Malicious Compliance

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Fucking bitch. Of course, you know what? I don't do that anymore. I'm such a sweetheart now these days

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I'm about to sell this shit on eBay because you know what? I don't give a fuck

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No fucks given it's gonna step away real quick to grab me another cup of coffee because while we're waiting on fucking Don to

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Get his shit together. I drank the fucking coffee

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Hey Don check out this shirt go fuck yourself. I love that

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I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening to what the fuck

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So this is the episode where Samantha and Don converge and this is either gonna be a

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case of organized chaos a clusterfuck or a train wreck and maybe a combination of all three but

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Welcome to the shit show and let's see what happens. Well, yeah

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Hey, good night everybody

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This is a good night Cleveland dude, we're in Detroit

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So Samantha Jake and I've been working together for a long time just kind of the entertainment business and you're very entertaining too

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So I I try when I heard you I heard your last show and I was like, holy shit, man

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I love this Carol. Let's let's uh, let's get together and see if we can't come up with some just a good conversation

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Yeah, especially

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Initially, you know, so I got a phone happened this week

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and I know the keep our names kind of protected for the you know to protect the innocent but

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You know, I started with this new company about three months ago

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I got the CEO that I ever portrayed the CEO disguise

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He's a sharp guy really is but he's he's had to do this job so long by himself and just challenging his pace and intensity is

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Way up there. There's nobody like this guy

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But he I basically my 90-day review got worn the fuck out like I didn't know what I was doing. Oh shit

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So it was like, alright, here's the thing. I said first off

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I need you to get the fuck out of my way

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And so it's very micromanagerial it with a little bit of narcissists mixed in I'm listening to this shit

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I'm going I don't think he realizes that every word coming out his mouth it falls right in line with

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Narcissism and a micro management and so the whole time I'm just listening to the and he likes to test people which is fine

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He's like, well, I stopped calling you because I was kind of testing to see when you'd call me. I was like, well, I won't

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Be like we ain't in a relationship. Why do I need to call you?

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Just ask you to get out of my way so I can do the job you hired me to do

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Well, you kind of got to earn that I'm like, do you fucking hear yourself? And so I just kept pushing it

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Yeah, I'm pushing it. I'm gonna earn being left alone. I'm like

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And by the end of it, I was like, listen, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do

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I'm gonna call you every day you want to hear from me malicious compliance

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I'll call you you want to know and take a shit. You want to know when I

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Yeah, you want to swear you're gonna breathe for the fifth time today like currently wiping my ass back to front

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I shook three times instead of two today

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Oh

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And I was fucking shocked you because I've been I've been an executive in this business for a lot of years

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But I was just like listening to this shit going does this guy even know?

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What the fuck is coming out of his mouth and that you talk about a what the fuck moment

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I was like, dude, you hired me on because you have been in a position for a long long time that it just you needed some relief

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So I try to give him relief and he doesn't want it. So I'm like, you know what?

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Did he work his way up to the position he's in or was this like a gifted to him kind of job?

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There's a long story behind I mean the guy

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His family had a business. He ran it for a long long time

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He did some good things and and then you know, there were some acquisitions made

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Corporate level acquisitions some big companies some some people sold some shits people bought some shit

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I don't want to get too, you know specific about it. But he was a good choice for CEO

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No doubt about it. The guys earned his way up there

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But because I was gonna say if he just was handed the job and didn't go through the ranks understand like

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People gotta do what they gotta do the way they gotta do it

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So he's earned the right to be a fucking idiot. Is that what you're saying?

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Yeah, yeah, I mean

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It truly has and

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Shout out to you CEO if you listen to this

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I don't give a shit. He can listen to it. He's a grown man

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He doesn't think personal

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We'll get through it. It's only been it's been 90 days

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But he I'm pretty sure he expected me to have the world turned around

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You know this big ass ship turned around by then and it ain't even close anyway

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That was a what the fuck

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It's hard to repair a ship when it's actively sinking bro. Yeah

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And and it and right now it's actively sinking and uh, I've got some really great ideas to not sink it but

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He doesn't really want to sink it

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But he doesn't really want to help so he keeps punching holes in it

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So Jake and I met in 2010 doing some music shit and at some point in I think was like 2014 I left

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They they shot my ass up in Chicago. I went up there and played some music and left there

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I got fired because I wasn't one of the in the good old boy club

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Which I thought you couldn't have slapped a smile off my face that day

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It was the best and my wife and I moved to Arizona and then at some point we moved back to Nashville

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So we made the full circle and and now we're back in Florida where we started to begin with

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Well, I wouldn't recommend moving to Florida anyways because I like cold weather. I don't like warm weather

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I don't like waking up and getting up my ass crack swampy every day

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I live in Jacksonville, North Carolina

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That is not good. Jay Vegas, North Carolina. I'm literally like less than five miles off the entrance to Camp Lejeune

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It's a marine town. I can tell you that. Oh, yeah. Is it? Yeah, that's the best. Yeah

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Yeah, there's a lot of so no chance of a husband coming out of that

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No, no

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So my daughter again, she's 14

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I had the last time I dated was probably when she was like two honestly and it's it's been it's not like been a forced

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celibacy by any means it's been more of a

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as a single parent with

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only my close friends and family as a support system and

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She's just as freaking ADHD autism as me and she's also got odd. So oppositional defiance disorder

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So at a very young age growing up has been a lot for me to handle and a lot for me to deal with

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So it's like my priority is not having like a partner per se right now

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It's making sure that she's makes it out of teen hood into adulthood alive

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Yeah, whether by my hand or something else

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I'll say it's so like so it's just been like I I haven't it's been on my back burner to

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Need to have a partner but i'm like and I know i'm like i'm sitting there

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I'm like, yeah as a single parent, it's difficult

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But at the same time it's like having to learn someone new which as we know from last week's episode, uh

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Trying to learn someone new is a fucking nightmare and i'm like, I don't have the bandwidth to learn a new person

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It hurts to fart. That's the one that got me here

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that cracked me i'd listened to your episode on that samatha and

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The hurts to fart guy. I cannot fucking fathom

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It wasn't even all of it like he edited some of the like stream of consciousness

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Conversation out of some of the wild shit he said but like yeah

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I'm like to try and have to learn a new person but then also have to have them learn

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Eventually my child and like that it just it was a lot and I was like this is too much

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Too much going on with me trying to like and then having to move and then all this other shit

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So I was like, you know what i'm perfectly content right now being a single parent not having a partner at this point in my life

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Like i'm okay with it. I'm not like sitting there like oh my god. I wish I was in a relationship. No

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I am not one who's like

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Needs to be in a relationship to thrive. I've made it this far and i'm still alive

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I have a what the fuck concerning children

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Uh, okay

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This is a little bit more of a serious one and i'm trying to find the humor in it and the humor is going to be

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When my daughter gets better she wants to be on the show because my daughter is a 35 year old female version of me

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Personality wise. Yes. Cuss is like a sailor

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She speaks her mind and she wants to be on the show

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But right now she's having a hard time talking because she has a blood clot

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One large blood clot and several small ones in her right lung

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damn

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A couple days before the new year. She ended up in the er

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She couldn't breathe and they ran a whole shit load of tests and that's what they found now

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Here's here's a little bit of a backstory almost exactly this same time last year

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She was in a car accident and her hip was broken the bonnet has the the ball that goes into the hip socket

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That sheared off so they had to go in do emergency surgery. They had to put hardware in to reattach that

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So she healed time went on, you know, she's you know, went back to work and everything and then almost exactly a year

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To the day she's in the hospital with blood clots

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So they're thinking possibly that was part of the cause because blood clots from your legs will travel up and eventually get into your lungs

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And the other part is birth control. So double whammy. She almost spent the night in the er

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They wanted to keep her but they didn't have any room

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So she didn't she didn't get a room until late in the night of that first night

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And then she was in a hospital for three or four days sent her home and then two days later

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She was back in the er again because she couldn't breathe. This is some scary shit. Yeah scary shit truly

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What the fuck? I mean, yeah, it's better shit. Yeah, it doesn't smoke doesn't drink. Well, she drinks but not not like that

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She's a fucking problem right there

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She's a good girl

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Yeah, like almost a year to the day. It's just it was like really but when she gets her voice back

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She's gonna be on the show and you will see what I mean when I say she is the female embodiment of jake

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Yeah, yeah, and jake i'm glad you introduced us because you could be my sister literally

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There was a time I didn't start drinking until I joined the navy

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So when I decided when I made a choice to stop drinking because I just recognized that I was irresponsible as fuck

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Yeah, you know with a capital af I just stopped drinking. It never bothered me same thing when I was

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Smoked and I'm like, yeah

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Like what the fuck am I doing this for I stopped that right? I got there

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I'm like I probably taste like an ashtray to anybody that kisses me like yeah

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And I so yeah, I I don't have an addictive personality. What I do have is an adhd personality and it's bad

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Sometimes so I hyper fixate really easy on shit. I get really been out of shape when to your expertise

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If I forget my password or if I just put the password in because I have about a half a dozen passwords

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I use right? I kind of I keep it mixed up not probably not enough, but it's like, okay

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I use this password. They're a variation of each other after three times. I lose my mind and it doesn't matter what it is

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I

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There was a time though when I lived in Nashville the first time my wife and I lived in this really nice condo

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It went downstairs to the garage

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So we had this straight stairway when you came up the stairway

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The first thing you saw was my desk and and I worked from home

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This was back when mac was plastic. Remember the macbook bros were plastic

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My brother still has his got the aluminum cases on him. So this is where it started

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And I remember just I'd get pissed off at something and I don't like to stay pissed off hurts my heart

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I'm generally a happy guy. I'm a nice person generally speaking

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I can make you feel like a million bucks

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But with the theory of equal opposite reaction, I could also make you feel like a total turd piece of shit

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And I don't like that part of me

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But there was a time when I would be on my computer working whatever and something wouldn't work and I couldn't figure it out

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And my adh do it kicking so badly that I didn't want to ask for help. You know, I mean, you know samantha how it is

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Oh, yeah, I would whip that motherfucker down range

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Oh, so I had a metal door down at the garage downstairs and I bounced that mac off that metal door down there

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I went through about five laptops in one year

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Jesus and I recognized that perhaps

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That's an expensive anger. It was not cheap. So yeah, I realized I was like man

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I maybe I have a problem here

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Yeah, I got a couple couple couple g's worth of problems. I went to my wife. I was like, what do you think's wrong?

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What do you think's wrong with me? She's like, I don't know you fucked up in the head

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So every now and then I would get a text like what's my fucking password?

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And the running joke was I came up with this password for all our friends that would send me that text. I said it's capital a

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dollar sign the number five

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H o one e there's your password

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Which by the way, fuck you man, because i'm gonna start using that one

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That's gonna be a new variant to my fucking repertoire. I appreciate you jake

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You're the man. I got you done. You know what you always have and I love that

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This has been more of a counseling session than anything and I love that

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We literally just had this conversation about our last episode. We were like these are like therapy sessions

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Yeah, man, it is. Yeah, and I need this

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You know not for nothing, but my wife who is a doll by the way, jake

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Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's a librarian. She's a teacher. She's a servant leader

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That's awesome all those things that you ever want out of a good human being right? Yeah, but she also likes

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Padrone cigars. She rides a harley road glide special

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You know one of these kind of people that you just never saw coming

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So she does her very best to keep me aj squared away and I can get very sporty

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jake's probably seen it a couple of times I get very very sporty when it comes to certain things

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Yeah, and uh and turn into a real special dickhead

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And then after I get done with it, it's off my chest, right? My the pressure's gone except. I feel like a douche now

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Yeah

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To add what uh what don was saying about melissa when don and I did our episode a lot was edited out

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When you feed melissa jack honey

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Special things happen

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I don't know that i've ever done dark liquor before and i'm scared because

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I'm gonna tell you i'll tell you the story in short and you could you could you could leave this in the show jake

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There was so jake and I were playing a show one night with a musician friend of ours

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And when I don't know we had like six fucking guitars on stage. It was just one of those

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And uh jake and I were having we were having a blast

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I don't know if jake was playing fucking drums or if he was playing a bass and the guitar at the same time

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Fucking no

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So and this was this was right by his house

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This was up on the hill and not too far from us and we lived in we lived in gallatin tennessee at the time

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And they had a tray of brown liquor out there. Uh, I think it was jack honey

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We're pretty sure it was it wouldn't have mattered and she got fucking hammered and she got hammered to the point where

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That like words didn't mean shit to her

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And anyway jake and I chased her up and down that goddamn mountain a couple of times

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She was fucking driving on the road. I said go back to the bar and pull over

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So she she made it back to the bar barely and uh, and so I chewed her ass out

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Right, like like like I was her daddy all the way back to gallatin probably a 30 minute drive. I wore

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Her the fuck out. I mean just bad

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There was a point when she says I need help pulling my boots off. She says I need some hands

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She was fucking hammered. I pulled the boot off and handed it to her

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But when I handed it to her she grabbed it and fucking hit me in the face with the heel

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she

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She had had enough of her of her wonderful husband trying to make a point and she fucking cold cocked the shit out of me

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And it was and and here's the thing though

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You know, you know if there's little moments in life and I was bleeding like a hog

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We woke up the next morning looking at each other like the fuck happened last night

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What happened though jake and I never told you this that was the day I realized that maybe

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I really love this woman, you know, sometimes you have those you have those epiphanies. You're like she just whooped my ass and I loved it

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I I know not not that she hit me in the face. Um, I did to to an extent kind of dig that

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Um, but because it showed that she she wouldn't I didn't have a yes person. You understand what I mean by that?

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Yeah, right, but it scared me so fucking bad at jake

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I mean jake saw some emotion come out of me that night that was like, uh, that's pretty fucking rare

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But yeah, she hit me in the goddamn face with that boot and I mean, uh like like a pro

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So we knocked sense in the end and knocked the dog shit out of me

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I was the best so to backtrack just a little bit don was right

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I lived like a quarter of a mile from this bar. Like I lived I lived that close, right?

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So I actually went home. I was actually home. I had just walked in the fucking door don's blown up my phone jake

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I need you back up the bar. I'm like what are we doing a fucking encore? What what he said? No, he said

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Melissa is in her fucking truck driving down the fucking mountain

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I'm like i'll be right there and literally I was there like in two minutes. So we're we're oh, that was crazy

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Yeah, but now at the end of the day

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We uh, we made it everybody that in fact, no one even got hurt

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So no one went to jail and the only person that got I got popped in the face and I fucking earned it

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I deserved it. So let's talk about pit diapers the pit diaper the fucking pit diaper

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How could I have forgotten the pit diaper if you find one buy it i'll pay you back

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So don on that episode when I said to samantha I said how scary is it that I know two people that would buy that and use it

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Um, I will fucking definitely do that

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And listen my moshi samantha my mosh pit days were not

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metal

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Girljam was the greatest mosh pit of all time i'd ever been in and wow it was at that point when I should have said man

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If I can only come up with a way for these people to piss

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on themselves

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And and have a collector's item and maybe even save that I don't know

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To keep from having to leave this awesome pit

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Go to the head come back

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Reestablish