March 25, 2025
They Call Her Domino
Dave stops by to share some Sailor Shenanigans from our South Texas days, some work related WTF's, and childbirth WTF's.
WEBVTT
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Well, plus you're a podcast superstar now, so
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yeah, yeah, I get like 20 people listening. How
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about that? I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening
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to what the fuck All right, welcome back to what
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the fuck the podcast where we try to make sense
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of life Or at least have a damn good time trying
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today. I've got a special guest my old navy buddy
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dave It's been way too long since we last caught
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up, but back in the day, we served together,
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got into our fair share of trouble, and racked
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up enough stories to last a lifetime. I have
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no idea where this conversation is going to go,
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but knowing Dave, it's going to be a wild ride.
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Welcome to What the Fuck. Are you in Chicago?
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Good morning, Jake. Yeah, I'm in Chicago. Just
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in the western suburbs. Been here for 24 years
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now. Holy crap. Nice. I'm a big fan of Chicago
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PD, by the way. Yeah, I've seen them filming
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on occasion as I'm driving through the city.
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So how's the weather in the Windy City today?
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It's not horrible. I think it's around 50. Yesterday
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was 62, which everybody's in flip -flops and
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tank tops. I was going to say, that's a heat
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wave for y 'all. When was the last time that
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you either thought or said out loud, what the
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fuck, and what was the situation? I say that
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literally on a daily basis more than once a day,
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just because the industry that I'm in, I do a
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lot of fire and water restoration work. So I
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see houses on fire. I see hoarding situations.
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I see things that you would never expect to see
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when you walk into a house. And so literally
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every single day, it's a what the fuck? And it's
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funny because the inflection of how you say what
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the fuck really carries so much weight. Absolutely.
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Which is why I'm so excited for this podcast
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for you because. When I first heard about this,
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I thought, you know, this is actually kind of
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cool. And the more I think about it, it's like,
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wow, you know, those three words carry so much
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meaning. And it can be like more of a than an
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oh shit moment. Yeah, it's like it actually almost
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tells a story and how you say it. So absolutely.
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I love it. So I want to ask you when you started
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this podcast, obviously, what the fuck is especially
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with sailors? Yeah. But it's not. I mean, like,
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I mean, I'm in an industry now where it's I hear
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it outside of my office every day. What the fuck?
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And it makes me giggle a lot of times. But again,
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it's all about the inflection of how you say
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it, because it's like, oh, fuck or what the fuck?
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I guess I'm kind of curious. When you first started
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this, was there a specific what the fuck moment
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for you where you were like, oh, I got to talk
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about this? I've already said it like 10 times
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today for various reasons. And each one was different.
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One was a question. One was like a holy shit,
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what the fuck. I was all over the place. With
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podcasts, you have to be really careful sometimes
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because podcast audiences really want something
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niche -y. You have to have a subject that's exclusive.
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You can't just be broad. Well, this is kind of
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niche -y, but it's also broad because you can
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talk about anything. It's amazing, yeah. So it's
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not really niche -y. But it is. It's a wild concept.
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I couldn't find anybody else doing something
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quite like this. There's a couple of the podcasts
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that have that in the title, but they're talking
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about different things, right? So this just leaves
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it wide open. If you had to pick one, the funniest
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what the fuck moment. So honestly, one of the
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funniest ones involves you. Here we go. You might
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remember we were in South Korea. Yeah. We were
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at a bar. I know that's crazy. And walking back
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from the bar to the ship. For whatever reason,
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we were either trying to cut through a construction
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area or something. Oh, my God. I know where you're
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going with this. And you all of a sudden stopped
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dead in your tracks. And you even said, what
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the fuck? Yes. Oh, my God. I forgot about that.
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Because you stepped on a piece of wood that had
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a nail sticking through it, and that nail went
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all the way through your foot. Straight through.
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And I remember seeing it, and I was like, what
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the fuck? So the two of us had the same experience
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of what the fuck, but on two totally different
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levels. Yeah. And that's still one of my memories,
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because I remember laughing, which that's...
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It's always funny when someone else gets hurt,
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right? It's always funny. And your shoe filled
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up with blood, and oh, man. The way it was situated
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in South Korea, we had to go back to, there was
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like a small base where there was a club there.
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And then from there, we had to catch a bus back
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to the ship. Is that correct? Am I remembering?
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Okay. Well, I remember when we got back to the
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club, I'm like hobbling along, and my shoe or
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sneaker, whatever I had on, was like red with
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blood. And Doc Jacobs was there. Yep. And I'm
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like, hey, Doc, check this out. He's like, what
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the fuck? I think he just said, what the fuck?
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Yeah. He's like, dude. I'm like, I think I stepped
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on a nail, and I was drunk as shit. Yeah. Oh,
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my God. I mean, I definitely felt it, but it
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was one of those where, had I not been drinking,
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it would have been a whole lot worse for me.
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Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I was already numb.
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Oh, my God. I haven't thought about that in a
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long time. Holy shit. You're welcome. Okay. So
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here's my what the fuck, and this one is a recent
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one. I don't know if you've been hearing me talk
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on a couple of episodes. Carpal tunnel surgery.
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Mm -hmm. I think they fucked something up because
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I've been having pain that I didn't have before
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I had the carpal tunnel surgery. And I've been
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trying to tell the VA that. And the VA is like,
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we're going to send you to occupational therapy.
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There's nothing wrong. Well, I've been going
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to therapy. I've been doing everything that they've
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been asking me to do. And finally, I went and
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saw my surgeon's PA, I guess it's a physician
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assistant, yesterday. And I said, look, man,
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this is my dominant hand. If this was my left
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hand, I wouldn't even be here right now. I mean,
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I'm having a hard time brushing my teeth. Writing
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is a chore. Like, if I try to write now. It's
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like a five -year -old trying to write their
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name. It's like very awkward. I had no coordination
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in my hand. And he said, okay, let's schedule
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an EMG. That's where they put pins in you and
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then they shoot like electrical pulses to see
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what's going on. I'm like, yeah, okay, sounds
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good. So EMG is going to be reaching out to you
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to schedule that. I'm like, okay. And he was
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right. Literally on the way home from the VA,
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from Nashville to my house here, they called
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me and they're like, yeah, calling to schedule
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an EMG that your doctor ordered. What's your
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schedule look like? I'm like, I'm wide open.
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They're like, oh, well, this is March 10th, right?
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They said, we can get you in May 14th. And I
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literally said, what the fuck are you talking
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about? Seriously? Like, did you? I said, this
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is time sensitive. You can't put me two months
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out. And she's like, well, this is what we have,
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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then finally
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she says, well, okay, it's more than 30 days
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out, so we can put you in for community care,
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which is where they will reach out to a nearby
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hospital, and then they will do it, and then
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the VA will pick up the tab. I'm like, yeah,
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let's do that. Why couldn't you just lead with
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that? Fucking VA. Yeah, I've had some interesting
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experiences where same thing where they say,
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yeah, someone will reach out to schedule and
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it's like six months before they can get you
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in. And I didn't know that was a thing. So thanks
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for that tip. Technically, if it's going to be
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more than 30 days out and they can verify that
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with their schedule, just say, hey, can I use
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community care? So funny story about Bahrain,
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actually. I did 10 years active and then 11 more
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in the reserves, right? So during my 11 years
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in reserves, I went to Australia, Argentina,
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South Africa. I went back to Japan. Pearl Harbor.
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I was like, I was traveling more in the reserves
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than I did on active duty. That's crazy. I had
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to go to Bahrain two different times for these
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war games. They're all scenario based and they're
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usually fairly similar to the one they did last
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year with, you know, Hey, this is what we learned
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last year. Let's tweak a couple of things. And
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it's a whole bunch of sitting around and, Oh
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no, this happened. How do you respond? Kind of
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thing. But there was a, what the fuck moment.
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The last time I went to Bahrain, which was right
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before I retired and was really a catalyst for
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making me help. kind of make that decision which
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was we were in a like a theater and there was
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an admiral on the stage giving a speech about
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hey thank you for participating in the games
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we learned a lot today blah blah blah blah one
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thing we didn't tell you was the catastrophic
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plan of what if a missile is launched at Bahrain,
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what is going to happen? And we were all like,
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oh, that's actually something we didn't talk
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about. And he basically said, everybody on the
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stage, which was him and a bunch of other senior
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leaders, we would immediately be shuffled to
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a helo and we'd leave the base so that you guys
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know that the leadership would at least be able
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to continue for CENTCOM. And we were like, okay.
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He's like, so you guys, rest assured, leadership
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will be okay. And we were like, okay. And then
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he stopped. And we're like, so we're all, and
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you can see everybody in the room is kind of
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like, look around, like how fucking all of us,
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right? Like, what do we do? And nothing, there
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was, he just kind of said, so just, so you got,
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and like, he kept going over. And so my dumb
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ass, of course, I'm raising my hand. I'm like,
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hey, I, and he says, yes, chief, do you have
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a question? I said, well, just what do we do?
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Dead silence, just nothing. And you could hear
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people just, what the fuck? Yeah. Because that
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was like the moment where you realized we're
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all expendable. We're all just numbers. And it
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really just drove it home for me to like go home
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and finish your time and just get out. That was
00:09:02.929 --> 00:09:05.250
a really like a heart -wrenching what the fuck
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moment for me. Yeah, that was one of those where
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you're like, wow, incredible. Yeah, it's crazy.
00:09:10.250 --> 00:09:12.509
But again, all these what the fuck moments that
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carry, it's like it carries emotion in it, which
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is interesting. I think I said what the fuck
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at least two or three times in Nashville traffic
00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:22.950
yesterday headed to the VA. But it makes you
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feel good after you say it. Yeah, it's like,
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what the fuck is your problem? It's a stress
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reliever. Folks, there are so many stories that
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Dave and I could tell about South Texas. With
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the name of our command being Rotational Crew
00:09:33.809 --> 00:09:36.950
Delta, at one point, I somehow ended up at a
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trailer in, was that a Ramses Pass? It was a
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Ramses Pass. And then that trailer became Delta
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House, as in from Animal House. The stories we
00:09:44.809 --> 00:09:48.080
could tell. From that alone would fill up a podcast.
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Some of the best times of my life, man. Yeah.
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I think it was the day that I moved in. I believe
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there was a roach infestation problem in the
00:09:59.269 --> 00:10:01.809
trailer. I think the trailer was in his name.
00:10:01.970 --> 00:10:04.370
Was that Drew? It was Drew. I was walking around
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and I was seeing fucking cockroaches everywhere.
00:10:06.330 --> 00:10:07.929
I'm like, oh, there's another one. And I remember
00:10:07.929 --> 00:10:10.190
he picked up a piece of board or a 2x4 or something
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and just slammed that motherfucker into oblivion.
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He's like, not no more. I'm like, what the fuck?
00:10:16.830 --> 00:10:18.929
That's a pretty tame one that I could tell. So
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if that sets the tone, then you know where we're
00:10:21.490 --> 00:10:23.580
headed with this. I do have another. trailer
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moment where I woke up one morning after being
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out and I'm sure that we were at legs and my
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car was parked kind of just in the street. I
00:10:33.340 --> 00:10:34.779
mean, it was like, you know, you're pulling the
00:10:34.779 --> 00:10:37.159
trailer park and there's a little kind of pseudo
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street within the park. And my, my car was just
00:10:39.779 --> 00:10:42.179
parked randomly in the street. And it's because
00:10:42.179 --> 00:10:45.340
we had got so shit faced the night before that
00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:47.200
I, and I shouldn't have even drove home and I
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did. And I apparently got back to the trailer
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and just parked wherever the fuck. And I woke
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.720
up the next morning and I was like, what the
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fuck? Like, I couldn't, I don't remember getting
00:10:57.639 --> 00:11:01.460
home. Yeah. Good times. Lucky that I never. Oh,
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all of us were lucky. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Way too
00:11:03.620 --> 00:11:06.379
many times that I shouldn't have driven home
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or driving home saying, what the fuck am I doing?
00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:13.100
I'm going to share one more story from there.
00:11:13.259 --> 00:11:15.360
But this isn't a what the fuck from my perspective.
00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:16.960
This is going to be a what the fuck from somebody
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:19.299
else's perspective. It was my birthday day. There
00:11:19.299 --> 00:11:22.480
was a certain member of our. pack that was dating
00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.480
someone from legs. And she went by the stage
00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.200
named Domino. Interesting. Yeah. Cool kiss song.
00:11:28.299 --> 00:11:29.960
And it was a cool song for her to dance to. And
00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:32.480
she kind of fit the role. I was at the trailer
00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:34.159
and it was like eight o 'clock at night. I knew
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.600
she was coming over. Little did I know that the
00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:38.759
sailor that she was dating. put her up to something,
00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:41.220
and told her that it was my birthday. Sounds
00:11:41.220 --> 00:11:44.039
like a good dude. Yeah, I think this sailor was
00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:45.740
on duty that night, so he wasn't there to witness
00:11:45.740 --> 00:11:48.419
this. But another one of our shipmates, Wiggy,
00:11:48.500 --> 00:11:50.639
he'd never been to Delta House, so he was coming
00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:53.480
over for the first time to witness what goes
00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.960
on. So I'm sitting there at the trailer, and
00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:58.419
Domino comes walking in, and she said, Happy
00:11:58.419 --> 00:12:01.539
birthday, Jake. And I said, Thanks. And she proceeded
00:12:01.539 --> 00:12:04.460
to cue up Domino and she sat my ass in a chair
00:12:04.460 --> 00:12:06.740
and she gave me a lap dance that I'll never forget.
00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:09.759
And during the course of that, Wiggy walks in
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:13.820
the door and the look on his face, he didn't
00:12:13.820 --> 00:12:17.039
even need to say it. It was on his face. I knew
00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:19.600
her. So, you know, it wasn't really a big deal.
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:21.480
But from somebody else's perspective, that was
00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:24.379
a pretty cool what the fuck. I've never heard
00:12:24.379 --> 00:12:26.759
that story from that perspective. You've never
00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:28.759
heard it, no. I mean, can you imagine being Wiggy
00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:31.360
in that moment, though? Getting invited to someone's
00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:34.379
house for the first time. He was so excited.
00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:36.080
That whole day, he was so excited. He's like,
00:12:36.139 --> 00:12:37.879
yeah, this is cool. I finally get to see Delta
00:12:37.879 --> 00:12:39.519
House. And he walks in. That's the first thing
00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:43.779
he sees. So there's another guy, we'll just call
00:12:43.779 --> 00:12:47.240
him Grimmy. Oh, my God. I know where this is
00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:49.600
going. One of the first times he came to, this
00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:52.039
was Delta House 2 now, but one of the first times
00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:55.299
he came, we were, of course, inebriated. And
00:12:55.299 --> 00:12:58.059
we said, hey, we need you to be initiated into
00:12:58.059 --> 00:13:00.899
Delta House. And we forced him. to strip down
00:13:00.899 --> 00:13:03.779
butt naked and run down the street back and forth.
00:13:04.059 --> 00:13:06.019
And we were friends with some of the cops in
00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:08.200
town. So, of course, we queued up one of the
00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:10.899
police officers to randomly come by at the same
00:13:10.899 --> 00:13:13.700
time when he was running. And it was, I've never
00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:18.360
laughed so hard in my life. He not only did it,
00:13:18.379 --> 00:13:21.620
but there was a bar behind this trailer park.
00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:23.659
So he not only did it, we told him he had to
00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:25.879
run around the block. He not only did that, he
00:13:25.879 --> 00:13:27.860
ran into the bar, through the bar, and out the
00:13:27.860 --> 00:13:29.740
other side, the other door through the bar and
00:13:29.740 --> 00:13:32.600
back. Oh, my gosh. Then when he got back, we're
00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:35.779
like, yeah, none of us ever did that. Yeah, so
00:13:35.779 --> 00:13:38.860
again, a secondhand perspective, what the fuck,
00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:41.299
from him was probably like, what the fuck? Yeah.
00:13:42.019 --> 00:13:47.909
Oh, my gosh. So many good memories. Yeah. So
00:13:47.909 --> 00:13:50.110
I'll tell you a recent what the fuck story. We
00:13:50.110 --> 00:13:52.009
got called to a house. They had a small kitchen
00:13:52.009 --> 00:13:54.269
fire. I showed up at the house. There's two guys
00:13:54.269 --> 00:13:56.250
living in the house. We walked in and they said,
00:13:56.269 --> 00:13:57.730
do you guys have to go down in the basement?
00:13:57.950 --> 00:13:59.289
And I was like, we have to inspect the whole
00:13:59.289 --> 00:14:01.669
house because there was a fire. There's water
00:14:01.669 --> 00:14:03.470
that's used to put out the fire. That water travels
00:14:03.470 --> 00:14:05.190
down. We have to inspect the whole house. Were
00:14:05.190 --> 00:14:06.809
they asking if you had to go down to the basement?
00:14:07.029 --> 00:14:09.950
Okay. Like nervously. And I said, yeah, we have
00:14:09.950 --> 00:14:12.370
to go down there. And they were like, well, okay,
00:14:12.549 --> 00:14:14.450
can you just give us a few minutes? And I was
00:14:14.450 --> 00:14:16.950
like, okay, is there somebody locked up? What
00:14:16.950 --> 00:14:19.909
is going on? So one guy runs down there, comes
00:14:19.909 --> 00:14:21.389
back up, and he's like, all right, well, whatever,
00:14:21.570 --> 00:14:24.250
let's just do it. And I go down there, and there
00:14:24.250 --> 00:14:26.470
was, I don't know, six or seven of those, like,
00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:31.139
eight -foot fold -up tables full of dildos. Never
00:14:31.139 --> 00:14:32.860
seen that before. So I walked out and stopped
00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:35.340
kind of dead in my tracks and realized I stopped.
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:37.440
So I forced myself to keep walking because they
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:39.279
were behind me. And in my head, I'm like, what
00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:41.820
the fuck? Because number one, who needs that
00:14:41.820 --> 00:14:47.399
many? Well, it turns out, it turns out they actually,
00:14:47.460 --> 00:14:49.919
they manufactured these. They had molds and they
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:51.259
manufactured them and sell them and they were
00:14:51.259 --> 00:14:53.500
embarrassed. OK. And I was like, guys, don't
00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:55.559
worry about it. This is actually if you're making
00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:58.039
money. Cool. Then I had to think about what do
00:14:58.039 --> 00:15:00.480
you have to come down here to hide that this
00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:02.899
was the stuff they left behind. Right. Right.
00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:05.700
I thought about that for a while. Oh, my God.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.620
What the fuck was this guy hiding if that was
00:15:07.620 --> 00:15:09.799
what they left behind? It's interesting to see
00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:11.980
some of the ways people live and the things that
00:15:11.980 --> 00:15:14.299
they do. And I'm going to share one more story
00:15:14.299 --> 00:15:18.220
I have, which sums up. For me, the ubiquitousness
00:15:18.220 --> 00:15:20.419
of the what the fuck statement. That was a big
00:15:20.419 --> 00:15:21.960
fucking word, Dave. I looked that one up ahead
00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.659
of time. So when my wife and I first decided
00:15:24.659 --> 00:15:27.159
that we wanted to have kids, you know, my wife's
00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:29.340
on a pill for however many years ahead of time.
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:31.639
And everyone said, oh, dude, it'll take a year.
00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:34.379
It's like two years because, you know, your body's
00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:36.019
got to adjust, whatever. So I was like, all right,
00:15:36.019 --> 00:15:38.960
whatever. So she stops taking the pill. And I
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:41.700
was like, well, now we just get to go at it all
00:15:41.700 --> 00:15:44.039
the time. This is wonderful. Of course, what
00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:46.379
happens like three weeks into it, she's like,
00:15:46.419 --> 00:15:48.940
hey, I'm pregnant. I'm like, what the fuck? I
00:15:48.940 --> 00:15:55.200
was happy, but I was also sad. There goes that
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.740
plan. Yeah. So nine months go by. We're in the
00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:01.519
hospital and she had a scheduled induction because
00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:04.460
she was already like four days late. So we get
00:16:04.460 --> 00:16:06.039
to the hospital like six o 'clock in the morning.
00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.559
They induce her. It takes. hours for this stuff
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:10.159
to start kicking in so she starts going into
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:13.059
labor and it was all day that she was in labor
00:16:13.059 --> 00:16:15.360
and it was i mean and her and i were both like
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.259
what the fuck like right she finally gets to
00:16:18.259 --> 00:16:19.460
the point where she's like the doctor's like
00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:21.519
okay you can start pushing so her mom had been
00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:23.799
there with us all day also i hadn't really been
00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:27.019
paying attention to her much but she Wasn't eating
00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:29.899
anything. So in the middle of my wife starting
00:16:29.899 --> 00:16:33.019
to push, my mother -in -law all of a sudden has
00:16:33.019 --> 00:16:35.940
this, and she passes out onto the floor. And
00:16:35.940 --> 00:16:39.299
I'm like, what the fuck? So all the doctors go
00:16:39.299 --> 00:16:41.299
rushing over to her. Meanwhile, my wife is sitting
00:16:41.299 --> 00:16:42.899
there with her legs up in the air like, what
00:16:42.899 --> 00:16:47.159
the fuck? So I get my mother -in -law out. Well,
00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.120
now my father -in -law wants to come in to find
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:50.980
out why my mother -in -law passed out. And my
00:16:50.980 --> 00:16:52.960
wife is like, get the fuck out. Like, so she's
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.980
freaking out. Oh, my God. So finally it's determined
00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:57.399
that the baby's not going to come. They have
00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.860
to do a C -section. So wheel her in at 1030 at
00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:03.480
night, have her do a C -section. Baby comes out,
00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:05.619
and they hand the baby to me, and I was like,
00:17:05.740 --> 00:17:07.839
oh, my God, what the fuck? Like, it was amazing.
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.279
It was an amazing what the fuck, yeah. But then
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:11.960
they're like, you know, we need to take her and
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.880
whatever. So two nights before this, I had watched
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.519
some stupid documentary about babies being switched
00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:20.269
at the hospital. Not on purpose, but like they,
00:17:20.329 --> 00:17:22.109
whatever. So I was like, I am staying with my
00:17:22.109 --> 00:17:24.089
kid. And the doctor's like, no, no, it's fine.
00:17:24.190 --> 00:17:26.470
I'm like, you don't understand. That's mine.
00:17:26.569 --> 00:17:28.410
I'm not leaving this kid. And I had to argue
00:17:28.410 --> 00:17:29.809
with this doctor. So finally they're like, fine,
00:17:29.869 --> 00:17:31.930
you can walk and you can walk through the window,
00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:34.250
whatever. They get her into the nursery and I'm
00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:36.769
like, okay, she's safe. My bracelet matches hers
00:17:36.769 --> 00:17:38.470
and so on. So I go back in and talk to my wife.
00:17:38.509 --> 00:17:40.109
I'm like, she's good. They wheel her into the
00:17:40.109 --> 00:17:42.589
room. And all I wanted to do at that point was
00:17:42.589 --> 00:17:44.690
just sleep for a couple hours. I was exhausted.
00:17:44.690 --> 00:17:47.430
My wife was exhausted. So the doctor's like,
00:17:47.509 --> 00:17:49.170
don't worry about it. We'll see you in the morning
00:17:49.170 --> 00:17:51.190
kind of a thing. We might have to wake you up
00:17:51.190 --> 00:17:54.089
just to nurse. And my wife's like, fine. So we
00:17:54.089 --> 00:17:56.710
literally just lay down, go to bed. 15 minutes
00:17:56.710 --> 00:17:58.670
later, they're coming in with the baby. I'm like,
00:17:58.710 --> 00:18:00.789
come on, what the fuck? And they're like, yeah,
00:18:00.809 --> 00:18:02.690
you got a nurse. So she does. Baby's crying.
00:18:03.130 --> 00:18:04.769
Can't soothe her. Finally gets her to nurse.
00:18:04.890 --> 00:18:07.109
And then they leave. Oh, good. Go to bed. And
00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:11.410
I get very angry if I can't sleep. So I'm already
00:18:11.410 --> 00:18:13.069
kind of ratcheting it up a little bit. So I finally
00:18:13.069 --> 00:18:14.769
go back to sleep. And literally 20 minutes later,
00:18:14.869 --> 00:18:17.250
they come in. Baby's crying again. And they're
00:18:17.250 --> 00:18:18.829
like, I'm sorry. We can't soothe her. She's going
00:18:18.829 --> 00:18:21.009
to have to stay with you guys. And I remember
00:18:21.009 --> 00:18:23.109
looking my wife in the eye. And I was like, what
00:18:23.109 --> 00:18:25.289
the fuck? Because all I wanted to do was sleep.
00:18:25.490 --> 00:18:27.890
And she knows me. So she's like, just try to
00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:29.710
sleep. I'll be fine. She can just sleep with
00:18:29.710 --> 00:18:33.680
me. This kid would not stop crying. Oh, my God.
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:36.279
Like, it's one of those moments where the what
00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:38.400
the fuck moments throughout the day were all
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:41.019
over the place. I don't even know how to sum
00:18:41.019 --> 00:18:44.420
it up except the next day after I did get a couple
00:18:44.420 --> 00:18:46.490
hours of sleep. It was all great. Like it was,
00:18:46.549 --> 00:18:48.569
you look back and you can laugh now. Folks, the
00:18:48.569 --> 00:18:50.809
last time I saw Dave, if I had to guess, it might've
00:18:50.809 --> 00:18:53.930
been 2000, early 2001. And I was a Navy recruiter
00:18:53.930 --> 00:18:56.150
in Washington, New Jersey. And they were doing
00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.589
this new program where they were allowing recruiters
00:18:58.589 --> 00:19:00.789
to go to Great Lakes for a week, kind of get
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:03.049
a taste of what bootcamp is like currently. Because
00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:05.009
I had been to bootcamp like 20 years before then.
00:19:05.049 --> 00:19:06.609
So a lot of things had changed. So I volunteered
00:19:06.609 --> 00:19:08.349
to do it. Like a lot of the recruiters didn't
00:19:08.349 --> 00:19:10.269
want to do it. They're like, oh, fuck no. I wanted
00:19:10.269 --> 00:19:12.009
to do it for two reasons. One, because I wanted
00:19:12.009 --> 00:19:14.029
to be able to tell my recruits what's new. And
00:19:14.029 --> 00:19:15.809
then also, too, because I knew Dave was out there
00:19:15.809 --> 00:19:17.569
and I called Dave and Dave was like, fuck yeah,
00:19:17.650 --> 00:19:19.529
man. And I remember having a great time out there
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:21.190
in Chicago, but it was during the wintertime.
00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:23.609
So it was cold as balls. I was like, yeah, that
00:19:23.609 --> 00:19:26.829
hasn't changed. Holy crap. I remember when I
00:19:26.829 --> 00:19:28.750
was in bootcamp, man, the day that we graduated,
00:19:28.849 --> 00:19:31.650
December 7th, and it was like minus 30 below
00:19:31.650 --> 00:19:32.869
with the wind chill or something. It was like
00:19:32.869 --> 00:19:35.349
stupid cold. Get on the plane. I'm in my dress
00:19:35.349 --> 00:19:37.009
blues with my peacoat and everything. And they
00:19:37.009 --> 00:19:39.400
flew me to Norfolk. So I could get a damn neck
00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.240
from my A school. So from like minus 36 below
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.220
in Chicago to like 72 in Virginia Beach. Yeah.
00:19:45.299 --> 00:19:48.200
So the big temperature change, I'm sure when
00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:50.299
I got off the plane and it was warm and I'm in
00:19:50.299 --> 00:19:51.940
this Pico and I'm sure my first words were, what
00:19:51.940 --> 00:19:55.660
the fuck? But a good way. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:56.019 --> 00:19:58.619
Great Lakes gets fucking cold. Yeah, dude. And
00:19:58.619 --> 00:20:00.960
the wind, the wind rips off Lake Michigan and
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:04.230
it's bitter. One more work story for you. Sure.
00:20:04.349 --> 00:20:06.609
Was called out to a customer. The plumber that
00:20:06.609 --> 00:20:08.230
was on site actually called us out there because
00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:10.430
they were fixing a sewer line. So I don't exactly
00:20:10.430 --> 00:20:11.950
remember what happened, but something happened
00:20:11.950 --> 00:20:13.769
out in the yard. The sewer line collapsed. So
00:20:13.769 --> 00:20:16.089
the entire sewer system was full of water, which
00:20:16.089 --> 00:20:18.250
is what happens if the line collapses, the water
00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:20.089
has nowhere to go. So they had to replace the
00:20:20.089 --> 00:20:22.509
sewer line. So in the basements, most of the
00:20:22.509 --> 00:20:24.990
Chicago suburb homes, the sewer lines are called
00:20:24.990 --> 00:20:27.109
overhead lines, right? Which means they're actually
00:20:27.109 --> 00:20:29.470
like up near the ceiling and they run out from
00:20:29.470 --> 00:20:31.529
there. Very, very old houses, the sewer lines
00:20:31.529 --> 00:20:33.660
are underground. So you'll actually see the pipe
00:20:33.660 --> 00:20:34.920
kind of running right through the foundation.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:37.440
So this guy's working on an overhead sewer line
00:20:37.710 --> 00:20:39.990
So you imagine he's got his hands up in the air
00:20:39.990 --> 00:20:42.089
working the sewer line. Setting the stage here,
00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:46.430
I see. And he somehow decouples the line from
00:20:46.430 --> 00:20:50.529
the flange. And it literally fell right in, like
00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:52.930
this line came down right into his face. And
00:20:52.930 --> 00:20:56.430
he took about 30 gallons of sewage water straight
00:20:56.430 --> 00:20:59.369
into his face. And I was on the other side of
00:20:59.369 --> 00:21:01.650
the basement looking at him. And he just stood
00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:04.269
there mortified that this was happening. Eventually
00:21:04.269 --> 00:21:07.359
moved out of the way. And I remember. Initially
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:11.160
being horrified that this guy's now got toilet
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:16.339
paper and shit on him. To muttering the, what
00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:21.640
the fuck just happened? To immediate laughter.
00:21:21.819 --> 00:21:23.960
And I don't know, again, maybe this is a guy
00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:26.339
thing, but like we always tend to laugh at each
00:21:26.339 --> 00:21:28.509
other when. Things go wrong. Inappropriately.
00:21:28.569 --> 00:21:32.029
Yes. And I was literally crying out of my eyes
00:21:32.029 --> 00:21:34.730
laughing at this guy. And he was just spitting
00:21:34.730 --> 00:21:37.009
out. I mean, just I felt bad for him, but I couldn't
00:21:37.009 --> 00:21:39.549
stop myself. And he said, God damn it. I can't
00:21:39.549 --> 00:21:41.930
believe this happened again. Which means. Oh,
00:21:41.970 --> 00:21:46.089
my God. He did it once and didn't learn. And
00:21:46.089 --> 00:21:50.250
then I was like, oh, my God. Pardon the fun,
00:21:50.410 --> 00:21:55.289
but holy shit. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I bet there
00:21:55.289 --> 00:21:56.750
was plenty of shit jokes the rest of that day.
00:21:56.849 --> 00:21:59.009
Oh, man. I still talk to that guy, too, and he
00:21:59.009 --> 00:22:00.730
told me that that happened one more time.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.860
Well, plus you're a podcast superstar now, so
00:00:01.860 --> 00:00:04.320
yeah, yeah, I get like 20 people listening. How
00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:07.019
about that? I'm Jake Jacobs and you're listening
00:00:07.019 --> 00:00:19.100
to what the fuck All right, welcome back to what
00:00:19.100 --> 00:00:21.179
the fuck the podcast where we try to make sense
00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:23.800
of life Or at least have a damn good time trying
00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:27.440
today. I've got a special guest my old navy buddy
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dave It's been way too long since we last caught
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up, but back in the day, we served together,
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got into our fair share of trouble, and racked
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up enough stories to last a lifetime. I have
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no idea where this conversation is going to go,
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but knowing Dave, it's going to be a wild ride.
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Welcome to What the Fuck. Are you in Chicago?
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Good morning, Jake. Yeah, I'm in Chicago. Just
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in the western suburbs. Been here for 24 years
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now. Holy crap. Nice. I'm a big fan of Chicago
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PD, by the way. Yeah, I've seen them filming
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on occasion as I'm driving through the city.
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So how's the weather in the Windy City today?
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It's not horrible. I think it's around 50. Yesterday
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was 62, which everybody's in flip -flops and
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tank tops. I was going to say, that's a heat
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wave for y 'all. When was the last time that
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you either thought or said out loud, what the
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fuck, and what was the situation? I say that
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literally on a daily basis more than once a day,
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just because the industry that I'm in, I do a
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lot of fire and water restoration work. So I
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see houses on fire. I see hoarding situations.
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I see things that you would never expect to see
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when you walk into a house. And so literally
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every single day, it's a what the fuck? And it's
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funny because the inflection of how you say what
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the fuck really carries so much weight. Absolutely.
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Which is why I'm so excited for this podcast
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for you because. When I first heard about this,
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I thought, you know, this is actually kind of
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cool. And the more I think about it, it's like,
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wow, you know, those three words carry so much
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meaning. And it can be like more of a than an
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oh shit moment. Yeah, it's like it actually almost
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tells a story and how you say it. So absolutely.
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I love it. So I want to ask you when you started
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this podcast, obviously, what the fuck is especially
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with sailors? Yeah. But it's not. I mean, like,
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I mean, I'm in an industry now where it's I hear
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it outside of my office every day. What the fuck?
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And it makes me giggle a lot of times. But again,
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it's all about the inflection of how you say
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it, because it's like, oh, fuck or what the fuck?
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I guess I'm kind of curious. When you first started
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this, was there a specific what the fuck moment
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for you where you were like, oh, I got to talk
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about this? I've already said it like 10 times
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today for various reasons. And each one was different.
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One was a question. One was like a holy shit,
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what the fuck. I was all over the place. With
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podcasts, you have to be really careful sometimes
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because podcast audiences really want something
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niche -y. You have to have a subject that's exclusive.
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You can't just be broad. Well, this is kind of
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niche -y, but it's also broad because you can
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talk about anything. It's amazing, yeah. So it's
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not really niche -y. But it is. It's a wild concept.
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I couldn't find anybody else doing something
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quite like this. There's a couple of the podcasts
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that have that in the title, but they're talking
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about different things, right? So this just leaves
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it wide open. If you had to pick one, the funniest
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what the fuck moment. So honestly, one of the
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funniest ones involves you. Here we go. You might
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remember we were in South Korea. Yeah. We were
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at a bar. I know that's crazy. And walking back
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from the bar to the ship. For whatever reason,
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we were either trying to cut through a construction
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area or something. Oh, my God. I know where you're
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going with this. And you all of a sudden stopped
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dead in your tracks. And you even said, what
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the fuck? Yes. Oh, my God. I forgot about that.
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Because you stepped on a piece of wood that had
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a nail sticking through it, and that nail went
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all the way through your foot. Straight through.
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And I remember seeing it, and I was like, what
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the fuck? So the two of us had the same experience
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of what the fuck, but on two totally different
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levels. Yeah. And that's still one of my memories,
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because I remember laughing, which that's...
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It's always funny when someone else gets hurt,
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right? It's always funny. And your shoe filled
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up with blood, and oh, man. The way it was situated
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in South Korea, we had to go back to, there was
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like a small base where there was a club there.
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And then from there, we had to catch a bus back
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to the ship. Is that correct? Am I remembering?
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Okay. Well, I remember when we got back to the
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club, I'm like hobbling along, and my shoe or
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sneaker, whatever I had on, was like red with
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blood. And Doc Jacobs was there. Yep. And I'm
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like, hey, Doc, check this out. He's like, what
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the fuck? I think he just said, what the fuck?
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Yeah. He's like, dude. I'm like, I think I stepped
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on a nail, and I was drunk as shit. Yeah. Oh,
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my God. I mean, I definitely felt it, but it
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was one of those where, had I not been drinking,
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it would have been a whole lot worse for me.
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Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I was already numb.
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Oh, my God. I haven't thought about that in a
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long time. Holy shit. You're welcome. Okay. So
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here's my what the fuck, and this one is a recent
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one. I don't know if you've been hearing me talk
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on a couple of episodes. Carpal tunnel surgery.
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Mm -hmm. I think they fucked something up because
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I've been having pain that I didn't have before
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I had the carpal tunnel surgery. And I've been
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trying to tell the VA that. And the VA is like,
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we're going to send you to occupational therapy.
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There's nothing wrong. Well, I've been going
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to therapy. I've been doing everything that they've
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been asking me to do. And finally, I went and
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saw my surgeon's PA, I guess it's a physician
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assistant, yesterday. And I said, look, man,
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this is my dominant hand. If this was my left
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hand, I wouldn't even be here right now. I mean,
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I'm having a hard time brushing my teeth. Writing
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is a chore. Like, if I try to write now. It's
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like a five -year -old trying to write their
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name. It's like very awkward. I had no coordination
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in my hand. And he said, okay, let's schedule
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an EMG. That's where they put pins in you and
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then they shoot like electrical pulses to see
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what's going on. I'm like, yeah, okay, sounds
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good. So EMG is going to be reaching out to you
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to schedule that. I'm like, okay. And he was
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right. Literally on the way home from the VA,
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from Nashville to my house here, they called
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me and they're like, yeah, calling to schedule
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an EMG that your doctor ordered. What's your
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schedule look like? I'm like, I'm wide open.
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They're like, oh, well, this is March 10th, right?
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They said, we can get you in May 14th. And I
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literally said, what the fuck are you talking
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about? Seriously? Like, did you? I said, this
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is time sensitive. You can't put me two months
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out. And she's like, well, this is what we have,
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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then finally
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she says, well, okay, it's more than 30 days
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out, so we can put you in for community care,
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which is where they will reach out to a nearby
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hospital, and then they will do it, and then
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the VA will pick up the tab. I'm like, yeah,
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let's do that. Why couldn't you just lead with
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that? Fucking VA. Yeah, I've had some interesting
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experiences where same thing where they say,
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yeah, someone will reach out to schedule and
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it's like six months before they can get you
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in. And I didn't know that was a thing. So thanks
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for that tip. Technically, if it's going to be
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more than 30 days out and they can verify that
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with their schedule, just say, hey, can I use
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community care? So funny story about Bahrain,
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actually. I did 10 years active and then 11 more
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in the reserves, right? So during my 11 years
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in reserves, I went to Australia, Argentina,
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South Africa. I went back to Japan. Pearl Harbor.
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I was like, I was traveling more in the reserves
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than I did on active duty. That's crazy. I had
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to go to Bahrain two different times for these
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war games. They're all scenario based and they're
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usually fairly similar to the one they did last
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year with, you know, Hey, this is what we learned
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last year. Let's tweak a couple of things. And
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it's a whole bunch of sitting around and, Oh
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no, this happened. How do you respond? Kind of
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thing. But there was a, what the fuck moment.
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The last time I went to Bahrain, which was right
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before I retired and was really a catalyst for
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making me help. kind of make that decision which
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was we were in a like a theater and there was
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an admiral on the stage giving a speech about
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hey thank you for participating in the games
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we learned a lot today blah blah blah blah one
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thing we didn't tell you was the catastrophic
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plan of what if a missile is launched at Bahrain,
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what is going to happen? And we were all like,
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oh, that's actually something we didn't talk
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about. And he basically said, everybody on the
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stage, which was him and a bunch of other senior
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leaders, we would immediately be shuffled to
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a helo and we'd leave the base so that you guys
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know that the leadership would at least be able
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to continue for CENTCOM. And we were like, okay.
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He's like, so you guys, rest assured, leadership
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will be okay. And we were like, okay. And then
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he stopped. And we're like, so we're all, and
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you can see everybody in the room is kind of
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like, look around, like how fucking all of us,
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right? Like, what do we do? And nothing, there
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was, he just kind of said, so just, so you got,
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and like, he kept going over. And so my dumb
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ass, of course, I'm raising my hand. I'm like,
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hey, I, and he says, yes, chief, do you have
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a question? I said, well, just what do we do?
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Dead silence, just nothing. And you could hear
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people just, what the fuck? Yeah. Because that
00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:54.409
was like the moment where you realized we're
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all expendable. We're all just numbers. And it
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really just drove it home for me to like go home
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and finish your time and just get out. That was
00:09:02.929 --> 00:09:05.250
a really like a heart -wrenching what the fuck
00:09:05.250 --> 00:09:07.330
moment for me. Yeah, that was one of those where
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you're like, wow, incredible. Yeah, it's crazy.
00:09:10.250 --> 00:09:12.509
But again, all these what the fuck moments that
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carry, it's like it carries emotion in it, which
00:09:15.350 --> 00:09:18.529
is interesting. I think I said what the fuck
00:09:18.529 --> 00:09:20.549
at least two or three times in Nashville traffic
00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:22.950
yesterday headed to the VA. But it makes you
00:09:22.950 --> 00:09:24.370
feel good after you say it. Yeah, it's like,
00:09:24.389 --> 00:09:25.789
what the fuck is your problem? It's a stress
00:09:25.789 --> 00:09:29.970
reliever. Folks, there are so many stories that
00:09:29.970 --> 00:09:31.809
Dave and I could tell about South Texas. With
00:09:31.809 --> 00:09:33.809
the name of our command being Rotational Crew
00:09:33.809 --> 00:09:36.950
Delta, at one point, I somehow ended up at a
00:09:36.950 --> 00:09:39.529
trailer in, was that a Ramses Pass? It was a
00:09:39.529 --> 00:09:41.870
Ramses Pass. And then that trailer became Delta
00:09:41.870 --> 00:09:44.809
House, as in from Animal House. The stories we
00:09:44.809 --> 00:09:48.080
could tell. From that alone would fill up a podcast.
00:09:48.460 --> 00:09:50.620
Some of the best times of my life, man. Yeah.
00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:55.250
I think it was the day that I moved in. I believe
00:09:55.250 --> 00:09:59.269
there was a roach infestation problem in the
00:09:59.269 --> 00:10:01.809
trailer. I think the trailer was in his name.
00:10:01.970 --> 00:10:04.370
Was that Drew? It was Drew. I was walking around
00:10:04.370 --> 00:10:05.970
and I was seeing fucking cockroaches everywhere.
00:10:06.330 --> 00:10:07.929
I'm like, oh, there's another one. And I remember
00:10:07.929 --> 00:10:10.190
he picked up a piece of board or a 2x4 or something
00:10:10.190 --> 00:10:12.210
and just slammed that motherfucker into oblivion.
00:10:12.289 --> 00:10:15.029
He's like, not no more. I'm like, what the fuck?
00:10:16.830 --> 00:10:18.929
That's a pretty tame one that I could tell. So
00:10:18.929 --> 00:10:21.490
if that sets the tone, then you know where we're
00:10:21.490 --> 00:10:23.580
headed with this. I do have another. trailer
00:10:23.580 --> 00:10:27.480
moment where I woke up one morning after being
00:10:27.480 --> 00:10:30.399
out and I'm sure that we were at legs and my
00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.340
car was parked kind of just in the street. I
00:10:33.340 --> 00:10:34.779
mean, it was like, you know, you're pulling the
00:10:34.779 --> 00:10:37.159
trailer park and there's a little kind of pseudo
00:10:37.159 --> 00:10:39.779
street within the park. And my, my car was just
00:10:39.779 --> 00:10:42.179
parked randomly in the street. And it's because
00:10:42.179 --> 00:10:45.340
we had got so shit faced the night before that
00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:47.200
I, and I shouldn't have even drove home and I
00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:49.980
did. And I apparently got back to the trailer
00:10:49.980 --> 00:10:54.320
and just parked wherever the fuck. And I woke
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.720
up the next morning and I was like, what the
00:10:55.720 --> 00:10:57.639
fuck? Like, I couldn't, I don't remember getting
00:10:57.639 --> 00:11:01.460
home. Yeah. Good times. Lucky that I never. Oh,
00:11:01.500 --> 00:11:03.620
all of us were lucky. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Way too
00:11:03.620 --> 00:11:06.379
many times that I shouldn't have driven home
00:11:06.379 --> 00:11:09.500
or driving home saying, what the fuck am I doing?
00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:13.100
I'm going to share one more story from there.
00:11:13.259 --> 00:11:15.360
But this isn't a what the fuck from my perspective.
00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:16.960
This is going to be a what the fuck from somebody
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:19.299
else's perspective. It was my birthday day. There
00:11:19.299 --> 00:11:22.480
was a certain member of our. pack that was dating
00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.480
someone from legs. And she went by the stage
00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.200
named Domino. Interesting. Yeah. Cool kiss song.
00:11:28.299 --> 00:11:29.960
And it was a cool song for her to dance to. And
00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:32.480
she kind of fit the role. I was at the trailer
00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:34.159
and it was like eight o 'clock at night. I knew
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.600
she was coming over. Little did I know that the
00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:38.759
sailor that she was dating. put her up to something,
00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:41.220
and told her that it was my birthday. Sounds
00:11:41.220 --> 00:11:44.039
like a good dude. Yeah, I think this sailor was
00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:45.740
on duty that night, so he wasn't there to witness
00:11:45.740 --> 00:11:48.419
this. But another one of our shipmates, Wiggy,
00:11:48.500 --> 00:11:50.639
he'd never been to Delta House, so he was coming
00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:53.480
over for the first time to witness what goes
00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.960
on. So I'm sitting there at the trailer, and
00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:58.419
Domino comes walking in, and she said, Happy
00:11:58.419 --> 00:12:01.539
birthday, Jake. And I said, Thanks. And she proceeded
00:12:01.539 --> 00:12:04.460
to cue up Domino and she sat my ass in a chair
00:12:04.460 --> 00:12:06.740
and she gave me a lap dance that I'll never forget.
00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:09.759
And during the course of that, Wiggy walks in
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:13.820
the door and the look on his face, he didn't
00:12:13.820 --> 00:12:17.039
even need to say it. It was on his face. I knew
00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:19.600
her. So, you know, it wasn't really a big deal.
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:21.480
But from somebody else's perspective, that was
00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:24.379
a pretty cool what the fuck. I've never heard
00:12:24.379 --> 00:12:26.759
that story from that perspective. You've never
00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:28.759
heard it, no. I mean, can you imagine being Wiggy
00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:31.360
in that moment, though? Getting invited to someone's
00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:34.379
house for the first time. He was so excited.
00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:36.080
That whole day, he was so excited. He's like,
00:12:36.139 --> 00:12:37.879
yeah, this is cool. I finally get to see Delta
00:12:37.879 --> 00:12:39.519
House. And he walks in. That's the first thing
00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:43.779
he sees. So there's another guy, we'll just call
00:12:43.779 --> 00:12:47.240
him Grimmy. Oh, my God. I know where this is
00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:49.600
going. One of the first times he came to, this
00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:52.039
was Delta House 2 now, but one of the first times
00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:55.299
he came, we were, of course, inebriated. And
00:12:55.299 --> 00:12:58.059
we said, hey, we need you to be initiated into
00:12:58.059 --> 00:13:00.899
Delta House. And we forced him. to strip down
00:13:00.899 --> 00:13:03.779
butt naked and run down the street back and forth.
00:13:04.059 --> 00:13:06.019
And we were friends with some of the cops in
00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:08.200
town. So, of course, we queued up one of the
00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:10.899
police officers to randomly come by at the same
00:13:10.899 --> 00:13:13.700
time when he was running. And it was, I've never
00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:18.360
laughed so hard in my life. He not only did it,
00:13:18.379 --> 00:13:21.620
but there was a bar behind this trailer park.
00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:23.659
So he not only did it, we told him he had to
00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:25.879
run around the block. He not only did that, he
00:13:25.879 --> 00:13:27.860
ran into the bar, through the bar, and out the
00:13:27.860 --> 00:13:29.740
other side, the other door through the bar and
00:13:29.740 --> 00:13:32.600
back. Oh, my gosh. Then when he got back, we're
00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:35.779
like, yeah, none of us ever did that. Yeah, so
00:13:35.779 --> 00:13:38.860
again, a secondhand perspective, what the fuck,
00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:41.299
from him was probably like, what the fuck? Yeah.
00:13:42.019 --> 00:13:47.909
Oh, my gosh. So many good memories. Yeah. So
00:13:47.909 --> 00:13:50.110
I'll tell you a recent what the fuck story. We
00:13:50.110 --> 00:13:52.009
got called to a house. They had a small kitchen
00:13:52.009 --> 00:13:54.269
fire. I showed up at the house. There's two guys
00:13:54.269 --> 00:13:56.250
living in the house. We walked in and they said,
00:13:56.269 --> 00:13:57.730
do you guys have to go down in the basement?
00:13:57.950 --> 00:13:59.289
And I was like, we have to inspect the whole
00:13:59.289 --> 00:14:01.669
house because there was a fire. There's water
00:14:01.669 --> 00:14:03.470
that's used to put out the fire. That water travels
00:14:03.470 --> 00:14:05.190
down. We have to inspect the whole house. Were
00:14:05.190 --> 00:14:06.809
they asking if you had to go down to the basement?
00:14:07.029 --> 00:14:09.950
Okay. Like nervously. And I said, yeah, we have
00:14:09.950 --> 00:14:12.370
to go down there. And they were like, well, okay,
00:14:12.549 --> 00:14:14.450
can you just give us a few minutes? And I was
00:14:14.450 --> 00:14:16.950
like, okay, is there somebody locked up? What
00:14:16.950 --> 00:14:19.909
is going on? So one guy runs down there, comes
00:14:19.909 --> 00:14:21.389
back up, and he's like, all right, well, whatever,
00:14:21.570 --> 00:14:24.250
let's just do it. And I go down there, and there
00:14:24.250 --> 00:14:26.470
was, I don't know, six or seven of those, like,
00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:31.139
eight -foot fold -up tables full of dildos. Never
00:14:31.139 --> 00:14:32.860
seen that before. So I walked out and stopped
00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:35.340
kind of dead in my tracks and realized I stopped.
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:37.440
So I forced myself to keep walking because they
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:39.279
were behind me. And in my head, I'm like, what
00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:41.820
the fuck? Because number one, who needs that
00:14:41.820 --> 00:14:47.399
many? Well, it turns out, it turns out they actually,
00:14:47.460 --> 00:14:49.919
they manufactured these. They had molds and they
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:51.259
manufactured them and sell them and they were
00:14:51.259 --> 00:14:53.500
embarrassed. OK. And I was like, guys, don't
00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:55.559
worry about it. This is actually if you're making
00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:58.039
money. Cool. Then I had to think about what do
00:14:58.039 --> 00:15:00.480
you have to come down here to hide that this
00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:02.899
was the stuff they left behind. Right. Right.
00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:05.700
I thought about that for a while. Oh, my God.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.620
What the fuck was this guy hiding if that was
00:15:07.620 --> 00:15:09.799
what they left behind? It's interesting to see
00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:11.980
some of the ways people live and the things that
00:15:11.980 --> 00:15:14.299
they do. And I'm going to share one more story
00:15:14.299 --> 00:15:18.220
I have, which sums up. For me, the ubiquitousness
00:15:18.220 --> 00:15:20.419
of the what the fuck statement. That was a big
00:15:20.419 --> 00:15:21.960
fucking word, Dave. I looked that one up ahead
00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.659
of time. So when my wife and I first decided
00:15:24.659 --> 00:15:27.159
that we wanted to have kids, you know, my wife's
00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:29.340
on a pill for however many years ahead of time.
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:31.639
And everyone said, oh, dude, it'll take a year.
00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:34.379
It's like two years because, you know, your body's
00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:36.019
got to adjust, whatever. So I was like, all right,
00:15:36.019 --> 00:15:38.960
whatever. So she stops taking the pill. And I
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:41.700
was like, well, now we just get to go at it all
00:15:41.700 --> 00:15:44.039
the time. This is wonderful. Of course, what
00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:46.379
happens like three weeks into it, she's like,
00:15:46.419 --> 00:15:48.940
hey, I'm pregnant. I'm like, what the fuck? I
00:15:48.940 --> 00:15:55.200
was happy, but I was also sad. There goes that
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.740
plan. Yeah. So nine months go by. We're in the
00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:01.519
hospital and she had a scheduled induction because
00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:04.460
she was already like four days late. So we get
00:16:04.460 --> 00:16:06.039
to the hospital like six o 'clock in the morning.
00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.559
They induce her. It takes. hours for this stuff
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:10.159
to start kicking in so she starts going into
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:13.059
labor and it was all day that she was in labor
00:16:13.059 --> 00:16:15.360
and it was i mean and her and i were both like
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.259
what the fuck like right she finally gets to
00:16:18.259 --> 00:16:19.460
the point where she's like the doctor's like
00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:21.519
okay you can start pushing so her mom had been
00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:23.799
there with us all day also i hadn't really been
00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:27.019
paying attention to her much but she Wasn't eating
00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:29.899
anything. So in the middle of my wife starting
00:16:29.899 --> 00:16:33.019
to push, my mother -in -law all of a sudden has
00:16:33.019 --> 00:16:35.940
this, and she passes out onto the floor. And
00:16:35.940 --> 00:16:39.299
I'm like, what the fuck? So all the doctors go
00:16:39.299 --> 00:16:41.299
rushing over to her. Meanwhile, my wife is sitting
00:16:41.299 --> 00:16:42.899
there with her legs up in the air like, what
00:16:42.899 --> 00:16:47.159
the fuck? So I get my mother -in -law out. Well,
00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.120
now my father -in -law wants to come in to find
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:50.980
out why my mother -in -law passed out. And my
00:16:50.980 --> 00:16:52.960
wife is like, get the fuck out. Like, so she's
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.980
freaking out. Oh, my God. So finally it's determined
00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:57.399
that the baby's not going to come. They have
00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.860
to do a C -section. So wheel her in at 1030 at
00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:03.480
night, have her do a C -section. Baby comes out,
00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:05.619
and they hand the baby to me, and I was like,
00:17:05.740 --> 00:17:07.839
oh, my God, what the fuck? Like, it was amazing.
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.279
It was an amazing what the fuck, yeah. But then
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:11.960
they're like, you know, we need to take her and
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.880
whatever. So two nights before this, I had watched
00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.519
some stupid documentary about babies being switched
00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:20.269
at the hospital. Not on purpose, but like they,
00:17:20.329 --> 00:17:22.109
whatever. So I was like, I am staying with my
00:17:22.109 --> 00:17:24.089
kid. And the doctor's like, no, no, it's fine.
00:17:24.190 --> 00:17:26.470
I'm like, you don't understand. That's mine.
00:17:26.569 --> 00:17:28.410
I'm not leaving this kid. And I had to argue
00:17:28.410 --> 00:17:29.809
with this doctor. So finally they're like, fine,
00:17:29.869 --> 00:17:31.930
you can walk and you can walk through the window,
00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:34.250
whatever. They get her into the nursery and I'm
00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:36.769
like, okay, she's safe. My bracelet matches hers
00:17:36.769 --> 00:17:38.470
and so on. So I go back in and talk to my wife.
00:17:38.509 --> 00:17:40.109
I'm like, she's good. They wheel her into the
00:17:40.109 --> 00:17:42.589
room. And all I wanted to do at that point was
00:17:42.589 --> 00:17:44.690
just sleep for a couple hours. I was exhausted.
00:17:44.690 --> 00:17:47.430
My wife was exhausted. So the doctor's like,
00:17:47.509 --> 00:17:49.170
don't worry about it. We'll see you in the morning
00:17:49.170 --> 00:17:51.190
kind of a thing. We might have to wake you up
00:17:51.190 --> 00:17:54.089
just to nurse. And my wife's like, fine. So we
00:17:54.089 --> 00:17:56.710
literally just lay down, go to bed. 15 minutes
00:17:56.710 --> 00:17:58.670
later, they're coming in with the baby. I'm like,
00:17:58.710 --> 00:18:00.789
come on, what the fuck? And they're like, yeah,
00:18:00.809 --> 00:18:02.690
you got a nurse. So she does. Baby's crying.
00:18:03.130 --> 00:18:04.769
Can't soothe her. Finally gets her to nurse.
00:18:04.890 --> 00:18:07.109
And then they leave. Oh, good. Go to bed. And
00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:11.410
I get very angry if I can't sleep. So I'm already
00:18:11.410 --> 00:18:13.069
kind of ratcheting it up a little bit. So I finally
00:18:13.069 --> 00:18:14.769
go back to sleep. And literally 20 minutes later,
00:18:14.869 --> 00:18:17.250
they come in. Baby's crying again. And they're
00:18:17.250 --> 00:18:18.829
like, I'm sorry. We can't soothe her. She's going
00:18:18.829 --> 00:18:21.009
to have to stay with you guys. And I remember
00:18:21.009 --> 00:18:23.109
looking my wife in the eye. And I was like, what
00:18:23.109 --> 00:18:25.289
the fuck? Because all I wanted to do was sleep.
00:18:25.490 --> 00:18:27.890
And she knows me. So she's like, just try to
00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:29.710
sleep. I'll be fine. She can just sleep with
00:18:29.710 --> 00:18:33.680
me. This kid would not stop crying. Oh, my God.
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:36.279
Like, it's one of those moments where the what
00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:38.400
the fuck moments throughout the day were all
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:41.019
over the place. I don't even know how to sum
00:18:41.019 --> 00:18:44.420
it up except the next day after I did get a couple
00:18:44.420 --> 00:18:46.490
hours of sleep. It was all great. Like it was,
00:18:46.549 --> 00:18:48.569
you look back and you can laugh now. Folks, the
00:18:48.569 --> 00:18:50.809
last time I saw Dave, if I had to guess, it might've
00:18:50.809 --> 00:18:53.930
been 2000, early 2001. And I was a Navy recruiter
00:18:53.930 --> 00:18:56.150
in Washington, New Jersey. And they were doing
00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.589
this new program where they were allowing recruiters
00:18:58.589 --> 00:19:00.789
to go to Great Lakes for a week, kind of get
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:03.049
a taste of what bootcamp is like currently. Because
00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:05.009
I had been to bootcamp like 20 years before then.
00:19:05.049 --> 00:19:06.609
So a lot of things had changed. So I volunteered
00:19:06.609 --> 00:19:08.349
to do it. Like a lot of the recruiters didn't
00:19:08.349 --> 00:19:10.269
want to do it. They're like, oh, fuck no. I wanted
00:19:10.269 --> 00:19:12.009
to do it for two reasons. One, because I wanted
00:19:12.009 --> 00:19:14.029
to be able to tell my recruits what's new. And
00:19:14.029 --> 00:19:15.809
then also, too, because I knew Dave was out there
00:19:15.809 --> 00:19:17.569
and I called Dave and Dave was like, fuck yeah,
00:19:17.650 --> 00:19:19.529
man. And I remember having a great time out there
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:21.190
in Chicago, but it was during the wintertime.
00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:23.609
So it was cold as balls. I was like, yeah, that
00:19:23.609 --> 00:19:26.829
hasn't changed. Holy crap. I remember when I
00:19:26.829 --> 00:19:28.750
was in bootcamp, man, the day that we graduated,
00:19:28.849 --> 00:19:31.650
December 7th, and it was like minus 30 below
00:19:31.650 --> 00:19:32.869
with the wind chill or something. It was like
00:19:32.869 --> 00:19:35.349
stupid cold. Get on the plane. I'm in my dress
00:19:35.349 --> 00:19:37.009
blues with my peacoat and everything. And they
00:19:37.009 --> 00:19:39.400
flew me to Norfolk. So I could get a damn neck
00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.240
from my A school. So from like minus 36 below
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.220
in Chicago to like 72 in Virginia Beach. Yeah.
00:19:45.299 --> 00:19:48.200
So the big temperature change, I'm sure when
00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:50.299
I got off the plane and it was warm and I'm in
00:19:50.299 --> 00:19:51.940
this Pico and I'm sure my first words were, what
00:19:51.940 --> 00:19:55.660
the fuck? But a good way. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:56.019 --> 00:19:58.619
Great Lakes gets fucking cold. Yeah, dude. And
00:19:58.619 --> 00:20:00.960
the wind, the wind rips off Lake Michigan and
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:04.230
it's bitter. One more work story for you. Sure.
00:20:04.349 --> 00:20:06.609
Was called out to a customer. The plumber that
00:20:06.609 --> 00:20:08.230
was on site actually called us out there because
00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:10.430
they were fixing a sewer line. So I don't exactly
00:20:10.430 --> 00:20:11.950
remember what happened, but something happened
00:20:11.950 --> 00:20:13.769
out in the yard. The sewer line collapsed. So
00:20:13.769 --> 00:20:16.089
the entire sewer system was full of water, which
00:20:16.089 --> 00:20:18.250
is what happens if the line collapses, the water
00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:20.089
has nowhere to go. So they had to replace the
00:20:20.089 --> 00:20:22.509
sewer line. So in the basements, most of the
00:20:22.509 --> 00:20:24.990
Chicago suburb homes, the sewer lines are called
00:20:24.990 --> 00:20:27.109
overhead lines, right? Which means they're actually
00:20:27.109 --> 00:20:29.470
like up near the ceiling and they run out from
00:20:29.470 --> 00:20:31.529
there. Very, very old houses, the sewer lines
00:20:31.529 --> 00:20:33.660
are underground. So you'll actually see the pipe
00:20:33.660 --> 00:20:34.920
kind of running right through the foundation.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:37.440
So this guy's working on an overhead sewer line
00:20:37.710 --> 00:20:39.990
So you imagine he's got his hands up in the air
00:20:39.990 --> 00:20:42.089
working the sewer line. Setting the stage here,
00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:46.430
I see. And he somehow decouples the line from
00:20:46.430 --> 00:20:50.529
the flange. And it literally fell right in, like
00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:52.930
this line came down right into his face. And
00:20:52.930 --> 00:20:56.430
he took about 30 gallons of sewage water straight
00:20:56.430 --> 00:20:59.369
into his face. And I was on the other side of
00:20:59.369 --> 00:21:01.650
the basement looking at him. And he just stood
00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:04.269
there mortified that this was happening. Eventually
00:21:04.269 --> 00:21:07.359
moved out of the way. And I remember. Initially
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:11.160
being horrified that this guy's now got toilet
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:16.339
paper and shit on him. To muttering the, what
00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:21.640
the fuck just happened? To immediate laughter.
00:21:21.819 --> 00:21:23.960
And I don't know, again, maybe this is a guy
00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:26.339
thing, but like we always tend to laugh at each
00:21:26.339 --> 00:21:28.509
other when. Things go wrong. Inappropriately.
00:21:28.569 --> 00:21:32.029
Yes. And I was literally crying out of my eyes
00:21:32.029 --> 00:21:34.730
laughing at this guy. And he was just spitting
00:21:34.730 --> 00:21:37.009
out. I mean, just I felt bad for him, but I couldn't
00:21:37.009 --> 00:21:39.549
stop myself. And he said, God damn it. I can't
00:21:39.549 --> 00:21:41.930
believe this happened again. Which means. Oh,
00:21:41.970 --> 00:21:46.089
my God. He did it once and didn't learn. And
00:21:46.089 --> 00:21:50.250
then I was like, oh, my God. Pardon the fun,
00:21:50.410 --> 00:21:55.289
but holy shit. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I bet there
00:21:55.289 --> 00:21:56.750
was plenty of shit jokes the rest of that day.
00:21:56.849 --> 00:21:59.009
Oh, man. I still talk to that guy, too, and he
00:21:59.009 --> 00:22:00.730
told me that that happened one more time.
