The Better People Bureau

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I believe I forgot this because I tell this oh hello cat hold on

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Where did you come from sorry interrupt us girl?

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Like go like go like go so sorry editing that out

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I'm Jake Jacobs, and you're listening to what the fuck?

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First guest is Samantha and Samantha is one of my colleagues with the job that we do there's a lot of material to choose from

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But it's not going to be just about work if you've listened to the intro anything that happens in everyday life

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Anything that could make you even think or utter either under your breath or out loud this phrase

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What the fuck is what we're talking about Samantha welcome to the show. Hi. Thanks for having me. Are you very welcome?

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You've heard the intro would think of the format of the show

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I mean

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It's definitely something that intrigues me and I'm interested in because I deal with it on a daily basis

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Both like you said with our with our line of work. I also have a teenager so between the two

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There's a lot of what the fuck moments that happen on a daily basis

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And understand I was watching the football game last night that I'm not a Chiefs fan

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So that there was there was plenty of what the fuck moments for me, so

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Yeah, yeah, they've barely been squeaking by this whole season, but yet they're still winning so yeah, we'll see

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So I think the best way to kick this off and and no pressure by the way you are the first

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Guest on this show my first podcast as well. So breaking barriers today. Let

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Me ask you this when was the last time you said it and how did you say it?

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Was it a question was it said an exasperation like give me the context. It was probably honestly yesterday with my teenager

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While we were out shopping she decided that she was going to wander off in the store and come back and

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For context she's only 14 and so she wandered. I mean I say only 14

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I mean she I let her wander sometimes

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But no she wanders off comes back and is bringing me clothes that she wants to buy that I'm like

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All right, you're 14. You're you're wanting me to buy you crop tops and mini skirts. I'm like sis

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You're not 18. I said when you're 18 you can buy this you can wear this whatever and

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She'll sit there and be like but mom the other kids in school wear this I said in what world

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Are there other parents letting their teenage children wear stuff like this?

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Conscious I'm like when I was younger trust me

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I used to wear this kind of stuff behind my parents back

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But that's cuz I would get it from my friends or whatever. I was like, but no I was like what the fuck I'm like you

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What the fuck? No, you're not you're not wearing this kind of stuff at 14 years old

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So when you said it or when you thought it or however, it came out it was a question. Yes

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Yeah, probably more like a question. Yeah

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Always trying to push the boundaries. She thinks she's older than she is. Yeah. Well teenagers will do that to you

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Thank God. I don't have teenagers anymore. But uh, so that's a good one for me

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The last time I said it was actually this morning when I woke up knowing that I was going to be doing this podcast with you

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This morning. I woke up with a little bit of a scratchy throat a little bit of congestion there

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So my first thought I didn't say it but my first thought was what the fuck?

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No, be like the day of

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Like seriously this day just my luck

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It was kind of like in context when when something happens and maybe sometimes instead of saying what the fuck you're like really

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Which kind of has the same context, you know, it's like a rated G version of saying it

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Yeah, it just feels like what the fuck is it more like it's universal because of how versatile the word in and of itself is

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But like yeah, it definitely can be replaced so many different things in so many different contexts that it's like it's so wild

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That it can be utilized so frequently for so many attributes that it goes towards

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So I just I recently got a tattoo and I was like the whole time

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I think it took maybe 10 15 20 minutes most for the tattoo because it's just a small one

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And like I'm sitting there talking to her as she's doing it and she goes, okay, I'm done. I'm like you started

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What? Right?

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We're done. What the fuck?

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How was that so quick and literally painless like it's up on my shoulder blade and I was like, oh

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Wow, I don't remember them being this not painful because I've got like with this one now

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I think 11 or 12 tattoos and most of them are from the waist down because for the longest time

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I was under the delusion that I was going to get some type of high-ranking corporate job and

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Couldn't have anything showing and I was like, yeah, that's never gonna happen

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So I don't care anymore, but the ones in the bottom half, they weren't that bad

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But I just I was like, wow, everybody says like your shoulder because it's like on the bone and everything

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They're like, oh, it's gonna hurt so bad. I'm like I felt nothing

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Literally nothing. So I was like, well now I want another one

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They're addicting yeah, they are I have a few so I and I know the the worst one for me was I have one

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On my chest the other ones I had weren't that bad. I'm like everyone always says all tattoos don't hurt

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Well, I was one of those people that said that until I got this one and the closer he got to my armpit

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I was going out of my mind. Like it was that hurt. I was like what the fuck

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This is not supposed to be painful. Like this goes against everything that I was saying before I came here today

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Well, he was doing the outline and just in black when he got the outline done

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I'm like dude, I need to step out there. Then there was a bar next door

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I'm like I need to go have a shot. He goes no, no, no, I'm not doing that

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He said I don't tattoo people that have been drinking or in the process of drinking should bleed more

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Yeah, he said if you need a break, you know, go out smoke a cigarette. It was back when I smoked cigarettes

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He's like, you know, we'll go out. We'll have a smoke. He said but I know no alcohol

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I'm like what the fuck is going on?

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I'm like no no alcohol. I'm like what the fuck dude, seriously?

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Because you still got to get to the shading and the shading is the worst part

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Well, yeah, the shading needles have more it's not just one needle now. It's like multiple needles in there

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So nowadays they have ones that have like upwards of like 20 needles in them too

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Like if you're doing a real big piece, yeah, and I'm like

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The second question I would ask you is what was your funniest?

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What the fuck moment if you had to pick one funniest what the fuck moment I had was when I worked at our

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We had a restaurant when I was in high school and just out of high school for a couple years before the 2007 recession hit and we

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Unfortunately had to shut down but it was a seafood restaurant. My whole family is like in the seafood industry

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so like they're on my dad's side, so it's it's big in our family and

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Back when I was probably like 19 or 20 we had a customer come in

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It was him wife and I want to say six kids

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So it was eight of them and the way that our restaurant worked is we had an automatic gratuity for parties of eight and over

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Okay, and so whether they are tiny humans or full grown humans. Yeah, eight is eight

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so

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The whole time i'm serving them they're doing because they came in during happy hour

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They're ordering all this happy hour stuff like shrimp whatever blah blah. I am literally material like we weren't that busy

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So I was like materializing this as quickly as humanly possible like because we weren't that busy

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Getting him all the stuff getting the kids meals getting drinks blah blah blah, whatever

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They get the check and they're like, why is this gratuity?

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And i'm like I explained this to y'all at the beginning of this interaction. Don't even ask me why there's on there

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You know why it's on there exactly

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And so he starts bitch moaning complaining about it

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And the wife goes to take the kids out to the car. He does eventually pay but then they leave

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But then he walks back in and he goes, you know what? No, I want to talk to your manager. I said

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I bet because my father's my manager because he's the owner. So i'm like, but he doesn't know that so i'm like, okay

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So I go get my dad and i'm like, hey dad. I was like, here's the deal

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I was literally like if I could have star trek beam me up this food to their table any faster

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I would have but literally it was like put the order in it came up within like two minutes and it was out of the table

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I promise you

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Shit was going out quick, right?

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So he's like, all right, I got this so we both go out and stand there and i'm standing next to my father like

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Here's the manager

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And so he's talking to my dad and he's like she was horrible

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Service was horrible food was not coming out fast enough drinks were not coming out fast enough

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Just bitch moaning complaining typical care in the world from this man

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Or in the early 2000s. Um, and so he's sitting there. He's like, what are you gonna do about it? He goes

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well, I

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Personally was walking the floor and I did not see the same thing that you're describing to me now

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Well, I want her fired and he goes, oh you want me to fire my daughter and this man's eyes bugged out of his brain

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and he was like

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I'm gonna report you to the better business bureau and then my dad goes

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I'm gonna report you to the better people bureau get out of my restaurant

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And I just thought it was the funniest fucking thing on the face of the earth and I was like

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And then we both high-fived and I was like, thanks dad. Love you

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Oh my god, just like he was like get out of my restaurant or i'm gonna have you trespassed and he was like

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My father he was he was a karen slash ken before that was even a thing

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You know, it's so funny. My father's name is ken. So I find it absolutely hilarious. No, no, I find it hilarious

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But yeah, no it yeah, he was or kevin or whatever the whatever the meal. Yeah

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He was kerning before kerning was a thing. I'm just sick burn dad

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That really does need to be a thing the better people bureau, right?

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Like what if it isn't a thing then then somebody needs to start it?

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That's yeah, that's that's probably my favorite what the fuck moment of my life is my father telling some random man

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Because he had to put eight percent gratuity on happy hour, which was already discounted anyways

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um

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And then he was gonna call the better people bureau on him

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Just tumor

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You know, I don't think everything that my father told 就是我才有 因為我 Nah it's not like i'm so dependent on thealand

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So when he did this is my father spent his entire life trying to beIA

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Children isn't a matter of name nor apt Dave you you don't want people looking that way

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You know um

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I need you all know Danielle you know

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It's all important one another

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You don't try to continue that

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Facebook. And I'm like, well, you know, what do you mean?

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Keep in mind, number one, I don't work for Facebook.

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Okay. I have an idea where this is going. Okay.

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Let's just get that out of the way.

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You're like, I don't work for Facebook.

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You don't work for Metta. Yeah. Try to call Metta or Facebook and tell me how that

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goes for you. But anyway, she says, I'm getting regular notifications by Newsfeed.

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Everything is looking good, but I haven't gotten very many happy birthdays on my

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timeline. Yeah. I literally had to mute my headset because I don't know if I said

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it out loud, but I know I thought, what the fuck? Right. So when I regained...

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Let me hold your hand when I tell you.

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When I regained composure, I'm like...

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It's not Facebook.

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I said, ma'am, you are getting other things on your timeline. Like any normal day,

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you're seeing things that are popping up like memes and stuff like that.

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She said, yeah, everything looks good.

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She said, I just don't think I'm getting the amount of birthday wishes that I

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normally get.

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Oh, no. You need to sit down and really take a look at your life, see how you

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treat people. That should answer why you're not getting as many as you normally

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do. How would how do you act this past year?

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Yeah. Well, I said, are you getting any?

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She goes, yeah, I've gotten a few, just not as many as I normally would.

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Or as I'm not getting as many as I think I should.

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I don't know exactly how she said it, but it was like so...

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What a wild thing to say.

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Like you should never assume that you're just going to get every one of your

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God knows how many friends to say happy birthday on your birthday every year.

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Right.

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Like if I get birthday wishes on my Facebook, which I seldom check anyways,

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honestly, I'm just like, oh, people still know about me?

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Cool. People remember me?

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Oh, thanks, guys.

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Like, I don't expect it.

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Good Lord.

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We call it Facebook, be like, I'm sorry, can you please send a notice out to all

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of my friends list and be like, why are you not messaging your best friend in the

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whole world? It's her birthday.

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Like, come on now. And it's truly what the fuck?

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Yeah.

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God, did that woman ever listen to this and be like, that sounds awfully familiar.

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I know.

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We didn't say your name.

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I didn't say your name.

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Unless you told anybody, nobody's going to know it's you either.

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Yeah.

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The company that I worked for before the company,

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you and I work for now, I was doing tech support and I had a caller.

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I don't remember what her issue was with her device, but she made a point to tell

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me that she was in the adult film industry and she proceeded to give me the

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link to her website where I could, you know, then, you know, that's subscribe,

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subscribe.

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And that was a well, you know what?

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I think I might have said that my first thought was, was probably, you know,

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my first thought was, was probably seriously.

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But that could be loosely translated to what the fuck?

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I mean, they're kind of professional setting.

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What the fuck?

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So I, I fixed her issue.

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I don't like I said, I don't remember what it was, but I fixed it.

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And then when I got home that night, I may or may not have went to the website

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and checked it out, but I'll just leave that to your imagination.

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But like, uh, I mean, now I'm slightly curious to just be like, maybe I'll check

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it out.

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And you check it out and you're like, all right.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's too funny.

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So here's a, here's a food related.

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What the fuck?

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When I was in the Navy, at one point I was stationed down in Texas.

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I started having sinus issues and I went to the, to the VA.

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Well, it wasn't the VA hospital.

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I had to go to the, the air force hospital in San Antonio, which is where the

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air force bootcamp is.

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So I was at Wolford hall medical center and they did, they were doing some

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testing and they, they told me that I had a deviated septum, fancy way of saying

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that you have a broken nose basically.

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So they're like, well, there's a couple of things we can do.

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We can give you a mouthpiece to wear at night.

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I'm like, that's not going to work.

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Cause I just, I wouldn't be able to do that.

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They're like, well, we can do that.

220
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We can do a surgery.

221
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We can fix your deviated septum.

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It's very minor.

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You know, I'm like, let's do it.

224
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All right.

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Give me a sweet rhinoplasty.

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No show.

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So it was, it was a rhinoplasty.

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And so they, they did it.

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They, I don't know for people that have ever had this before, but when they

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did, well, at least for me, what they did, they, they filled the, the sinus cavities

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on either side of your nose with these little balloons for lack of a better word.

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Right.

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And I had, they had to stay in for, I think a week.

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So for a week, I was completely congested more than I am now, but no taste kind of

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like with COVID you couldn't taste shit.

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Right.

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So I'm eating, but it's not really like eating for sustenance.

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Like I, I really, I'm eating to make sure I don't pass away from like hunger.

239
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Exactly.

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So in Texas, there's this burger chain called Water Burger is like Burger King

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everywhere else.

242
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Yeah.

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I've heard of it.

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I've just never been to one.

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It was my favorite burger place down there.

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And I went in a week later to get these balloons ripped out of my nose, which was an experience

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of itself.

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And I think I might've at least thought what the fuck as they were pulling them out of

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my nasal cavities.

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But here's where I was going with this.

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When they pulled it out, my, my smelling was like, I swear to God, I could smell like

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a dog.

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I was still inside the hospital and I could smell the pizza hut down the road.

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I could smell the water burger.

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I could smell any restaurant that was within like a three mile radius.

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I could smell it.

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You're like, did y'all give me spidey senses?

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Like what the heck?

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And I was hungry and I finished up and I walked out.

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I'm like, okay, this is perfect time.

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It's lunchtime.

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I'm going to go to water burger.

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And I ordered a double with cheese.

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Like, it's like a double whopper with cheese.

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And I was like salivating at this point, like this, oh man, this is going to be so fucking

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good.

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And then I bit into it and I spit it immediately out.

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It's like my sense of smell was hyper.

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Like to the point that it was like over analyzing whatever it was smelling and tasting.

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And it was like, and then the taste of the burger, I was like, what the fuck is this?

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Like this was, it wasn't matching up.

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Like the taste wasn't matching up with the smell and my brain was all kind of all weird.

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So I just like, I didn't, I wasn't a Karen.

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I wasn't, you know, saying there's something wrong with the burger.

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I knew it was me.

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I mean, so I would, I had enough self.

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It was like your senses were overloaded and it was like just too much.

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And it was like, no, no, no, this is too much, too much.

279
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Yeah.

280
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:33,840
Yeah.

281
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,840
So I wasted, well, this was back in the nineties.

282
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:40,840
So I probably wasted like five bucks on a, you know, value mail, whatever.

283
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,840
But so, so one last thing, and we're going to wrap this up.

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00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,840
I just happened to have Safari pulled up and there's this news piece that's going on that

285
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,840
one of my friends brought to my attention about the New Jersey drones.

286
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,840
Have you heard about this?

287
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,840
No.

288
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:59,840
So supposedly, I guess since before Thanksgiving or something, there's been a shitload of drones

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00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:05,840
flying around various parts of New Jersey, close to a property that Trump owns, his golf course

290
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,840
or one of his golf courses or something.

291
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:12,840
But people taking videos of these drones, some of them are supposedly car sized drones

292
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,840
and the FBI is investigating that this shit's getting wild.

293
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,840
It's like Twilight Zone shit, right?

294
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,840
So I'm sitting here.

295
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:21,840
Okay.

296
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:29,840
So I have CBS News, NBC News, Newsweek, New York Post, the different news agencies reporting

297
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:30,840
about this, right?

298
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:31,840
Right.

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00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,840
And I clicked on, I'm not going to say which one I clicked on.

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You'll just have to figure that out for yourself.

301
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:41,840
But I clicked on one and it had supposedly a video of one of these things crashing, not

302
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,840
of the crash itself, but of like burning debris on a road.

303
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:45,840
Right.

304
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:46,840
You know, so that was.

305
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:47,840
Was it a Tesla?

306
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:48,840
Is that why it was cleaned up so fast?

307
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:49,840
I don't know.

308
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,840
I mean, if Tesla's crashed, they're cleaned up within like two minutes.

309
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:52,840
Of course they are.

310
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,840
Yeah.

311
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,840
Yeah, of course they are.

312
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:55,840
God forbid.

313
00:17:55,840 --> 00:18:01,840
The same article goes on to say, well, these drone recordings have been constant since

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00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,840
before Thanksgiving and you know, blah, blah, blah.

315
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,840
And then they said, except for Thanksgiving Day.

316
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,840
Thanksgiving Day, these motherfuckers took a break.

317
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,840
Right.

318
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:15,840
They're like, we've got to eat our turkey and then we're back on it the next day.

319
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,840
I was going to say, I'm actually looking it up now.

320
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,840
I see it says more drone sightings in New Jersey.

321
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,840
What in the heck?

322
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:23,840
Yeah.

323
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:24,840
Huh.

324
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:25,840
Yeah.

325
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,840
See if you can find the one that talks about, except, you know, Thanksgiving Day, they took

326
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:29,840
a break.

327
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:30,840
Yeah.

328
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:31,840
In Morris County.

329
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,840
I wonder if these drone pilots are going to take Christmas Day off as well.

330
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:35,840
I don't know.

331
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,840
Maybe.

332
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:37,840
Makes you wonder.

333
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:38,840
Maybe they'll take off like New Year's Day.

334
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,840
Like we got too sloshed last night.

335
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:41,840
We can't fly the drone.

336
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,840
It's illegal to fly the drone.

337
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:45,840
Right.

338
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,840
Cause you have to have a pilot's license.

339
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,840
My father had to get a pilot's license for it.

340
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,840
And like, you can't get that pilot's license taken away.

341
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,840
Samantha, thank you very much for coming onto the show today.

342
00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:00,840
Hope you had a good time and looking forward to hearing the episode when it airs.

343
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,840
I had a lot of fun.

344
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,840
It's been a pleasure speaking with you.

345
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:16,840
Awesome.