Season 2 Blooper Reel

WEBVTT

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I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is the Don.

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And you're listening to What The Fu - Why are

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my tits falling off? What's going on? Ugh! What

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is - What the fuck? To make this long story longer.

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I think it was at a fucking birthday. Jake went

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for another naked hiney. You know naked hineys?

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69 calories. Giggity. That's my favorite number.

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You can be gay as a picnic basket. In the words

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of my wife. You can have flowers shooting out

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of your ass. I don't give a fuck. Hey, what's

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up everybody? What's up? Yeah, let's try that

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again there, motherfucker. This motherfucker,

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and you can edit that out if you want to. Are

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you fucking serious? What do the rest of them

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hookers look like? Damn. What the fuck did you

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do? Really perks your nipples up. My nipples

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would bing. You could go fork a yard and it would

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fork it up bad. That is forked up. I tell my

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dogs, if you keep it up, I'm going to fuck you

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up. They somehow understand that. Oh, shit. What?

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That sounds like what PTSD is made of, Melinda.

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Don't try to gaslight me, motherfucker. Try not

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to claim too much Gemini, because Gemini chicks

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are cunts. What the fuck, Donald? Listen, baby,

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I'm that guy. Bringing out the government name.

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The most significant thing, I think, besides

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me being born that day, you're welcome, motherfuckers.

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dick state she is fucking somebody up dick oh

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fuck she muted us yeah i'm bombing it's a good

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time to take a piss anyway right yeah she eats

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like a fucking linebacker to stretch the sauce

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you gotta stretch the sauce to you if you want

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to clean shitters for living your heart professional

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shitters i was gonna say that If you want to

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clean shitters, you... Professional shitters.

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Which I was. Speaking of big bitches... Speaking

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of big bitches, that's fucking harder to say

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than what I thought it was. The views depicted

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in this podcast are not necessarily representative.

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Yeah. Talked about Frank, uh, France. Words are

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fucking hard. We talked about... Damn. Shit.

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I'm telling you, bidets are great. They don't

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shoot up your asshole. It's literally just a

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gentle, like, we're just - Please don't take

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the fun out of this for him. Every time I go

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to WebMD, I need a new Harley, so. It's like,

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listen, you ain't sick, you pussy -ass bitch.

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Go buy a new fucking motorcycle. Let me pull

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up WebMD now, see if that shit works for me.

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I had one actor who could not say birthday. He

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would say birthday. And you don't want to call

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somebody out and, you know, make them feel stupid

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or whatever. But I was like, okay, can we try

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- birthday again? And you go, yeah, okay, so

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it happened to be my birthday. And I'm like,

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what the fuck is wrong? I've got a fucking hair

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in my mouth. Well, I wonder why. I'm a fucker.

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Anyway, while the band's out drinking and getting

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strange wool, you're working. So don't be a fuck

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up. Yeah. It doesn't say anything dumb like eat

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at the Y. No, it's literally just a half sun,

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half moon that I had drawn that he transposed

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onto me. On dry, sterile dressing. Not duct tape.

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As long as it's sterile. Jesus. There is something

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to be said about rodent. That's all I'm going

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to say about that. Well, in my case, it wouldn't

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be skinny dipping. It would be chunky dunking.

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Better fucking do what you son of a bitch. Catholicism.

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Catholicism? Whatever. I don't fucking know the

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word for it. So please. So maybe I'm not fucking

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crazy. Well, you're fucking crazy. Well, my throat

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is properly lubricated. That did not sound right.

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That was exactly what you said. Pause. The thought

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went through my head and it came out of my mouth.

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You need to stop talking, dude. Yeah, yeah. Not

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for nothing, Jake, but I'm here to help. I can

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fix that. You should have fixed it 15 years ago,

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motherfucker. Kind of sex, segways. It's sexways

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in there? It's sexways right in there. Sex waxes

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itself in there. Annabelle went missing. They

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took her out of the case and lost her. Oh, I'm

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fully aware. That's part of the fucking podcast

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that I'm going to talk about today. Now go away.

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We're just big boned, y 'all. She said big boned.

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Hell no, I'm not paying for no fucking pretzels.

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No. I identify as a dude with huge nuts. On my

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chest. On my chest. Well, mine's drug related.

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Nice. That made me feel all self -conscious.

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I have to touch my boobies. Calm myself down.

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Hey, this is JJ and I'm fondling myself and you're

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listening to What the F***. I love Niecy Nash.

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Oh my God. That woman could suffocate me with

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them t***s. They need to crack a book that starts

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with the word dick and ends with shenary. I did

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not realize we were going to have this. this

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much good stuff. You were not mentally prepared?

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No, and I'm glad. I have no filter sometimes.

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Being mentally prepared is for fucking losers.

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TMI should be my middle name. I want that shit

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smashed in my face, man. Watch this right here.

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Watch. Oh, mother fucker. But it like, it went

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through. Really? Fucking dog. It went. Were you

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having weird kinky sex? No. What do they call

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it? The fourth hole? Yeah. We're not editing

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any of this shit out. I do have a hole in the

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back of my thigh. Fuck yeah, you do. Because

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I fell on a piece of rebar and stabbed myself.

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Whatever helps you sleep at night, kiddo. Be

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your nuggets. Be fucking you up. No, I actually

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quit drinking those. Or quit eating those. So

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how old's your mom right here? 67. She's fucking

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hot, dude. I know. Mustaches make y 'all menfolk

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look old. Well, your mustache makes you look

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young, if that's any consolation. Go fuck yourself

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twice, okay? Well, you don't have a mustache.

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You have a goatee. That would just clamp the

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fucking day down, right, to my penis. The fuck

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it wasn't. Yeah. I got it right here, motherfucker.

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Motherfucker. Shut that fucking dog up. My Jolly

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Green Giant just woke up. Uh -oh. Jolly Green

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Giant. What a cutie pie. She just woke up. No

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mistaking who your mommy is. All right, get out.

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One rhymes with grandma -haw, and the other with

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you pukey. That's perfect, Sammy. What did you

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blow just now? Everything. I blew everything.

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I don't think you blew everything. Yeah, I blew

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every open port I could find. Done. You're crystal

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clear like a mother f***er. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

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Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Bulls***! What the

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fuck is my nose? That's not even my nose running.

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That's fucking sweat. That's how fucking hot

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it is in here. Dude, your hair looks slicked

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back like meatloaf. Kind of in love with both

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of them and has to basically pick. Rude. I gotta

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pee. Feel free. Go for it. Go on, take that thing

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out, son. I gots to pee. I hope he leaves that

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in there, too. We lost him. What the fuck? Oh,

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no. Name one fucking pill that you've taken.

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Name one. That cures your problem. Xanax. Xanax.

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I'll take a tickling fetish over like a bukkake

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fetish. It's a fucking nasty shit right there.

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I don't care about putting my feet on the internet.

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I'm not going to put my hooch on there. Oh, see,

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that's the thing. I shit you negative. When the

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fucking Amazon truck doesn't show up here. People

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get real concerned. Is that okay? This motherfucker's

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going to rage bait me, I swear to fucking God.

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Yeah, because that's how we roll, bitch. As my

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dad would say so colorfully. Words are hard.

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Still. It's like one of those little ones. You

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build a link tree. Link tree this. I'll make

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psychedelic videos like I'm on heroin. I was

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just sitting here holding my Cheez -It. Sam was

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finally in her Cheez -Its. What the fuck is going

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on outside of my yard? Is it Wild Kingdom there?

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Not a hardy, softy. A hardy. Not a hardy, it's

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a softy.