Season 1 Blooper Reel

0:00 I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening to What the F - I forgot this because I tell this - Oh, hello, cat. Hold on. Where did you come from? Sorry. Interruptus. Girl. Let go, let go, let go. So sorry. We'll be editing that out. All right. Take two. And he was being real sheepish. Say that ten times, Jake. Sheepish. I don't know. So take two. Let me try talking again. The delusion. Always a cat interrupting this damn podcast. This is during the part when we don't have to put it in there.

0:52 I like that Harley -Davidson mug. You like that? Man, this thing will hurt somebody if you chuck it at them. Of course, it costs $25, so I would hope it would hurt somebody. Well, it's got Harley -Davidson written on the side of it. You know what HD stands for? $100. It's distasteful. It's distasteful. Hold on. Rented lips. Sorry. Words are hard. Anybody actually use the Better People Business website? Of course, you know what? I don't do that anymore. I'm such a sweetheart now these days. I'm about to sell this shit on eBay because you know what? I don't give a fuck.

1:37 No fucks given. I'm just going to step away real quick to grab me another cup of coffee because while we're waiting on fucking Don to get his shit together, I drank the fucking coffee. I had to fill up my water bottle. Hey, Don, check out this shirt. Go fuck yourself. I love that. We love some Jake. Yeah. Yeah. And that means I got to pretty myself up for this shit. Me too. So that's going to take a lot of work. We don't have all the time in the fucking day for that. Cause I'm a passive aggressive, petty bitch. And that's okay. Son of a bitch. I have to cancel it. If you're born stupid, you don't know. You don't know any fucking. Yeah. It's like being dead. That is f***ed up, Jake. Get real close to that mic. Ooh, Samantha, that was kind of pornesque. So the three of us... Motherf***er.

2:23 So much violence. F***ing up the pop shield. Made out of swamp ash. No, I didn't say swamp ass. God, I hope it's not made out of swamp ass. I identify as a woman who's been pregnant. Well, s***. I hope I didn't f*** that up, but... I may be good looking, but I can't sing where the fuck. See you next Tuesday. I have a little enamel pin. I love that. Excuse me. Nice. I'm not like Jake where it's like, hey, ladies. Well, you know, hey. Check out this dick. Got that fucking Barry White voice going on. Come on to my house. Hey, mama. Be my biatch. Giddens. Giddens. Fuck me running. Words are hard, man. Giddens. Stop watching fucking Pornhub on your phone there, first of all. Yeah, let's. Settle down a little bit there, Jake. I read smut like it's my fucking job. Going through midget porn withdrawals right about now. Most of them are pretty cool. I hear things going on down there that are just not good. Right at like tit level for me. It's so big. I'm 5 '6 for reference. Did you just say tit level? I did. It's a unit of measure. Tit level. Tit level. I'm going to giggle at that for the rest of the fucking day. Thank you, Samantha.

3:34 You're welcome. We want to have a job sometimes or not. He didn't say blow job. Listen, I'll take what I can fucking get at this point. Job's a job, man. 20 bucks is 20 bucks, motherfucker. So are you going to survive over there? I'm good. That's what you get for smoking that fucking skunk weed, girlfriend. Stop fucking with that cheap shit. Remember, I'm the fucking guy that still has a job at... True that. Well, that explains his fucking attitude then. City of brotherly fucking love my ass. Hookers and blow and all, whatever. I didn't do that. The hooker part I did. That was fun. That was fun. Come on in and lay down on my couch and tell Jake. I'm like fucking trying to tune in Tokyo. Nice. So here we go. That's why God gave us all nipples. I know, right? Play with mine. I know that's going to be on a blooper reel somewhere. Try to keep me and Don contained. And good f***ing luck with that. There is no law that says your manager can't be a total f***. She's taking full advantage of that. A pro -level piece of f***. Most people look at me and go, okay, he's 22 and hot with a giant penis. And that's not what people say at all. Something's stuck in my throat there.

4:50 The blooper reel is just creating itself now. Damn, man. That's the government penalizing you for good choices. He didn't say penis. The government penis is going to shaft you one way or another. Like, what do you bitch? I bitched your mom last night. Like, it's bitch level. But the other two. Customers, they can't remember a fucking password. Meanwhile, Jake's hungover like a bitch. At seven in the morning while hung the fuck over. Military retirees. He didn't say retarded. Well, plus you're a podcast superstar now, so. Yeah, yeah. I get like 20 people listening. How about that? Which means he probably has a small penis.

5:32 God damn it. It's not what his wife says. Janky ass puzzle piece. Tweet, tweet, motherfucker. Look at my new knife. I used it to do surgery on my box. Yeah, don't say that. Sammy, please. I did. I had to cut up a box. Unless you're talking about dick size and we always round up anyway. Yeah, and I'm Irish, so she's dumber than me. Wow.