Season 2 Blooper Reel

0:00 I'm Jake Jacobs. This is Sammy. This is the Don. And you're listening to What The Fu - Why are my tits falling off? What's going on? Ugh! What is - What the fuck? To make this long story longer. I think it was at a fucking birthday. Jake went for another naked hiney. You know naked hineys? 69 calories. Giggity. That's my favorite number. You can be gay as a picnic basket. In the words of my wife. You can have flowers shooting out of your ass. I don't give a fuck. Hey, what's up everybody? What's up? Yeah, let's try that again there, motherfucker. This motherfucker, and you can edit that out if you want to. Are you fucking serious? What do the rest of them hookers look like? Damn. What the fuck did you do? Really perks your nipples up. My nipples would bing. You could go fork a yard and it would fork it up bad. That is forked up. I tell my dogs, if you keep it up, I'm going to fuck you up. They somehow understand that. Oh, shit. What?

1:09 That sounds like what PTSD is made of, Melinda. Don't try to gaslight me, motherfucker. Try not to claim too much Gemini, because Gemini chicks are cunts. What the fuck, Donald? Listen, baby, I'm that guy. Bringing out the government name. The most significant thing, I think, besides me being born that day, you're welcome, motherfuckers. dick state she is fucking somebody up dick oh fuck she muted us yeah i'm bombing it's a good time to take a piss anyway right yeah she eats like a fucking linebacker to stretch the sauce you gotta stretch the sauce to you if you want to clean shitters for living your heart professional shitters i was gonna say that If you want to clean shitters, you... Professional shitters.

2:00 Which I was. Speaking of big bitches... Speaking of big bitches, that's fucking harder to say than what I thought it was. The views depicted in this podcast are not necessarily representative. Yeah. Talked about Frank, uh, France. Words are fucking hard. We talked about... Damn. Shit. I'm telling you, bidets are great. They don't shoot up your asshole. It's literally just a gentle, like, we're just - Please don't take the fun out of this for him. Every time I go to WebMD, I need a new Harley, so. It's like, listen, you ain't sick, you pussy -ass bitch. Go buy a new fucking motorcycle. Let me pull up WebMD now, see if that shit works for me. I had one actor who could not say birthday. He would say birthday. And you don't want to call somebody out and, you know, make them feel stupid or whatever. But I was like, okay, can we try - birthday again? And you go, yeah, okay, so it happened to be my birthday. And I'm like, what the fuck is wrong? I've got a fucking hair in my mouth. Well, I wonder why. I'm a fucker.

3:02 Anyway, while the band's out drinking and getting strange wool, you're working. So don't be a fuck up. Yeah. It doesn't say anything dumb like eat at the Y. No, it's literally just a half sun, half moon that I had drawn that he transposed onto me. On dry, sterile dressing. Not duct tape. As long as it's sterile. Jesus. There is something to be said about rodent. That's all I'm going to say about that. Well, in my case, it wouldn't be skinny dipping. It would be chunky dunking. Better fucking do what you son of a bitch. Catholicism. Catholicism? Whatever. I don't fucking know the word for it. So please. So maybe I'm not fucking crazy. Well, you're fucking crazy. Well, my throat is properly lubricated. That did not sound right.

3:48 That was exactly what you said. Pause. The thought went through my head and it came out of my mouth. You need to stop talking, dude. Yeah, yeah. Not for nothing, Jake, but I'm here to help. I can fix that. You should have fixed it 15 years ago, motherfucker. Kind of sex, segways. It's sexways in there? It's sexways right in there. Sex waxes itself in there. Annabelle went missing. They took her out of the case and lost her. Oh, I'm fully aware. That's part of the fucking podcast that I'm going to talk about today. Now go away. We're just big boned, y 'all. She said big boned. Hell no, I'm not paying for no fucking pretzels. No. I identify as a dude with huge nuts. On my chest. On my chest. Well, mine's drug related.

4:37 Nice. That made me feel all self -conscious. I have to touch my boobies. Calm myself down. Hey, this is JJ and I'm fondling myself and you're listening to What the F***. I love Niecy Nash. Oh my God. That woman could suffocate me with them t***s. They need to crack a book that starts with the word dick and ends with shenary. I did not realize we were going to have this. this much good stuff. You were not mentally prepared? No, and I'm glad. I have no filter sometimes. Being mentally prepared is for fucking losers. TMI should be my middle name. I want that shit smashed in my face, man. Watch this right here.

5:20 Watch. Oh, mother fucker. But it like, it went through. Really? Fucking dog. It went. Were you having weird kinky sex? No. What do they call it? The fourth hole? Yeah. We're not editing any of this shit out. I do have a hole in the back of my thigh. Fuck yeah, you do. Because I fell on a piece of rebar and stabbed myself. Whatever helps you sleep at night, kiddo. Be your nuggets. Be fucking you up. No, I actually quit drinking those. Or quit eating those. So how old's your mom right here? 67. She's fucking hot, dude. I know. Mustaches make y 'all menfolk look old. Well, your mustache makes you look young, if that's any consolation. Go fuck yourself twice, okay? Well, you don't have a mustache.

6:06 You have a goatee. That would just clamp the fucking day down, right, to my penis. The fuck it wasn't. Yeah. I got it right here, motherfucker. Motherfucker. Shut that fucking dog up. My Jolly Green Giant just woke up. Uh -oh. Jolly Green Giant. What a cutie pie. She just woke up. No mistaking who your mommy is. All right, get out. One rhymes with grandma -haw, and the other with you pukey. That's perfect, Sammy. What did you blow just now? Everything. I blew everything. I don't think you blew everything. Yeah, I blew every open port I could find. Done. You're crystal clear like a mother f***er. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

6:49 Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Bulls***! What the fuck is my nose? That's not even my nose running. That's fucking sweat. That's how fucking hot it is in here. Dude, your hair looks slicked back like meatloaf. Kind of in love with both of them and has to basically pick. Rude. I gotta pee. Feel free. Go for it. Go on, take that thing out, son. I gots to pee. I hope he leaves that in there, too. We lost him. What the fuck? Oh, no. Name one fucking pill that you've taken. Name one. That cures your problem. Xanax. Xanax. I'll take a tickling fetish over like a bukkake fetish. It's a fucking nasty shit right there.

7:33 I don't care about putting my feet on the internet. I'm not going to put my hooch on there. Oh, see, that's the thing. I shit you negative. When the fucking Amazon truck doesn't show up here. People get real concerned. Is that okay? This motherfucker's going to rage bait me, I swear to fucking God. Yeah, because that's how we roll, bitch. As my dad would say so colorfully. Words are hard. Still. It's like one of those little ones. You build a link tree. Link tree this. I'll make psychedelic videos like I'm on heroin. I was just sitting here holding my Cheez -It. Sam was finally in her Cheez -Its. What the fuck is going on outside of my yard? Is it Wild Kingdom there?

8:25 Not a hardy, softy. A hardy. Not a hardy, it's a softy.