Just A Sweet Butt

0:00 I could have fixed that. I should have fixed it 15 years ago, motherfucker. Kind of sex, segways. It's sexways in there? It's sexways right in there. Sex waxes itself in there. Annabelle went missing. They took her out of the case and lost her. Oh, I'm fully aware. That's part of the fucking podcast that I'm going to talk about today. Now go away. I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening to What the Fuck? Welcome to What the Fuck, the podcast where we say all the things you're thinking, but probably shouldn't. So this week while I was down here, it was apparently Black Biker Week, which... I didn't realize, but I knew it was a biker week, but I was like, I see no Caucasians on bikes anywhere. One of my friends, he's a biker and he was down here with a bunch of his buddies. He was like, hey, he's like, why don't you roll through, come over, hang out, whatever.

0:56 So I get there and he's like, oh yeah, he's like, let me, let me introduce you to some of my brothers, whatever. And I'm like, okay. I literally called my best friend like later that night. I don't understand what I just experienced. Please help me understand this. And still to this day, I don't understand. So I met at least six different dudes. The friend that I hung out with, like, I'm a hugger. So, like, we hugged it out. I've met you once. Now we hug. Now we're good. Every other guy that he introduced me to went to go shake hands with them. And every single one of them did one of the, like, little dead fish hands. Like, meh. And I was like. Really? What am I experiencing? And I was like, the first time it happened, I was like, oh, maybe, whatever. No, every single dude that I met just gave me a meh. Yeah, that's not good. And I was like, why is everyone that I have met and shook hands with literally giving me. They give you the fish grip. They give me the fish grip. And I was like, and I'm talking to my best friend about it. And I'm like, bro, what? Why? He's like, he's like, man, he's like, you should slap it up. Dap it up. Maybe somebody out there in what the fuck land can tell us what that's all about. I don't know. I was like, are you scared you're going to hurt my hand? No, bitch, I'll grip it. Grip it and rip it, man. Grip it and rip it for real.

2:16 And I was like, don't be afraid just because I'm a tiny little white girl. Grip my hand and shake it like a damn man. I don't know. I'm not fragile. That's weird. I mean, you would think a biker. Yeah, it's just weird that all of them. And I was like. I mean. Listen, unless you've got a fucking cast on your hand, I'm gripping it and ripping it. Shake it, bitch. Unless you've had your shit operated on like I do. Right. I mean, that's different, but none of them had. Yeah. No, we're not doing that. But it was just, it was a very odd situation to have been in. And I was like, the first time it happened, I was like, oh, okay, well, maybe he's just, whatever. But then they all did it. And I was like, why is this happening? Don't be afraid of me. Shake my fucking hand. I will say this. And it has, it is more towards the biker culture. I mean, unless their grip strength was just shit from riding all day. It kind of goes more to the biker culture. And it's very, the one thing that we hold on high as bikers is our old ladies, right?

3:14 That's the one, we call them that. And that's one of the highest forms of endearment from a biker. The highest honor for anyone. It really kind of is. And so with somebody else's, with another female or someone else's old lady. Unless we are, unless we're in the same club, same, you know, which is family, then we hug it out. But a new, you know, someone, another, the men, we have a tendency. Now, I will grip it, you know, grab it and growl. But most guys, it's more of a biker culture. Just give you a nice little shake. We move along. And, hey, great to meet you. Boop. Do you, boo -boo. Move along.

3:55 But who knows? Maybe those guys were just being gentlemen and they didn't want to. It was just a very jarring experience to have all of them. I was like, what? Listen, I'm taking care of my brother bikers, man. I think we talked about this last week. They were all very nice. Or maybe we didn't. Cool dudes. Behind that gruff exterior, there's a big heart inside that chest. Sammy, were you taken aback when Don said, you know, that we call them old ladies? No, I've heard that terminology before. Yeah. Do you know what the other term is? If you're not an old lady, if you're just a chick that hangs around the bikers, you know what we call them? I know I've heard it before, but I can't for the life of me remember right now. Sweet butt. Nice. If you're just a sweet butt, then that means you're fair game to anyone. But if you're an old lady, that's fucking hands off. Never touch a man's motorcycle or his old lady. Trust you with my wife, but not my motorcycle or my wife. Yeah. That's too funny. I left this motherfucking house yesterday.

4:58 In the morning, I take my one blood pressure pill, I take my one diabetes pill, and I take my one stimulant, my one crazy pill, my Adderall. I love Adderall, by the way. We love Adderall. And now I love it more and more because I used to be. For those of you out there who know me, I am fucking anti -pharmaceutical because I don't like the system. I think they're in bed with each other with the doctors and the insurance companies and all this shit and they're fucking Robin is blind. And they don't want to cure. They want patience. And so they band -aid this shit and feed us pills. However. Done. Stop fucking sugarcoating it. Tell us how you really feel. Jake, hear me out on this. However, folks, if you've ever felt that overwhelmingness where your heart just grabs you and you get pissed off the world, you want to punch a hole in some drywall, you want to kick a puppy, any of that type of shit, I don't kick puppies. But there are some out there who do. I literally, so I forgot to take my fucking Adderall yesterday.

5:57 And I was about halfway to Daytona. And I text Melissa. I said, hey. I forgot to take all my pills. I fucking left everything. I just woke. I didn't sleep while I woke up. She said, you want me to bring your meds out to you? I was like, fuck it. It's a short day today. We close at 4, and I'm out the door. As long as I'm busy, not thinking about that shit, everything's cool. I had this customer that came in. We're rocking and rolling. He's buying a motorcycle. Happy time for me. Get him the bike he wants. Go through some things. The standard procedure, I'm pretty quick at getting these things closed up. Get him in the F &I in the box. He's a little upside down on a trade. Got to have a little money down.

6:37 Got to talk to the wife. I understand that. It wasn't a huge amount of money, but to him, maybe it was pretty significant. The deal fell through. Not that it won't happen. next week or week after next. But right now, it fell through. And luckily, that was about 3 o 'clock. We closed at 4. From that point on, I just started getting more and more and more pissed off that that deal fell through. And that's part of sales, right? That just is what it is. It had nothing to do with him. It had nothing to do with nothing except what was going on inside my ADHD mind. Almost uncontrollable. As hard as I try. I know that, you know, I take four seconds. You hyperfixate. Yeah, hyperfixate on this stuff. And it just got more and more aggravating. And by the time I left there, it was pretty clear that I was not happy with life. And I left. I left the shop.

7:24 Went home. Walked in the house. Pissed fucking off. I walked right in the door. I didn't say shit to Melissa. I didn't say shit to them fucking dogs. Nothing. Right to the back. Took my meds. I guess I came upstairs just so I wasn't around anybody. And it literally, fucking 10 minutes. Dude, I was like, I'm still dying again. Everything's good. 10 fucking minutes. I was going to ask, are those meds, when you have a situation like that, are they fast acting? Yes. 10 fucking minutes. And I remember this, Sam. I remember the day I got home after the doc, after I went and picked it up, I got it prescribed, went and picked it up. And I was worried that I was going to go the rest of my fucking life as just a raging nutbag, an idiot, right? Uncontrollable anger, shit like that. And listen, folks, I didn't walk around pissed off all the time. I was not that guy. But when it happened, I was just a wackadoodle, man. And everything. And it didn't matter how it started. None of that mattered. And I remember getting home from Walgreens. I got this bottle of these fucking green pills. And I took that little green pill. And five or ten minutes later, I was like, huh, look at this. This is what life looks like. So I, as an anti -pharmaceutical person, except for, I like Adderall. Take your pills, folks. Don't forget them, like me. But yeah, man, that was a wild kind of a scientific project yesterday. Adderall's great. And listen,

8:54 nothing came of it, okay? But it was very clear that I was not my regular self. Yeah. Or not the person that I want to be. Ten minutes later, I'm downstairs making fucking keto pancakes, baby. Woo -hoo! I'm the only one of the three that is not ADHD. However, I don't want anyone to feel left out, including myself. If you were to see the process that I go through to edit audio, you would say that I am OCD. And I probably am. Now, I don't edit out every single breath, every single, in Samantha's case, she says the word like, like a lot. I don't edit out every single one of those because if I did, it would sound robotic. I don't edit out every time Don bumps his boom arm, which he does a lot. Just did a moment ago. Yeah. So, but. Beating that shit up. That's right, baby. I'm an audio guy.

9:52 I'm going to geek out a little bit here. All right. When we're recording this, we're using a service called Riverside. Riverside is great. The audio quality, the video, everything about this Riverside is great. Yes, Riverside, shameless plug. If you're listening, you can sponsor us or whatever. Huckleberry Studios, Riverside. So the way this works is a lot of people might think that when I edit the audio, that I have one audio file that has all three of us talking on it. No, that's not the case. I have three separate audio files. So when I'm talking and Don and Samantha are not, other things are happening in the background. If Don sneezes, if... Somebody walks in the room with Sammy. Which inevitably always happens. If it starts raining outside in one of the microphones that isn't talking right now, those are all noises that are happening in the background. Now, me as an audio engineer, it's my instinct to go to those audio files, and when they're not talking, there's just dead silence. There's no need to hear Don sneezing or Samantha's coughing. Yeah, one of them. So I edit that shit out. Now, I've heard some podcasts where they don't do that, and it irritates the fuck out of me because I'm like, okay, unless you don't have three separate audio files like I do, who wants to hear that noise in the background?

11:06 That's my OCD. Now, I pride myself in the way our podcasts sound. I think they sound very professional. They're clean. The first time I sent the very first episode to my son, Alex, who doesn't listen to podcasts, but he's listened to a few. The reason why he doesn't listen to them, very much is because he's heard enough of them that sound like garbage noise -wise. He's an audio geek like me. But he listened to our first episode, Sam, and he came back and he said, Dad, I got to tell you, the first thing I noticed was clean audio. Absolutely. And it's amazing how much cleaner it's gotten since Sammy put her mic the right fucking direction. Well, you know, there's that. There's that. Where I was going with that is I don't take medication for that because if I did, then, you know, maybe the quality of our podcast might go down because I wouldn't give a fuck. But if I have any little quirks, that's mine. It's that he cares too much, folks. He cares too much. That's his flaw. Well, here's the thing. There's several podcasts that we listen to, right? And, you know, I'm a big fan of Theo Vaughn, the Joe Rogan experience, Dirty John.

12:09 You know, there's some other ones out there that have live studio. Right? Everybody's in the same room. And you can do that. Now, these are high -dollar folks, man. We, Jake's got this really good stuff. We all have good equipment. But at the end of the day, I'm sitting in Florida. Sammy's sitting in North Carolina. Jake is sitting in Tennessee. You know, we're looking at each other. You've seen some of the videos. You know, Jake's recording himself on an iPhone, which, by the way, looks crisp as fuck. You know, Sammy, you know, on her computer and I'm on my computer. So it's challenging. And I remember the first time Jake and I, not my first experiences in the studio as a musician, but my first experience behind the board with Jake. I don't know shit about fuck to this day. Except Jake says, hit that button right there. That turns on and off audio into the box. That's all I know. the rest of them fucking buttons the blues and the reds and the greens these this goddamn i don't even know what the fuck this box is called it's got fucking wires like red yellow blue green wires hanging out of it that jake crosses over to here and this and that the other and it looks like fucking a bad spaghetti just bad i don't have a clue like the old timey switchboard operators Yeah, I think I bought Jake a shirt one time.

13:23 It says, yes, I do know what all these buttons do. But anyway, it's pretty magical to watch a good quality sound engineer, which Jake, you certainly are, and you have been for years. Well, thank you. You know, even fresh out of school. You know a thing or two. We are celebrating Memorial Day today. You know, Memorial Day is one of those, the weekend is one of those for us combat veterans that can be very challenging. I was happy to know those ladies and gentlemen who came before me without whom we would not have the freedoms we enjoy. And so let's just keep that in mind. And for those of you out there still doing the job, appreciate the fuck out of you guys and gals. Yeah. One of the most prolifically read poems on Memorial Day over the years is called In Flanders Fields by John McRae. We'd love to read this and please take a moment of silence afterwards. And then we will see you guys next week. In Flanders fields the poppies blow, between the crosses, row on row, that mark our place, and in the sky the larks, still bravely singing, fly, scarce heard, amid the guns below. We are the dead, short days ago, we lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and were loved, and now we lie in Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe, to you from falling hands we throw the torch. be yours to hold it high if ye break faith with us who die we shall not sleep though poppies grow in flanders fields john mccrea