The Occasional Penis

0:04 What the fuck is my nose? That's not even my nose running. That's fucking sweat. That's how fucking hot it is in here. Dude, your hair looks slicked back like meatloaf. Kind of in love with both of them and has to basically pick. Rude. I gotta pee. Feel free. Go for it. Go on, take that thing out, son. I hope he leaves that in there too. We lost him. What the fuck? Oh no. Name one fucking pill that you've taken. Name one that cures your problem. Xanax. Xanax. I'll take a tickling fetish over like a Bukkake fetish. It's a fucking nasty shit right there. I don't care about putting my feet on the internet. I'm not going to put my hooch on there, but I'll put my feet. Oh, see, that's the thing. i'm jake jacobs this is sammy this is the dawn and you're listening to what the fuck welcome to what the fuck what the fuck the podcast where we say all the things you're thinking but probably should but you probably freaking should fucking fuck How's that air conditioner doing, Jay? Let's just say my home warranty people got an earful from me last Friday when I called to say, hey, my central AC is no longer working again, your contractor. They were out here May 22nd to fix it. And basically all they did was a Band -Aid

1:36 because on Friday they started doing the same exact thing. That's what they always do. Home warranties, all they ever do is slap Band -Aids on shit. They never fully fix anything. So I called them Friday and I said, hey, I need somebody to come back out. And of course I get the frontline people, a tier one. obviously. Well, it's been more than 30 days, so we're going to charge you another $95 service charge. And then they started reading from a script and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just started talking over them. Get me a supervisor. I am no longer talking to you. There's nothing that you can say to me right now that is going to make this any better. Correct. I was on hold for 20 minutes. The longer I was on hold, the more pissed off I was getting because I was hot and I was sweaty. So I hung up and I called Fletcher directly.

2:16 And their first response was, well, you need to go through your home warranty, people. Well, while I was on the phone with Fletcher, American First Home Warranty is calling me back. And it's actually a supervisor by the name of Sarah. And this gal. It was very understanding. And she was like, Mr. Jacobs, you've been with us for 11 years. And we see how many times we've been out there to fix your AC. So we're going to waive the service charge. We're going to get Fletcher out there as soon as we can. But the only problem with that was this was Friday. The soonest Fletcher could come out here, it was earlier this week. We're still finishing up today. So I still have no fucking AC. I took a cold shower about a half hour ago to cool down. Didn't even put my hair up. I may not even be wearing pants. I contemplated.

2:57 Even putting a shirt on. But, you know, with Don being our HR, I wasn't sure how well that would go over with Sammy. So you're lucky I'm wearing clothes at this point, okay? It's that fucking hot. Cold shower, at least you don't have a boner. Well, yeah, there is shrinkage. Yeah, yeah. Man. You knew we were going to fuck this up eventually. My parents literally got to the point where it's the same thing with you, just Band -Aid, Band -Aid, Band -Aid, never really fully fixing and shit. So finally, my brother actually does HVAC for a job now. So right before they sold the house, had him gut and redo the entire HVAC system. I think I've probably lost 10 pounds since last Friday just from fucking sweating. Probably. Nothing wrong with that.

3:38 So if I say I'm salty, I mean that. Truly. Literally salty, even though I just took a fucking shower. You're like, deer would come from miles around to lick the salt from your body. Damn. Take the salt lick. That was kind of hot. After I had my child, I was trying to see what was going on down there because like obviously I'm not a contortionist. I cannot see. And like after having her, I was like just making sure everything was like because it something felt weird down there for a minute. And I was like. just concern a kiss that like something was going on. I was like, I can't see. So I took some pictures so that I could be like, oh, okay, no, we're good or whatever, but forgot that they were in my phone. And then they uploaded to my Amazon prime. And so when they were watching TV on the fire team, it went to a screensaver and it shuffled all my pictures. At some point they got full frontal, like. view of that so I'm sitting there and like so this weekend when I was up there visiting them I was staying in the room with my sister -in -law and I said hey do you mind if I get changed and she's like Samantha we're girls we have this she's like it's fine and she's like why would it matter and I was like I don't know I was like because you've seen my whole ass vagina and everything and I was like I was at least trying to get consent this time around before I just unsolicited hit you with it wow and she was like oh fuck i forgot about that oh so she forgot about it yeah this was years ago all right oh my god but yeah she was like she was like why would it matter and i'm like

5:10 because you've seen my whole vagina here's the thing oh shit For us dudes, there comes a certain age, and this is no shit, Samantha, and you might not know this, but we could be pretty modest around each other because we're not comparing dick size because most men do not have porn star cocks. No. Now, here's where the line gets a little blurred. When these motherfuckers go to the gym, these dudes that are about 65 or 70 years old that have 13 -inch fucking hog. And, you know, nuts that hang down halfway to their knees. They want everybody. They're fucking disgusting human beings. So old men, dudes, here's the thing. Cover that shit up. But they'll be sitting in the sauna with, I mean, it's disturbing. Old or young. Nobody wants to see ball sack. It ain't pretty. Nobody needs that. It ain't pretty. Nobody needs that. It ain't never been pretty. Sorry to say, boys, it ain't pretty. I was getting ready to say I got. sucked into the tv show the white lotus but where i'm going with this sucked in probably isn't the best choice of words so season one it's a great show by the way but i know i need to watch it it's on my list season one i forget who the actor is he's he's a well -established actor you you get a full frontal of him man is it the british guy that's like tan no he's american guy oh okay probably had a penis double but uh it's like when you see something like that in a show That is highly acclaimed, and it's like, oh, you've got to watch this show. Some of them don't use doubles, though.

6:38 That's just them. You get a dick in your face, and you're like, okay, this may be a great show, but what was the purpose of showing us that? I could have lived my whole life not having seen that, and I would have been fine. That just tells me that part wasn't for you, Jake. That part wasn't for you. It wasn't good looking anyway. That scene wasn't for you. It was gratuitous nudity. And here's the thing. For you girls, for you gals out there, I support the occasional penis because it ain't for me. But we get the ass and thigh gap and fucking tits and nipples and shit all the fucking time. I can appreciate a nice pair. Of course. Unsolicited boob shot?

7:29 I'm here for it. I'm fine with it. There you go. So one of our favorite actors there, Sam, Walton Goggins, he's in two shows right now that requires a penis double. And he's already admitted. He's like, guys, that's not my junk. The Righteous Gemstones on HBO Max. Not surprised. He plays Uncle Billy. Baby Billy. Yeah, Baby Billy. And then The White Lotus. And he's like, nah, nah, penis double. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Oh, Lord. Now we start this show off talking about dicks. It's all good. We started a TikTok. We sure did. I've been letting y 'all post, because I'm going to let y 'all get your initial figuring shit out out of the way. Back in May, I had a personal TikTok, and the first short that I made, I put on there, and then it let it sit. And we had been talking about having Samantha go ahead and run with it or create our TikTok. I don't know.

8:21 I was probably pissed off because I was hot because I had no AC and I was just I was ready to get on TikTok. So I said, fuck it. I'm going to turn my personal TikTok into our what the fuck TikTok because there was already one video up there. Why not? Right. So then Don's been doing it for a couple of months and Don's got some insight. So Don and I have been fucking with it for a couple of days. And I got to tell you, those TikTok people are. Interesting. There is a whole Gen X crowd in there. Yeah. That's right. There's quite a bit of stupid shit on there, which seem to get more likes than anything else. Short and stupid, baby. People love stupid. That's where the money's at. Yeah. There's a lot of people saying this is the latest trend and do this and you'll get 10 ,000 followers in three minutes. And none of that shit works. And it's also usually bots and fake accounts. Yeah. It seems like there's other people that are on TikTok only to... say something or post something that starts drama, and then they start reading the comments, and then they start getting into people with the comments, and I'm like, hmm, okay. Yeah, it's called rage baiting. Rage baiting, okay. Yeah, so if you come to our TikTok, which is WTFpodcast24, by all means, do that. Yeah. You could post your ass off, and we do not care. Yeah. Much like offending people. Well, we will care if you start getting belligerent and overtly. Oh, no, we'll just block your ass then, but here's the thing.

9:33 Yeah, you'll get, I mean, don't. Don't be a dick. Fafa. Don't be a dick. You can have your opinions and that's fine, but don't come on there just to be racist or bigoted or whatever. We're not here for that. If you want to do that, listen, we bite back sometimes. Post your own shit on your own page, not on ours. But here's the thing. I mean, that's not what it's about at the end of the day. We're having a lot of fun with it. Everybody's entitled to their opinion. If it's overtly racist, bigoted, whatever, it's not going on our page. Post it on your own. We really started it to kind of promote the podcast. If you dig our TikTok videos, and we're just doing silly shit on there for now, we posted some of the shorts that I did up until now, which, by the way. Maybe I should do Xanax more often. That episode is our highest listened to episode to date. Because you were high as fuck. You were funny, dude. You were chill, my guy. I walked into a fucking restaurant. First, here's where it stemmed from. And the subject line here, folks, is how cell phones basically are killing us.

10:34 You know, the American family, literally and figuratively. And a couple of things happened. First off, it was raining like hell. It rains every day. Sunday drive home from up north from Daytona back to St. Augustine, you got a lot of people going home, leaving Florida so they can be back at work on Monday. So traffic's a bear. Every Sunday it's a bitch. Yeah. Just to add rain. There were several crashes. Every single one of these crashes had something in common. They were all cell phone crashes. Of course. They were all similar demographic people who were the crashers. Not necessarily the crashees. No, they were the crashers with their fucking hood folded up against their fucking windshield. And they were all 20 -something females. And guess what they were doing? Talking on their goddamn cell phones. And I ride a motorcycle, so I'm a little hypersensitive. The point is this. You are not, I'll repeat, you are not so important that you need to pick your phone up and text every time somebody calls. You are important enough, however, because somebody loves you somewhere.

11:36 Yeah. And you have one job when you're driving. right? The only reason we drive is because we trust each other. We have to, I see these fucking truck drivers. 99 % of them have their Madonna headphones on. Congratulations. Great fashion statement, but it's better than driving down the road, texting and driving an 80 ,000 pound missile. So, so I saw these crashes and then Melissa and I went out, walked into this restaurant steakhouse. We go to a lot and there's a fucking 10 top whole family. It looks like aunts and uncles, maybe mom, dad, kids. Every single one of them sitting there with their face plugged into a fucking cell phone. All of them just screened in. And here's the thing, too. Do you know what they all had in common? What? You know what all these people had in common? And it wasn't just that one table. They all looked sad. They all looked just unhappy. Like their lives weren't fulfilled. Yeah. And then the part three of this, which really, really brought it home. You know, I'm part of the biker culture here in Florida.

12:40 And I was invited to one of our emcees of One Percenter Club. You've heard of them. I won't mention their names. And I was invited to their clubhouse. And myself and a couple of my guys from my board of directors went out there. We were invited. We went in. And it's exactly what you would expect. from a motorcycle clubhouse it was it was actually very well organized very nice etc etc for those of you that don't know one percenter means outlaw yeah so we go in there and the very first rule was don't let this be the place where you test your tolerance for alcohol which i thought was pretty fucking cool yes they had a sign up there at their bar so don't come in here and be a dick the second and as important don't pull your fucking cell phone out in this building And I had nothing to do with security, cops, or anything else. I said, you can go out the back door, you go outside in the backyard, and you can use your cell phone. While you're in here, you're socializing, you're talking, you're having conversations with your brothers.

13:37 A lot of people think we as bikers are a bunch of fucking scumbags. You know, facial hair, black leather, loud Harleys, et cetera, et cetera. We're just tattoos. And the fact is that our social structure is very, very sound. I thought to myself, man, if restaurants would adopt that. And a lot of times people don't realize this too. You know, when you walk into a restaurant, your service sucks. That's because some other table is asking the server to take a picture of them. And they're wondering, you know, why your food's cold? Because people are obsessed with fucking cell phones. How many of you have children out there? Think about this. When the internet goes down. These fucking kids go buck while they lose their mind. Yeah. Like they just lost a body part. iPad kids is what they're called.

14:22 They're iPad kids. And so I want to hear this week at WTFpodcast24, that's W -T -F -P -O -D -C -A -S -T -2 -4, at gmail .com. Email me, healthcare professionals. Give me your thoughts on the reality that screen time, internet, cell phones, iPad, all these different things, any studies. that it's a bona fide addiction, no different than drugs or alcohol. Because I see it all the time. I see people just driving down the road. They're endangering people. Crashes are happening. Deaths are happening on the highway. Families look unhappy. You attribute it to screen time. I thought that was important. I know it's really not funny. But, man, put your fucking cell phone down, pal.

15:05 There's a generation, was it Gen Z? Yeah, Gen Z. Gen Z thinks that the thumbs up symbol is low -key passive -aggressive. The thumbs up emoji is passive -aggressive. And guess what? I'm still going to do it. I'm going to do it lots, even more. If Don sends me a text and says, Jake, you are a handsome motherfucker, mostly a motherfucker, I'm going to give him a thumbs up.