 00:14:55.870
And I hate that word. But like, I'm not an idiot.

00:14:56.049 --> 00:14:58.629
Oh, we love it. I know. But I was like, I'm not

00:14:58.629 --> 00:15:00.889
an idiot. I wouldn't have paid this woman out

00:15:00.889 --> 00:15:04.529
that much money if I knew. Right. Because $600

00:15:04.529 --> 00:15:06.230
and over, they have to go to the lottery office

00:15:06.230 --> 00:15:07.990
because it has to be taxed. I didn't fucking

00:15:07.990 --> 00:15:10.649
know this until this meeting that we're having

00:15:10.649 --> 00:15:13.370
as I'm like getting. more and more freaked the

00:15:13.370 --> 00:15:15.909
fuck out by the situation. And so then I start

00:15:15.909 --> 00:15:18.230
getting pissed off. And when I get pissed off,

00:15:18.269 --> 00:15:20.470
I cry because it's either I get pissed off and

00:15:20.470 --> 00:15:22.110
I cry or I get pissed off and I start punching

00:15:22.110 --> 00:15:23.769
things. And I was like, I'm not trying to lose

00:15:23.769 --> 00:15:28.269
my job for destruction of property. So I'm getting

00:15:28.269 --> 00:15:30.110
more and more pissed off at the situation because

00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:32.269
I'm like, this could have been rectified if I'd

00:15:32.269 --> 00:15:35.120
been trained properly. this could have never

00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:37.899
happened and i wouldn't be sitting here freaking

00:15:37.899 --> 00:15:40.419
the fuck out had i been trained properly how

00:15:40.419 --> 00:15:43.019
did they respond to that they didn't really they

00:15:43.019 --> 00:15:47.340
just kind of were like really yeah so they were

00:15:47.340 --> 00:15:48.899
like well you're probably gonna have to talk

00:15:48.899 --> 00:15:51.879
to ap like asset protection probably gonna have

00:15:51.879 --> 00:15:54.350
to talk to the store manager I was losing my

00:15:54.350 --> 00:15:56.590
absolute shit. I had to literally be like, I

00:15:56.590 --> 00:15:58.090
need to take a break right now and walk out to

00:15:58.090 --> 00:16:00.549
my car and call my father to talk me off a ledge.

00:16:00.710 --> 00:16:02.909
Part of what was also pissing me off was the

00:16:02.909 --> 00:16:06.289
fact that this woman who I paid out when I was

00:16:06.289 --> 00:16:08.129
scanning her stuff, she's like, oh yeah, this

00:16:08.129 --> 00:16:09.070
is how I make my living.